Hen Weekend...nitemare friends :(

vics007

They are all nightmares!! As if I havn't got enough to do sorting a wedding (whilst on maternity leave i might add)!
Right, decided on a big weekend at butlins a couple of months ago...evry1 really up 4 it but two months on its still not booked coz not everyone had paid their measly £15 deposit..i keeping getting 'oh i'll drop it round' blah blah. Deposits have now gone up to £25, probably as it only 4 months away + i still am getting no joy off my 'friends'. I've set up a facebook event + said again on there about the money...they've all accepted their invite + said they're attending but no one has responded about the money... is this just some massive joke on me?! To top it off my (ex) chief bridesmaid (she's made all the excuses under the sun to not be bridesmaid so isnt doing it now)...well i'm sure she thinks she's coming for free... she off her own back bought a prom dress(which didnt match anyway), she was supposedly gona wear this so i said dont worry about hen weekend money as it worked out the same as dress (iykwim) so now she's not mentioned anything about the money.
Sorry to rant but none of my mates appear to understand..they are rubbish lol
Thanks for listening xxx

Jinx

Sorry to hear its just another hassle, it should be a fun part of the wedding! Could you maybe ask the ex chief bridesmaid to be responsible for gathering the money?

I was worried about my hen nite and so had a cocktail night at home, one friend arranged the silly games, another the silly hen gear and we just had a cheap, alcoholic, silly night in. Not everyones cuppa but I didnt have/want the stress of hotel rooms etc...

Good luck for the wedding!!:T

Hugs
Jinx

karen_newcastle

Sorry to hear that planning your hen party is not going smoothly :-(

Maybe your friends are worried about the money...not just the finding the deposit but paying for the rest of the weekend. They might be finding it difficult to let you down.

For my Hen Party I hired a room (free) in a local swish cocktail bar and collected £10 each from the 50 girls I'd invited. So I had £500 to buy a butler-in-the-buff and a disco/karaoke. I also had money left for a cocktail for everyone (which the butler served). I had the best night ever and as it was cheap as chips lots and people turned up and we had a huge girly party!!!

I've been invited in a few weekend hen parties and unfortunately I've had to say no to some as the costs do mount with travel, hotel and then food and drinks over the weekend. So what seems like a good idea at the time can often be a disaster in reality.

I know it seems they are letting you down but dont be too hard on them if they are struggling to find the cash and maybe arrange something locally instead?

superfran_uk

Unfortunately, while I sympathise with you, I know what your friend are probably feeling - I'd just turn down an expensive hen do now but that's with hindsight having organised one for my best friend. 12 out of 15 of us were in stable well paying jobs (this was before I had my mortgage and my own wedding to save for) and had no problem paying for the meal, hotel, bar etc - but 2 were slightly younger and had no money which left them eating starters and drinking water, and one just moaned about everything!

Unless you have rich friends who are all rolling in money (enough to buy the new dress, wedding present AND a weekend away) then i'd stick to a local do; that's what I'll be having. Putting financial expectations on people is a sure way for things to go wrong as you've experienced. Is it too late to cancel and do something else?

What I don't understand is why you are organising this - sounds like your bridesmaid's job to me? It also sounds like you told your ex-bridesmaid that she didn't have to pay in leiu of the dress - that's the impression I get from your post? Or has she since dropped out of the role?

Kildare

I really sympathise with you as your friends did say they would come and should have been upfront when you first started arranging the 'do if it was too much money.

My SIL had her 'do in the summer - it was originally planned as a weekend away with a lot of costly activities (spa, strip club, cocktail making event, singing event + hotel). I was upfront and said I would only be coming to main evening out due to costs and was moaned at by my fellow bridesmaids for not being supportive enough - though my SIL completely understood. Closer to the date other girls started dropping out which meant they had to cancel some of the plans and this lead to dissappointment for the bride.

I think you should get on the phone with your friends now (or get your new chief bridesmaid to do it!) and ask them honestly do they want to come and is it a money issue. At least this way you still have time to make new plans. Personally I'm going to have a one-night 'do - a meal and drinks with a few girls - and keep it low key :-)

vics007

Hi, thanks for your replies! My only other bridesmaid is 8 lol...so no choice but to sort my own hen do
Yeah had made it really clear to ex CB that i'd pay her money as same price of the dress to save me having to pay her back for the dress and then she pay me back for the weekend. (the non matching dress that she didnt tell me about until she'd bought it.)
Maybe i should do something more local...just hurts a bit wen the hen weekends ive gone + saved for are either abroad or weekend like butlins or blackpool.
Thanks 4 u help xxxx

talulahbeige_2

I agree with posters who said about expense.
Personally, whilst I would love a big do, weekend away with all the trimings its just not possible for a lot of people especially given the climate were in.
If you add up all the costs involved in attending a wedding you have the weddign gift, the hotel accommodation, travel, drinks whilst at the wedding, new outfit and then put the hen night on top its a ridiculously large amouont of money and thats even if its a local do.

I'd stick local and give people options of what they want to attend. Eg go to a matinee showing of a musical in the afternoon, a few drinks afterwards, a meal in a nice restaurant and then a club, that way there is something for everyone and people can pick and choose what they do, Eg MOB can go to the show and a couple of drinks, work mates can coem to the club, etc etc

PolishBigSpender

I think it's rather rude to EXPECT your friends to pay for your party. Can't you just organise something locally?

frugallass

vics007 wrote: »

They are all nightmares!!
Sorry to rant but none of my mates appear to understand..they are rubbish lol
Thanks for listening xxx

Hmmm great friend you are too - I think I can understand why they're avoiding you

wiggychick

Can I suggest that you look into what's available on Clubcard vouchers (other discount schemes are available...) Me & my hens are off to a Youth Hostel for a weekend with a day at a theme park and a day out walking. Both the theme park and the YHA accept vouchers which means that it is a quarter of the price it would normally be (and the YHA isn't expensive either!)
My CBM has taken over all of the organising. If some friends don't want to come, then that's up to them; they're the ones that will be missing out.

I'm afraid that if you want this sorting out it will take time & effort.
Hopefully you'll be able to persuade your BM to do this for you:
Visit your friends at home, tell them that you are booking it this weekend and you need the deposit now. If they can't do it there and then (or get it to you the following day) then leave them with the details so that they can book it themselves individually.
That way you know exactly who you are booking it for, you have deposits and you can assume that the others aren't coming until they tell you they have booked their place.
Hope that helps & Good luck herding your hens!
Wiggyxx

Less than 6 months to go!

Kay_Peel

I'm saddened to hear about friends lack of interest, but I can understand their point of view. I think you'll find that nearer the time they will have excuses for not going at all - for whatever reason. Maybe it's too expensive or they don't like Butlins or they are not close enough to you to spend the whole weekend away from their own families.

Take the hint, cancel Butlins and return any money that people have given you - because it's time for a re-think.

Personally, I wouldn't organise ANYTHING. When people ask what you're doing say: 'There's nothing planned.'

As you say, you've got enough on your plate just organising the wedding and looking after a new baby.

True friends will get together and make a Hen Night for you. It doesn't have to be big and it doesn't have to involve huge expense to be an unforgettable night with the girls who mean the most to you. So, relax and just let it happen.

Best of luck with your preparations. :beer: