don't wnat my kids to end up like me

dottyanne

I am in a similar situation - i have 3 kids who live with me and now hubby, he has 3 kids 13,16,17 who live with their mum - she is constantly splashin the cash and the kids (his) wonder why we dont do the same?? my 3 although younger, 10,11,11 seem to be more clued up about money than the older ones because they dont always get what they ask for?? life is tough and you dont always have to feel you should say yes - its a tough call but one you have to do for your own benefit - my parents couldnt always say yes to me and i didnt think any less of them for it.

doelani

dottyanne wrote:

I am in a similar situation - i have 3 kids who live with me and now hubby, he has 3 kids 13,16,17 who live with their mum - she is constantly splashin the cash and the kids (his) wonder why we dont do the same?? my 3 although younger, 10,11,11 seem to be more clued up about money than the older ones because they dont always get what they ask for?? life is tough and you dont always have to feel you should say yes - its a tough call but one you have to do for your own benefit - my parents couldnt always say yes to me and i didnt think any less of them for it.

I agree dotty it is very hard when their are 2 sets of parents, we have tried to explain to his kids thta we have mortgage and other bills their mum does not as she gets help with her rent. They do n ot understand that teh moeny hubby gives his ex is to help pay for their upkeep because they do not acually get this moeny in their hands they jsut see it as money daddy gives mummy.

OberonSH

Personally I'd sit the older ones down and explain the situation to them. You needn;t go into details, but explain how you got into trouble by using credit cards, and then maybe they'll pick something up.

I don;t think you can ever stop kids making mistakes, but at least give them the basic facts that if you borrow money, you have to pay it back etc.

I intend to get my daughter involved in the household budget when she's old enough, and earn her pocket money by helping round the house - that way I hope she'll realise that money doesn;t magically appear in your accounts, and that there are ways to make what you have go further. I think too many kids these days take it for granted that if they ask long and hard enough, they get.

onestep

first off - :grouphug:

Child 1 sounds like she's doing alright, making contributions and working for herself. Child 2, well.. it sounds like you are doing all you can there too. Adult/Child 3 needs to understand that money does not grow on trees. It sounds like he's being irresponsible in the past, and maybe a good look at your finances together (if you can bear it) would help him to make sure it stays in his past, rather than becoming part of his future. At some point though, children do make their own decisions (says she wisely as the mother of a 2 year old! :rolleyes: ) and this may be one of those life lessons that have to be learnt in person. I hope you have given him a copy of Martin's book, and told him about this site - that would be a great start!

HTH

onestep

CosmoCat

Slayerx wrote:

This is going to sound silly but I really think there should be a 'Life Skills' lesson taught to kids in high school about dealing with money and credit etc either that or parents just need to really help there children by really explaining theses issues so we can see them do better than we did.

i was just turning my friend on to MSE, these forums and all the wonderful cashback sites that i found out about on here and all the other helpful tips. she said exactly that, that there should be courses at school that teaches these things. she said she would have benefitted from something like that. and that children are not turned onto the value of money and what spending and borrowing means.

to the OP, i would start charging your children interest on money that they ask you for to buy non-essential things. not exhorbitant interest of course but say they ask you for £5 for sweets (only an example of course) tell them you expect them to pay you back and that you will charge them 10 or 25p every week or month until they pay you back. that way they will learn very early on that if they BORROW money, they will have to pay back more than they borrowed.

just a little suggestion, don't know if it something like that will work with your kids but you never know.

all the best.

OberonSH

that's a great idea melabarrie - I totally agree that kids should be taught how to handle money - unfortunately schools don't, and TV tells them it's ok to borrow (cheers Carol!) so it's up to us to make sure the message gets through to them.

Slayerx

I guess there's only so much they can learn though, I learnt a lot through personal dealings with companies, I think that Martin should become a teacher

LookingAhead

Hi to the OP and also SlayerX...that does not sound silly at all. Life Skills at school would be fantastic.

OP: For what it is worth, I think you should tell your kids everything about your debt. They are old enough to know. Even if they do not heed the lessons, at least they can never say "Well you never told us....."

If it helps, my Mum & Step Father are in debt at an age where they should be retired and will have to work till they drop probably which is very very scary and sad. It has helped boost my debt clearing efforts....in fact I would go so far as to say it has scared the bejesus out of me and I am scared witless of ending up the same.

Good luck and best wishes for your own debt free journey.

L.A.xx