im thinking of leaving

furby-2003

me and my partner arn't getting on. id love it to work and i love him to bits but he doesnt feel the same and i feel im left with no choice.

i only earn £723 per month £178 in benefits. will they let me rent?

can anyone help?

ive seen one for £425 i cant really afford but it's the best of a bad bunch

howalsh

Cant really advise but just wanted to wish you the best during a bad time.

Spendless

Do you have any children or if not do you work at least 30 hours a week. Have a play about with figures on this
www.entitledto.co.uk

seanparkin

Hiya, I understand what you're going through

I'm in a similar situation, while in general we get on well and I do love her to bits (we're engaged...), it just seems like ever other day she completely flips out and goes mental for no reason (I do actually mean no reason). Anything I say during these times is responded to with shouting, swearing, general abuse and then blaming it all on me (when I am not involved in any way and all I do is try to be reassuring to her) and so I'm on the verge of just giving up trying. She isn't getting any better (infact is getting worse). I can't say a word without her attacking me for absolutely everything (whether it has anything to do with me or not!) and its just going to have to end sooner or later. I can't deal with being her verbal stress relieving punchbag

That amount of money isn't enough to rent a house of that value. I take home about £1220 a month (salaried, I earn about an extra £100 a month on other tasks) and I personally struggle with a house rented at £425 (my 'partner' never helps financially although she has her own full time job, spending all her money on herself then going mental whenever I ask if she can help with a bill or two). I do have a loan at £200 and travel at £140 a month to pay for though.

On top of the £425, you would have about £80 council tax, £15 gas £15 elec, £25 water, Ground rent (varies, can be an extra £10-£15 a month), Food £120, plus transport and what other costs you may have (telephone, mobile, internet - add another £50). Those alone will take you over your entire monthly expenditure. Working tax credits may be able to help a little, but only if you are 25.

I personally am going to have to move into rented accomodation on my own near to my work place. This will save me an extra £100 a month so financially I would be able to cope but its a horrible place to live and I don't actually know anybody else in this end of the country.

Also bear in mind ontop of the rent, you will need a months deposit (plus the first months rent) and about £50-£100 to have the contracts written up to start with. IE about £950 upfront.

If you need any more help or advice, feel free to message me.

margaretclare

Hi Sean

What you describe is what the state of play was in my DH's last marriage. Not only verbal, going mental for no reason, but physical as well.

He jokes now: 'I was always in the cr*p, only the depth varied'. On one occasion she gave him a hard time while they were going round the supermarket, when they reached the check-out she made more nasty remarks - he walked away and left her there at the check-out with the full trolley, got in the car and drove home. I asked him 'Didn't you get a row for doing that?' 'Oh yes, but by then I realised that whatever I did, thought or felt, nothing was going to change, so being in the doghouse again made no difference'.

Life is different for him now - we live in a civilised fashion, we love each other, we're happy.

You may find you have to do what he did!

Best wishes

Margaret Clare

Emmzi

If you had to rent a room instead of a flat it'd be a lot cheaper. And you wouldn't need plates, pots, pans etc.

furby-2003

i have a 5 year old and most of the furniture is mine

Prudent

You should be okay with tax credits. I separated from my ex four years ago and was in a similar position to yourself for about two of those. You should check the 'entitled to' calculators ( I can't remember links, but they are on the benefits board). You will probably get help with rent, council tax, perscriptions etc.Hang in there. You may find that the toughest side is the emotional side. This site contains so much help. I found the old style boards especially useful. Hugs to you.

hostie

Hi Furby / Sean
Your messages have really struck a chord with me because I too feel that my relationship has run its course and that it might be time to leave. We fight every day but I do love him a lot. It really is confusing. It is also difficult to gauge what is 'normal'. If I love him and he loves me and we both make an effort I wonder if we could get through it. I have been wondering that for about a year now.
Anyway I just wanted to say to say to Furby that in some areas there is a council innitiative called 'rent in advance'. I'm afraid that is as much as I know as I have never used it. I nearly left my partner a couple of months ago and went to get advice. On the benefits board they might help more. Also if you do decide to get a flat, you will probably be able to get any bits and pieces that you need on Freecycle. I just joined and managed to get us a breadmaker and a washing machine.
x

hostie

Also Furby I don't have any children but I read somewhere on this site that if you split up it is important to have the child benefit book as it is a 'passport' which entitles you to a lot of other benefits. Again I don't know much about this but if your partner is also the father of your child it might be worth looking into this.

hobo28

Hi Furby. Is the house in his name only? Have you been paying towards the mortgage or bills?

Are things still amicable? If you split up, he is supposed to pay you maintenance of 15% for your child minus any overnights he has but depending on what he's like, getting him to pay up could be nigh impossible.

Don't rush into anything. Think about your support network (ie. people who can/will help) and sort out a financial plan.