sorry just want a rant

Caz3121

OH has 2 teenagers that live with mum (she ended the marriage years ago, moved abroad, went off with another bloke, came back to UK got another one and is now with yet another one - she moves them all in - they each stay for around 18 months then go)...irrelevant here but she behaves like she is the victim and is bitter (whereas my lovely OH had a breakdown and was devastated that she took his children away)...

when the kids were younger it was alternate Xmases and all was fine. As they got older they got to make their own minds up...2 years ago they were both here, last year 1 here, 1 with mum.

As they are 400 miles away and flights are needed we need to plan early so when they were here in October we spoke about plans. (flghts were then £75 each) DSD wanted to spend Xmas with mum and her boyfriend, DSS said he had been here the last 2 years so wanted to be at home...we didn't take huff - they are now 15 and 16 have all their mates around them, parties etc and we are just boring so understood.

Mother then says she doesn't want them at Xmas, wants to spend it with her boyfriend and probably going away so they have to be told they are coming here like it or not...they don't like it and have been very vocal about not wanting to be here for Xmas :-(

DSD then texts dates and said can she come 21st - 26th, DSS still says he doesn't want to come but has told he has to

So we book flights (I pay as OH is skint)...£500!!! for the 2 of them for the dates in the text

Confirm times with ex and she has gone into a rant about that not being long enough. She will not pick them up on Boxing Day from the airport so he will need to arrange a taxi. OH told her we have had to spend £500 we didn't have because she didn't want them and they don't even want to come and he will not pay for a taxi. Has told her if the date does not suit she can book them a different return flight...she went off on one that she will not pay, swore and put the phone down.

She has never contributed to travel even charging petrol and parking to take and collect from airport (she collects £1200 per month in tax credits and maintenance but classes than as "her money")

I am dreading Christmas and the thought of 2 teenagers who do not want to be here complaining they are bored and all the fun their mates will be having...and the pressies are going to be on the light side this year due the flight costs

sorry just wanted a rant (helps to let it go by writing it down) x

elfen

She wants 'em home a different day, she pays for it. Stupid woman not even CARING about her childrens' needs, being more concerned about herselfr. She needs a good kick up the jacksy

DeeDee74

:eek: to be honest she sounds like a nitemare.
why can't she spend xmas with her kids and her new bf?
there's no way i'd choose a man over my kids.

i can't see what more u can do to be fair, x

Caz3121

DeeDee74 wrote: »

:eek: to be honest she sounds like a nitemare.
why can't she spend xmas with her kids and her new bf?
there's no way i'd choose a man over my kids.

i can't see what more u can do to be fair, x

I really don't understand her......the men in her life always come first - she says she does her bit with the children taking them to school etc.
We took them abroad for a weeks holiday last year, she went off with her boyfriend for 2 weeks abroad this year and left them home alone. I feel so sorry for them as they don't always get on (normal parent teen stuff) but they both wanted to be at home this year.

BitterAndTwisted

Those poor kids! The way that mother's going they will be basket-cases eventually if they're not already. Incomprehensible.

I admire your restraint OP. I suspect in your place I'd have bought gun by now

Kazipoo

My mum was and still is very much like that.... surprisingly you will find that the kids have learned to accept her behaviour as normal, and are probably quite capable of looking after themselves without too much fuss. I know my siblings and I were quite capable of taking care of ourselves from a very young age!

My sister and I have decided that our mother has Narcissistic (sp) personality disorder, as she too is always a victim and has not once taken responsibility for the crap upbringing we had, she would love to take credit for the fact we have turned out to be quite well rounded individuals with our own families, although we do remind her that this is in spite of our upbringing, not because of it!!!

Caz3121

Kazipoo wrote: »

My mum was and still is very much like that.... surprisingly you will find that the kids have learned to accept her behaviour as normal, and are probably quite capable of looking after themselves without too much fuss. I know my siblings and I were quite capable of taking care of ourselves from a very young age!

