divorce....opinions please

rumour_75

Hi guys,

I was with my ex for about 13 years in total, everything was great until we got married, then it all went wrong. He totally changed from this totally devoted guy to a nasty piece of work. He never got physical (thank god) but he was excellent at mind games, put downs and generally making me feel like a useless sack of poo. At that time i really didnt think i was worth much and that no one in their right mind would ever want me, so i put up with it.

Anyways, around the end of 2004, i was getting really close to a guy down the pub, he was 11 years my junior, so I dont think ex thought him to be much of a threat, but come christmas (and many affairs by ex later) i found out my ex was in touch with his ex, and confronted him. he broke down and begged for a second chance, which i gave him. in the january 2005, after scanning his email, he was still in touch with his ex, and really full on (pictures included, she's not much to look at either)

so we get back to toy boy. lots of talks and heart to hearts later, i leave ex hubby. Me and toy boy hooked up. Ex hubby did the stalky thing for a while, which really freaked me out. He was texting things like " im outside" when we were down the pub and freaky stuff like that. in the march, i told him about toy boy. didnt go down too well, but turns out, he had a back up plan anyway and flew to europe to be with his ex. theyre still together today.

Im no longer with toy boy, although it has taken over a year for me to admit that it is actually over ( i still think a lot of him, but he was far too young for anything serious), i now find myself single. the first time since 1993.

I have been fortunate enough not to need to contact my ex, but i now feel that i am strong enough to file for divorce.

the problem is that i dont have the first clue what to do. when i left, i walked out with the clothes on my back and nothing else. We had 13 years of life in a 2 bed flat, that i walked away from. Im not saying that im bitter, well actually i am a bit. i was left bankrupt from 40k of debt that he reckoned he knew nothing about!! (holidays, cars, bills, all paid for by the money fairy?? i think not) I dont want anything financially from him, as i said goodbye to that long ago. i just dont want him to know where i live, or to have any contact with him in person. can that be done?

all opinions are greatly appreciated, as like i said, what do i do?

Also, can i request that he pay for the divorce? i think i have paid enough already.

Thanks guys

dogcat_2

Firstly ...Well Done you, for getting out of the relationship. As for the divorce...are you working...if not you can probably get legal aid to cover it. If you are then it may be expensive. I would consult a solicitor as soon as possible. Do you think your ex will want a divorce? How long since you and ex split? The solicitor will advise you on all of the details and options. Good Luck.

rumour_75

hi dogcat,

unfotunately, i am my own worst enemy, i work, have no children and i have a rented flat. other than that, because of the bankruptcy, i dont really have any assetts as such, so i cant see what he would want. i have been told you can do th DIY divorce?? whatever that is.
I am quite a low earner though, so would it be worth popping down the CAB?

rumour_75

and thanks for your comments, much appreciated.

wiseways

You can get a cheap divorce on the internet, and to the best of my knowledge legal aid has to be paid back at some point, so is therefore more of a loan than a handout. Also the legal aid can aquire interest depending on how long it takes to pay back.

rumour_75

thanks wiseways, i'll look into that :O)

floss2

wiseways wrote: »

You can get a cheap divorce on the internet, and to the best of my knowledge legal aid has to be paid back at some point, so is therefore more of a loan than a handout...

This may depend upon the value of any settlement - which in this case may be nil.

Check out the CAB, and alos make an appointment with a family law solicitor for their free half hour session to get some advice.

MarsdenCuckoo

As far as I know, if you've been apart for 5 years then you can file for divorce (on the grounds of 'desertion'?) even if he doesn't consent - will mean you'll have to pay for it though. Good idea to see if you can get some initial free advice from a local solicitor but failing that just pop down (or ring) to your local Magistrates Court and ask them for guidance.

Not sure how you'll keep your address private (unless you do use a solicitor and can use their address i.e. c/o) as pretty sure you'll need to put that info on the forms.

Good luck.

Mely

Hi op....you need to see a solicitor, the first half hour appt is usually free. My friend had a divorce and her address was kept secret from her ex(he still doesnt know where she lives now:)). The solicitor blanked her address out of all paperwork that was sent to her ex. You need to make sure that your solicitor does this each time that correspondence is sent to your ex. You should also try for legal aid. I am not sure but i think that you only need to pay the legal aid back if you have assets, such as a house and if you sell it you pay the legal aid back from any profit (but i may be wrong!).
Mel x

rumour_75

thanks for the info guys, it is all really helpful. never being divorced before, its dificult to know where to start. i will get down the CAB and see what they say.
also thanks for the address info, thats a massive relief :O)

catspaw

1)Get an appointment with a legal aid solicitor
2) your ex will not be given your details if you say you don't want that
3) you can sign a non financial dependancy thing- as in you say you will not claim on his money and he on yours
4) if you've been apart for 2 years then it is a legal separation no questions asked
5) each party will have costs: for legal aid it will be £200 or just under. you will have to pay something

Hope it helps