The other side of the story

MicheH

JoeAlonso wrote: »

The best advice I had was to pick yourself up, it's not something you should be congratulated about and get on with your life, you have learned your lesson the hard way. I think I might post something similar on the Diary of a Broken Gambler thread because that fella does not need mothering he needs a boot up the backside like all ex-gamblers do.

Please don't. Amiga has worked extremely hard to get his life on track, we're not here to pass our feelings/judgements on but to help and support. I am extremely offended by this remark, it has nothing to do with congratulating a newly bankrupt and your distaste for this thread should not have been mentioned here. Amiga has had a lot of support from different people here through PM and at one point was extremely low. Please do not comment your feelings on his thread.

MicheH

JoeAlonso wrote: »

In saying that, some people do need that 'congratulations' but for me it's not a celebration. This forum should be for advice on genuine issues and worries, not an appreciation society.

It has been mentioned before but i'll reiterate. Many of us on here have mobile numbers, facebook contact, PM on MSE and chat via MSN, we build up friendships so it goes further than 'an appreciation society'

When I first started posting on here there was a massive row about congratulating newly bankrupt and since then the congratulations have all but subsided. Now it's more of a 'i'm relieved it's all over for you' feel of a reply.

I agree with the OP, there's many people who lose out in BR, it isn't a nice process and effects all involved but here isn't the place to discuss it I feel. We're a community here - quite close too but it isn't clicky, it's welcoming and that's what we have to remember - debates/ticking offs/frustrations/kick up the backsides are not what is needed or wanted on this board.. it's full of vulnerable people. Lets all remember that.

dojoman

MicheH wrote: »

Please don't. Amiga has worked extremely hard to get his life on track, we're not here to pass our feelings/judgements on but to help and support. I am extremely offended by this remark, it has nothing to do with congratulating a newly bankrupt and your distaste for this thread should not have been mentioned here. Amiga has had a lot of support from different people here through PM and at one point was extremely low. Please do not comment your feelings on his thread.

Well said MicheH, could not have said it better myself. :T

philnicandamy

call me an old cynic....anybody notice the OP now seems a little disinterested in posting further? :rolleyes: (15 posts and 300 + views eh?...thats unusual)
and Joe?....I totally agree with micheH....NO need for an attack on another member we all seem good enough when we post in answer to your questions elsewhere...you dont know half the circumstances with amigas situation and to be honest its comments like yours that do the worse damage..really makes people think why bother staying here to help people when comments like that are made AND you wonder why people have an issue with bankrupts here treating people like scum :mad::mad:

for what its worth? people decide on a diary here to help manage day to day & give people in the future help with trying to cope day to day...I wish nearly 3yrs ago I had the nerve to post all my personal feelings in a diary for all to see...Amiga has some guts to do what he's done and if anything deserves to be commended NOT judged

philnicandamy

JoeAlonso wrote: »

I think I might post something similar on the Diary of a Broken Gambler thread because that fella does not need mothering he needs a boot up the backside like all ex-gamblers do.

In saying that, some people do need that 'congratulations' but for me it's not a celebration. This forum should be for advice on genuine issues and worries and thats what its been here for the 3yrs or so i've been around, not an appreciation society. Hmm if thats what you think [/QUOTE]


although joe if you dont like what you read nobody really asks you to stick around

I suggest something for you to read...might come in handy

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=443692

and for what its worth although its been repeated a zillion times before.....if you cant be bothered to search..

The word congratulations is for getting through the bankruptcy the lead up and the court day....NOWHERE is it a congrats for getting one over your creditors

3yrs ago I had NO choice bankruptcy was my only option and believe me I tried everything I could....I still have days now nearly 3yrs later where I feel its the worse thing I ever did but hey ho....

Have a nice life jo..

JoeAlonso

To Philnicandamy and MicheH I did not mean it as a personal attack on Amiga. As a former gambler myself I was just stating that the best advice I received was a massive kick in the backside rather than a softly softly approach as most gamblers who receive the gentle approach go on to 're-offend' as such. But like you said you probably know him better than me so maybe needs that different approach.

I was just stating that I take it as Pobby takes it that Congratulations and all the banners, thumbs up, party like seens seen a little wrong to me. It should be more well done for sorting yourself out and here is the advice to move on.

It was never a personal attack on anyone it was just my opinion, I reckon I should just keep that opinion to myself and use the forum for the advice I require and for the advice I can offer.

I hope no offence was taken.

philnicandamy

sadly thats not how the post came across....I did find it offensive BUT the nature of this place sometimes can make you read more into it..we're all sore with having to constantly defend and explain ourselves every single day about why we're bankrupts.

many many times i've seen posts like this over time that usually are only for what effect people can see happen...its never nice and always ends up very nasty towards bankrupts...if you read other parts of the forum you'll see posts stating bankrupts as the worse in the world we should be shot/jailed/hanged etc etc

I spent some nights talking to amiga off forum and believe me if this place hadnt offered the help he asked for it could have been a whole different ending...

I certainly dont see here as an "appreciation" club....its more kick one of us & we all feel the pain

again...the banners/pictures etc are a congratulations for getting through what is one of the most hardest things I and many here had to go through...at no time is it a "well done for wiping £1,000000's of debt out and getting one over"

Pobby

In fact I have been following the thread all day and part of me feels that I had wished I hadn`t started it. I also know Amiga and we have had PMs.

It certainly wasn`t posted to upset, wind up or troll. I will be honest and when I posted it last night it was after a few beers and it did concern me that perhaps it sounded like it might come across that way.

MicheH

I wasn't offended by your original thread at all Pobby. I can totally see your point and congratulating people on having to go bankrupt is near the knuckle, it's distasteful to the core but I don't see anything wrong with posting things like 'i'm so pleased it's all over for you, have a beer and get a good nights sleep tonight' which I believe many of the 'congratulations' posts are about now. Many of the people we see on here have asked for help and guidance all the way through, some rely on our words to help them with their personal battles, some are in a right mess with what they've had to do, they become our friends and we feel the relief for them when the horrid day in court comes.

The way the tread has turned out isn't your fault at all Pobby but it was kind of a red rag to a bull as we come under criticism about it all the time. I appreciate that for all there's no 'we got one over on the big creditors' there's still a feeling like the creditors are the big nasty people and we (I) do forget that there's small businesses suffering because of BR.

So sorry your thread became a little of a debate.. it's nothing believe me - i've seen much worse been slung about on here, some of it directed to me personally, please hold your head up high, you kindly asked us to remember that there's people out there suffering due to bankruptcy and for that I thank you as I forgot that it's not just big money lenders who are creditors.

nervousmother

We are discharged BR's who run a business. We had a few people go BR on us before we had to go down that route, indeed during our BR someone could not pay their invoice and gave us their BR number and OR contact details. It is hard when someone cant pay you, you chase for the debt as you need it then finally you find out you have no choice but to put it as a bad debt. Business' struggle anyway and could do without it so i am with you 100% in your feelings.

I however am one of the first to congratulate someone for getting through the day of court and again when they are discharged. The reason for this is I have been in that same boat, before going BR the weight on the shoulders is too much, the fear of going to court and what will come next.. BR is by no means the easy way out and I will congratulate someone for getting through it for taking back control. The same goes at discharge, i congratulate as i am genuinly happy that they have finished with it, that they can now begin a new hopefully different life.

As someone else has said we are friends on this board, we offer support to each other and new members, but stick around a while.. see what happens if a member comes along and posts with glee on how they run up debts prior to BR on purpose or how they can hide their £5000 car. You will soon see they dont get the reception they were looking for...