My sister and I have decided that our mother has Narcissistic (sp) personality disorder, as she too is always a victim and has not once taken responsibility for the crap upbringing we had, she would love to take credit for the fact we have turned out to be quite well rounded individuals with our own families, although we do remind her that this is in spite of our upbringing, not because of it!!!

A am glad to hear you got through the other side :-)
I guess, to us, it is like they live in a different world.
She is constantly having a hard time with the children as they have no respect for her (or many adults) .. she spends her time between men being their mate and being the "cool mum" although this includes getting drunk with them, allowing DSD to have boyfriends stay over or stay with them and letting them do whatever they want..(they smoke in the house too) the language and yelling is awful...there are no boundaries. it always takes them a couple of days to settle when they come to us when they are reminded door slamming yelling and swearing is not the norm and is not acceptable behaviour. (and they do calm down and normally enjoy the normality) They just both seem to be so angry all the time. DSD has been in a lot of bother at school being excluded and physically attacking a teacher and has been referred to a councillor for her anger. Absence record it terrible as often can't be bothered going. DSS just doesn't know how to deal with his anger and punches walls and talks about needing to get away from her (he was all set to move in with us for college but she stopped him due to the amount of money she would lose - well she layed on guilt to him about how she would need to look for a little grotty flat with his sister so he stayed) He says he wants to move out but won't even get a part time job even though he has been offered the reacation is always "I ain't doing that" thinks money grows on trees and everyone should just hand him money

They have had to bring themselves up as her only jobs have been in bars working nights - DSD was pulling pints from 8. We have a very quiet life, both work full time and are seen as boring as we don't sit and get drunk and party with them

OH feels powerless, not the life he wanted for his children and waits for the day that he does not need to have any contact with this vile woman and she does not have the same influence on the children and they can grow into their own people

Caroline73_2

Has your OH never sought custody?

DeeDee74

Seem's she let's the kids do what thay want so she can spend time with different men..:rolleyes:
course she is entitled to a life but to wana stop your children from going to college cause ur going to lose money? what a selfish cow.
has there dad never thought about having them full time?

hope the kids have a wonderful time with u and your oh x

Caz3121

Caroline73 wrote: »

Has your OH never sought custody?

no he hasn't...and probably something he regrets but when she went off he had a complete breakdown, ended up under a psychiatrist and then moved in with his parents for 18 months being looked after. He was in unable to look after himself and at the time felt that the children were being looked after.
He is angry with himself that he allowed her to manipulate him over the years by using the children, he had to pay for her house with pool with first boyfriend and when we eventually rented a place together with space for children to stay she went off on one saying he should be in a bedsit so he could give her even more money (all assets from marriage went with her abroad) he built up £20k+ debt by never saying no (won't be able to pay off fully till CM ceases)
Between boyfriends the kids will call to say they are hungry as there is no food in the house (but always booze and cigarettes for her)
Because they live in this fantasy world I just know there are so many more disappointments to come. DSS talks about getting his first car in 6 months but has no income for driving lessons or insurance so we know dad will end up being the bad one for not financing it all for him. Mum got a brand new car as a present from her father when she moved back to UK so the expectation is that cars appear free. She didn't work for years but could still have a good life so why work?...real life will be a shock to all

Caz3121

DeeDee74 wrote: »

has there dad never thought about having them full time?

When son originally wanted to move in he was 14 and in the GCSE cycle. As we are in Scotland and them England we spoke at length and agreed it was better he wait to complete GCSEs then come here for Highers or college. He applied for college and had an interview date set, told his mother of his plans then the texts started about how much money she would lose. In DSSs words she made such a fuss about him moving he made the decision to stay and try his new life there and took a college course at the local college (latest boyfriend moved in a week later)
DSD speaks about her mates, boyfriend etc and wouldn't want to leave them. We have discussed moving near to them but we would both need to get new jobs and they are of an age they spend all their time with their friends
I have no doubt that she loves them and is allowed to have a life it is the fact that she is the constant victim and the children are stuck in the middle