Guilty about My Boyfriend

lazy&indebt

My fella and I do not live together and I had my debt before we met (been together for about a year)
He is fantastic with his money, earns a good wage, doesn't owe a penny to anyone because if he wants anything expensive - he just saves up for it!
Since having my lightbulb moment a few months back he has been incredibly supportive by telling me how well I am doing etc but he keeps spending his money on me and I don't like it one bit! He literally won't let me pay for anything and treats me to stupid things sometimes and I feel SOOO guilty because I can't repay him, or sometimes I will buy us stupid things like a take away to make up for it and try and even it out. I have spoken to him about it and he says he doesn't mind spending his money on me but i am uncomfortable because I'm used to providing for myself and feel like a sponger!
What would you do?

Emmzi

You've made your position clear - stop feeling guilty. Set yourself a target for cheap treats eg picnics etc that you organise,maybe a couple a month, and be happy you're doing your bit!

I am sure he appreciates your time and consideration more than anything you could ever buy!

Gorgeous_George

Surely you can think of a way to treat him without spending money on it.



GG

lazy&indebt

Yes he said that!
It's just the more he does it, the more it reminds me I can't afford to do it and the more I beat myself up over it!

lazy&indebt

Gorgeous George - there are ways yes - but if I keep doing them I will be knackered ;-)

lynzpower

why dont you agree with him.

He stops buying silly treats, and saves what silliness towards a weekend away or a holiday or something for your DFD? Or halfway through your DFD?

something like that, will be a motivator for both of you?

Broken_hearted

He wants to treat you because he likes you and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Try talking to him about how you feel.

moozie_2

He sounds like a wonderful man

You have no reason to feel guilty. You have explained to him how you would prefer if he didn't spend so much on treats but he chooses to do it so it obviously isn't an issue for him.

I think as long as the 'treats' are reasonable (which I know can vary in different people's eyes), he likes doing it and it gives you a breather from money saving so what's the harm? As long as he's not getting into debt obsiously!

dinkylou

He probably feels like he is helping as you can t afford these things at the moment.

Tell him how you feel and appreciate that you have a man who is good with money.

If it lasts long term then you will both be great with money.

lady_fuschia

If you want to feel a little less guilty why not promise yourself (and him, if it makes you feel better) that once you get out of debt you will save for a few months to treat him to something really special. My mum helped me out of a terrible financial mess (frozen bank account and everything!) a few years back , and I've promised myself that the first thing I'll save for once I'm debt-free is to pay her back the money she gave me and take her on a Spa day to make it up to her. Its a long way off yet, but makes me feel better!

kathfisch

Echoing what's been said already really

It sounds like you've got a really understanding boyfriend who wants to support you and chooses to spend his money (which he obviously thinks carefully about) on you, that's a lovely situation.

Its understandable that you feel awkward because you are used to providing for yourself etc but as long as he's really happy with it I can't see the harm. I think the idea of saving for a big treat is a great one, something that could help motivate you would be great! Also, saving to pay him back, as lady_fuschia said, is a great way to help yourself accept his treats (whether expensive or not) and know that, when you can, you'll return the favour.

That's what being a couple is all about isn't it, supporting and helping each other when you can and knowing there's someone there to support you when you need it.

Enjoy it and keep communicating about the situation