New years resolution

mrs_T

Would like some advice with a view to deciding my new years resolution 2010. Hubby and I have been together 27 years (I met him within a couple of months of leaving home at 18) and have 3 kids 17,16 and 11. Eldest has just finished her uni application for next year and out of 5 choices 2 are for home uni and 3 she would have to live away. She has been working 1 day a week for 2 years but hasn't saved a penny, although she does use her own money to pay for her booze, fags, clothes and socialising.

We both work full time (me as a compressed week so I can have fridays to clean house, pretend I'm a good mother, see friends, run errands etc.) We have never had a joint a/c in our lives, he pays the utilities, 2 kids pocket money and little bit of mortgage that's left (finished in 3 years) and I pay everything for myself, kids plus groceries, household expenses etc. In the last few months I've paid to change his old car so it could be shared with eldest (but it ended up he then took larger family car and DD and I share little car) and over 1k for her driving lessons.

We both row with DD and I always thought she would go away to uni and we might get on better. However he is now saying where is the money coming from for her to go to uni. He didn't leave home till the day before he married me at 28 which meant he had a nest egg built up that I've never had. I know that we are lucky living in Scotland she will not have fees to pay but what else do I have to budget for from September 2010 as it looks like it'll be me that's paying as usual.

Sorry for the long rant.

Oldernotwiser

Your daughter will receive a student loan and a grant which will enable her to pay for her keep if she stays at home or to live independently if she goes to another university. You can find the details on http://www.student-support-saas.gov.uk/

bestpud

Are you saying you pay proportionately more than your OH when it comes to keeping the household?

You say your money covers things for you and the children (although he pays the pocket money) groceries, and household expenses, but what are those costs if he pays the utilities and mortgage?

Who receives the child benefit (and tax credits)?

If you don't want the smaller car then don't let him take the bigger one - that seems very simple to me.

If you pay too high a share then you need to sit down and show him he needs to contribute more.

As said, your dd can keep herself through uni, although she may have to give up the fags...

I firmly believe we can only be treated as a door mat for as long as we are prepared to lie down and be trodden on!

mrs_T

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Your daughter will receive a student loan and a grant which will enable her to pay for her keep if she stays at home or to live independently if she goes to another university. You can find the details on http://www.student-support-saas.gov.uk/

Thanks for that, by grant I guess you mean the bit that says young students bursary but it says if family income is over 34k it will be reduced to zero. This is the same as the educational maintenance allowance none of my kids get even though we are supporting three of them.

So the only money she would be entitled to is minimum debt (loan) of 915 pounds a year I think. I better start saving hard in the new year.

bestpud wrote: »

I firmly believe we can only be treated as a door mat for as long as we are prepared to lie down and be trodden on!

Yes, I think my new year resolution is to be less of a doormat, I feel like I'm running to keep still and not getting any fun out of life.

bestpud

mrs_T wrote: »

Thanks for that, by grant I guess you mean the bit that says young students bursary but it says if family income is over 34k it will be reduced to zero. This is the same as the educational maintenance allowance non of my kids get even though we are supporting three of them.

So the only money she would be entitled to is minimum debt (loan) of 915 pounds a year I think. I better start saving hard in the new year.

Yes, I think my new year resolution is to be less of a doormat, I feel like I'm running to keep still and not getting any fun out of life.

Well, I guess if you are prepared to pay it then your OH will let you...!

Sounds a good resolution to me but why wait until then if you are unhappy now?

Oldernotwiser

mrs_T wrote: »

So the only money she would be entitled to is minimum debt (loan) of 915 pounds a year I think. I better start saving hard in the new year.
.

I'm not very up on the Scottish system so won't comment. If she's living away from home, you'll save quite a bit and can pass it on to her as an allowance.

mountainofdebt

MrsT

You sound as if you have a very similar arrangement to me and my OH - where I pay for the DDs and OH pays for the weekly shop and yes I guess I pay proportionately more than OH.

However I think the main difference is if I wanted something or something needed buying then OH will pay and if our son wants/needs money then OH will give it to him.

As a matter of interest, what does your OH spend the rest of his wages on ? Or does he save the money - and do you know how much he has saved?

I know this is a stupid question but when your daughter started her higher level course did it not occur to your OH that she would want to go to Uni? How did he invisage paying for it?

As far as your daughter is concerned, what incentive have you given her to save her money?

Savvy_Sue

mrs_T wrote: »

I better start saving hard in the new year.

Is it just me wondering why you should start saving when your DD is not prepared to?

mrs_T

mountainofdebt wrote: »

MrsT

You sound as if you have a very similar arrangement to me and my OH - where I pay for the DDs and OH pays for the weekly shop and yes I guess I pay proportionately more than OH.

However I think the main difference is if I wanted something or something needed buying then OH will pay and if our son wants/needs money then OH will give it to him.

As a matter of interest, what does your OH spend the rest of his wages on ? Or does he save the money - and do you know how much he has saved?

I know this is a stupid question but when your daughter started her higher level course did it not occur to your OH that she would want to go to Uni? How did he invisage paying for it?

As far as your daughter is concerned, what incentive have you given her to save her money?

Not quite the same, oh pays for gas, electric, council tax, house insurance, mortgage, his petrol and £60 a month in pocket money for younger 2, I pay for everything else the bulk of which is groceries, telephone etc. He certainly doesn't spend on himself either so I guess he must have money left to save.

I want dd to go to uni and she is doing well to be working and keeping herself (other than board and lodging) from her wage. I wasn't saving at her age but that was in the days of proper student grants.

Thanks for the advice but like many on here new years resolution will be to save more.

bestpud

How about suggesting to your dd that she save some money towards uni and you will match it, if you can't go the whole hog and let her fund herself?

That way, she learns to save and you are still helping her out, but less...

You could even say you will tripe it up to a certain amount, if you want to be very generous.

Also, why not start putting some bits and pieces by now (BOGOF and the like) for when she starts, so you can give her a big parcel to go with, but for little cost to yourself?

My sil bought toiletries and other household items, as well as some non-perishable foods, when they were on BOGOF and put them by for my niece so she had a big box of goodies but at no real cost to my sil.

Savvy_Sue

mrs_T wrote: »

I want dd to go to uni and she is doing well to be working and keeping herself (other than board and lodging) from her wage. I wasn't saving at her age but that was in the days of proper student grants.

But what she's not learning is how to budget, how to prioritise expenditure (if she's smoking!) and generally how to 'manage'.

Do think ahead to what you will say if she decides she doesn't have time to do a job while she's studying, but still wants to maintain a busy social life and her smoking, and expects you to fund that. If she saved now, she wouldn't have to come to you for EVERYTHING!

For example, DS2 has taken up a new hobby at University. It's not cheap, but he feels that his loan covers the basics (food, accommodation etc) and he can fund his hobby from what he saved before going to Uni. Which is just as well, because it's not a hobby I would be prepared to fund, had he asked.