when you work together as a couple...should you

Deals_2

not usually know where the other half is most of the time..? very frustrating!!

sandiep

My hubby worked away, a lot of miles and driving. It spooked him out that I usually knew to within 25 miles where he was, despite me only really knowing the towns and cities he was working in!

And before you say, i didnae track his mobile phone!! Just a case of knowing him and his habits really well.

BitterAndTwisted

There is no "should" to any aspect of a relationship, whether you work together or not. What makes sense for the couple in one relationship does not necessarily make sense to another. If you're not happy with your partner going AWOL I think you need to ask yourself a couple of questions: is he pulling his weight and what do you think he might be doing during these absences? For all you know, he might be lining up some fantastically exciting Christmas surprise for you. You need to talk together, I think and make your concerns known.

Deals_2

tahnks for the info. i think the issue is if he was "pulling his weight" i woudl have no problem at all but that is the problem. he wastes a lot of time doing things that get him nowhere and i feel at my wits end with it!!! and i doubt xmas surprise as me who sorts everythign out!

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

There is no "should" to any aspect of a relationship, whether you work together or not. What makes sense for the couple in one relationship does not necessarily make sense to another. If you're not happy with your partner going AWOL I think you need to ask yourself a couple of questions: is he pulling his weight and what do you think he might be doing during these absences? For all you know, he might be lining up some fantastically exciting Christmas surprise for you. You need to talk together, I think and make your concerns known.

BitterAndTwisted

OK, then what I would suggest is that you try and act as his "manager" to work out who is responsible for what project/task. I'm not suggesting you take charge and direct him but discuss and agree about what is a fair and equitable work-load with a mind on the final outcome. If he's not working effectively then you really do need to discuss it calmly and assertively. It could be that some of the things he's working on are not best suited to his abilities and you should be doing them while he concentrates his efforts elsewhere.

Deals_2

things and am tired and fed up of not doing my own stuff.

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

OK, then what I would suggest is that you try and act as his "manager" to work out who is responsible for what project/task. I'm not suggesting you take charge and direct him but discuss and agree about what is a fair and equitable work-load with a mind on the final outcome. If he's not working effectively then you really do need to discuss it calmly and assertively. It could be that some of the things he's working on are not best suited to his abilities and you should be doing them while he concentrates his efforts elsewhere.

BitterAndTwisted

I agree, it does sound like you both need to sit down and discuss this rationally like adults. There might be deeper reasons why he's not sticking around pulling his weight but unless you both discuss it together you might never find out what these reasons are until it's too late to fix them.

As I expressed in another thread, I feel that often men don't magically "know" what things need to be done and when they need to be done by, they often need to be asked very plainly in words of one syllable. I think you both need to sit down together at the beginning of each working day to discuss and agree on what is to be done and by whom, just like a department manager often would with their team of assistants. Start by writing down a list and having a chat about it with your morning cuppa together. You'll soon see whether he understands or cares.