Birthday party in a pub

downshifter

Dear all, I've been invited to a birthday party in a pub (60 yr old) tonight. It seems to be a properly organised formal do with invitations etc. I rarely socialise other than the odd drink after work or very occasional meal with friends so I'm not sure how it works. Is it likely that drinks will be provided or maybe one drink and thereafter you buy your own? I'm not sure if there will be food provided, maybe the pub will put on nibbles - would these be paid for by the host or would we put into a kitty or something?
Sorry to sound dense but I have no idea what the convention is. I've sometimes seen pubs put on parties on tv and wondered then who pays for what and so on.

I don't know anyone, hardly know the host even though it's been really kind of them (neighbours) to invite me. I'm rather hoping that I can catch flu between now and then which is unlikely and incredibly selfish though I'm already very nervous. I don't even know which door to go in or anything - how will I even know I'm in the right place? Also it says 7.30 on the invitation, does that mean to be there at that time, or even a bit before? Or later? I don't want to be the first or the last in.

Anyway if someone could at least let me know what normally happens at a party in a pub that would help, I can at least make sure I've got the right money with me.

Sorry about this when everyone has such huge problems, this is turning into my idea of a nightmare!

DS

onetomany

i would go around 8ish , you might reconise somebody you tent to offer to by the birthday boy a drink then you pay for your own in genaral uless they have put money behind the bar if thats the case he should tell you , if there is food it would have been payed for my the host , try and relax and enjoy it

princessamy86

OHs family are fond of these sorts of dos- first of all take a deep breath and don't get worked up too much about it. If it's going to be very stressful for you then perhaps you need to make a plan to follow (for example):
Get ready with plenty of time, decide what you are wearing and avoid any need to rush and get flustered.

I would aim to arrive for around 7.45pm, I would think that would put you right in the middle of everyone arriving.

Do you need to take a gift? If not, I would definitely advise a card.

I think it's likely that people will be paying for their own drinks, it's rare now that hosts put money behind the bar-you will be told if this is the case!

Does it not say on the invitation whether or not there will be food? Again, I would assume there will be but eat something small before you leave the house, cheese on toast is a good one as you can always fit some small nibbles in afterwards.

Don't worry about which door to go in, there'll probably be lots of people arriving so you can either follow them, ask staff or have a look around-lots of people put balloons up for something like this.

Think that covers most things? Above all, just try and enjoy it, you never know where'll you make a new friend, and you could have a really good time.

Cazza

If it was me, I'd assume I was buying my own drinks all evening but that there would probaby be food laid on - buffet / finger food type stuff and no need to pay for it. If it says 7:30 on the invite, I'd be there by 8. I wouldn't get there early but I am one of those people who is always running 10 mins late for everything.

I hope you have a great time, despite your nerves!

Anne3333

Hi Downshifter,
Firstly try not to panic! Your neighbours asked you because they want you there, so that is a nice thing!
Perhaps pop along to have a look at the pub, during the day, from the outside before the event. You can then feel comfortable about where to park/journey and where the entrance is.
Wear something nice but something you feel comfortable in and give yourself time to get ready so you are not stressed. In regards to the drinks/food etc, every party is different, although think it is likely that some sort of nibbles will be provided, although not necessarily drinks. To be on the safe side, have a small snack before you leave home and make sure you have enough money to buy yourself a drink or two.
Honestly try not to worry, keep in the back of your mind that you can leave whenever you want to, so if you really feel uncomfortable you can just stay half hour and then make your apologies.
It is hard to go out and be social, when you are not used to it, but you may find you have a great time and make new friends in the process.
Take care, relax, and let us all know how you got on!

donquine

downshifter wrote: »

Is it likely that drinks will be provided or maybe one drink and thereafter you buy your own?

Everyone will probably buy rounds or their own drinks. Don't forget to offer to buy a drink for the birthday boy/girl when you arrive and maybe turn up with a greetings card.

downshifter wrote: »

I'm not sure if there will be food provided, maybe the pub will put on nibbles - would these be paid for by the host or would we put into a kitty or something?

If enough people are invited, most pubs do nibbles for free. They generally make enough money from alcohol sales to be able to do this! I would doubt a sit down meal has been planned - gets difficult with so many people! Have a light snack before you go, just in case.

downshifter wrote: »

I'm rather hoping that I can catch flu between now and then which is unlikely and incredibly selfish though I'm already very nervous.

Are you just nervous or do you actually not want to go?

downshifter wrote: »

I don't even know which door to go in or anything - how will I even know I'm in the right place? Also it says 7.30 on the invitation, does that mean to be there at that time, or even a bit before? Or later? I don't want to be the first or the last in.

There might be a wee area cordoned off, or reserved signs somewhere. If in doubt, ask a member of staff. Depending on what time you get there, you might be able to spot a large group of people!

The host should be there early, even if no one else is. Turn up for 7.45.

downshifter wrote: »

I can at least make sure I've got the right money with me.

Most pubs let you pay by card, so if you run out of cash, don't worry.

downshifter wrote: »

Sorry about this when everyone has such huge problems, this is turning into my idea of a nightmare!

Everyone's mountain to climb looks different. Don't apologise.

downshifter

I know I should just click people's thanks buttons but wanted to emphasise how grateful I am to everyone for these answers. I feel loads better now. Yes I think I'm organised in terms of what to wear (not easy when you have 2 wardrobes full of jeans and jumpers or variations on that theme!!!) and where the pub/parking etc is. He has asked for donations to his favourite charity so I'll take a card. And donquine, you're absolutely right, I don't want to go as I don't understand the point of this sort of event. However it isn't about me (despite appearances!!) it's about helping him celebrate a milestone in the way he wants to do it and if despite my terror, I can help him to do that in a small way then I'm up for it.

Again, thanks, I'm still nervous as hell but better after your explanations. Off to the cashpoint now! How much should I take out I wonder?

DS

princessamy86

How much do you think you will drink, and what's your tipple of choice?

downshifter

princessamy86 wrote: »

How much do you think you will drink, and what's your tipple of choice?

Not bothered really, diet coke, water, nothing... whatever. I'll be driving so not bothered about alcoholic. I thought, if my overdraft allows it, that I'd take out £30 to allow for buying a round or so, if I end up with a group of people however I can't help thinking that that is the equivalent of nearly 2 weeks food bill which I really can't afford so hoping I can keep it well below that but still pay my way. I can't also help thinking I'd rather pay that money to the charity he's chosen rather than to the pub but still, it doesn't do to analyse these things too much does it. Thanks again.

princessamy86

I don't think you really need to get involved in rounds if you're not drinking alcohol, a diet coke in a pub is about £1 round where I live, but that's in the north so it depends where you are. I think you should give whatever you like to the charity, I wouldn't envisage you needing more than £10 for the pub? Not if you're not drinking. Don't feel pressurized into buying rounds for people, if they are drinking alcohol then they shouldn't expect you to chip in when you're not.

ETA: You should budget for buying the birthday boy a drink, however a lot of people will do this so don't worry if the offer is turned down

pookienoodle

The advice you have had so far is spot on so I have nothing to add other than,
Relax and enjoy yourself,
The fact that you are going when you don't really want to shows what a lovely person you are..no wonder you were invited.
Don't forget to update us on how it went.