don't wnat my kids to end up like me

doelani

I have been doing a lot of thinking today and am trying to decide how best to teach my kids the value of money.

We are in year 2 of an IVA after running up debts of £110k.

Child 1 is 16, works part-time earning between £40-£70 per week. I give her no pocketmoney and she buys all her own clothes, toiletries etc. I top up her phone £15 every 4 weeks and give her £10 a week for school luches. Last year she paid £200 towards her holiday with her friend and her mum and saved her own spending money.


Child 2 in 17, he works full time and earns about £200 after deductions plus gets £55pw disabled tax credit. My son has got DLA since he was 2 and I have it paid to my account. I do not take any housekeeping of him as I keep his, dla £232 pm. I wish I did not have to but I look at this as intead of housekeeping and he does take a lot of looking after due to him having learning difficulties. If he ever moves out I will have to give him this money. He gets £100 of his wages each week for cigs, spends etc and the rest stays in bank til he needs something. He bought himself a new moterscooter and ever few weeks buys clothes etc. I have to keep his bank cards as he does not understand teh value of money and he would spen £200 in a weekend if I let him and cannot explain what he has done with it.

Child 3 in 22. He has always believed that if he needs something he just asks, he was lazy and did not want to work. Last year I got a call from his girlfriends mum to say he was taking all her money, turned out he packed his job in (was there 6 weeks ) did not sign on and was expecting her to support him. Twice we have helped him furnish homes, on my credit cards and though out his life he has always got what he wanted, guilt on my part because his dad and I split up and I tried to buy kids love.


Today I told child 1 and child 2 they have to start seriously looking after money, depending on how much child 1 earns she will save between £15-£20 per week and child 2 will continue at approx £150 per week but trying to get him to save long term rather than spend it every few weeks. I want the kids to appreciate the things they have and realise that they need money for emergencies. Do you think I have left it to late? 1&2 never ask me for anything as although they do not know about the IVA they know we now have no credit cards and save for anything we need.

Child 3 seems to be sorting his life out, he is now working and is buying stuff for his home, although I do not believe his new 42in HD lcd tv at £1600 was paid cash but what can I say? He is an adult and knows I got into debt years ago with his dad and I could not tell him I did it again only 10 times worse.

Any tips would be appreciated and sorry for long post.

skylight

"I could not tell him I did it again only 10 times worse."


Why cant you tell him? Show him the figures - bank account if you have to and everything that goes with it - shock him.

He can only make an informed choice if he is armed with all the information - but the other saying goes about leading horses to water and making them drink - you can't. He may never follow your guidance and there is nothing you can do about that (except stop bailing him out!)

taplady

hi there!

I found your post very interesting as we are in a similar position.We are approaching the end of year 1 of our IVA and have a 14 and 16 year old.I worry seriously about the 16 year old as money goes through his hands like water.he works part time and earns about £12 a week and supplements this with the occasional disco he runs.I give him £5 a week for school snacks and £5 pocket money.He has to pay for his own phone out of this.
They both know money has been tight but not the details.Like you I dont want them to make our mistakes and am always warning the eldest not to get a credit card! and to try and save for things they want but can hardly preach given our record with money!

I too would like any advice and tips you can all give us!

Ali-OK

I think a good way might be to show him how much something really costs by using credit, ie. if his tv was £1,600 and the interest is £500 over the period of paying a cc or loan, then the cost of the tv is really £2,100 and he could have had the £500 to spend on something else.

Only he can make the choices, but informed ones might give him something to think about.

doelani

charlotte664 wrote:

(except stop bailing him out!)

I have stopped bailing him out and it has caused a lot of ill feelings between us. I could never tell him about the IVA as I am too ashamed and noone except teh people who need to , IP etc.

doelani

sorry I should add as well I have 3 stepkids, 10, 11 and 12. They do not get pcoket money of us as their mum gets £70 per child support and they live with us 3 days a week so we feel what their mum gets is enough for her to sort out pocket money. At xmas etc we spend about £200 each on step kids and take them on holiday for a week every second year and this year as they are going with their mum we are giving them £100 each spending moeny. Youngest stepdaughter @10 is always asking for money as says we are tight for not giving them.

wigginsmum

Gosh that's a lot to spend on presents. My stepchildren (12 and 17) get £10/month each from us, about £50 for birthdays and Christmas, and the option of earning a bit more by doing chores.

doelani

wigginsmum wrote:

Gosh that's a lot to spend on presents. My stepchildren (12 and 17) get £10/month each from us, about £50 for birthdays and Christmas, and the option of earning a bit more by doing chores.

Step kids mum spends about £300 each on them, I guess we always spend a lot when we had the credit cards. Last year we tried to cut down and still spent a fortune. They get £25 each for their birthdays and a when we started IVA last year hubby started paying their mum extra £20 pw to cover things like school trips etc but told her that we would not be paying towards these trips as we usually did, kids still ask for extra spending money though when they go away. Hubby recently told his ex that as I am off work sick and could not afford to pay towards extras any more, one of his daughter then asked me when I was going back to work as my hubby was moaning that we only had one wage now and had no spare money. His daughter had overheard part of the conversation between hubby and ex. His kids do not understand that he helps pay for things by giving his ex the child support. I would add that CSA say he should only pay £30 per week as they stay with us 3 nights a week and he gives £70. I now feel guilty as we may be going on holiday in a few weeks.

wigginsmum

Yeah it's tough - we voluntarily pay more than the CSA assessment (they said £300/month - we pay £400) and still contribute extra for school trips and holidays, but we don't begrudge that. What I won't do is pay out fistfuls of notes just so they can have the latest clothes and gadgets. How old are the kids?

doelani

they are 10, 11 and 12. mine are 16 17 and 22. I just want them to understand the value of money as I would hate anyone else to get into the mess we are in.

All we can do is try our best

Slayerx

This is going to sound silly but I really think there should be a 'Life Skills' lesson taught to kids in high school about dealing with money and credit etc either that or parents just need to really help there children by really explaining theses issues so we can see them do better than we did.