Paying Maintenance Whilst Child at University

speedster

chriszzz wrote: »

I don't see why you should have to pay the mother this maintenance, your son is a young man and it would be much better for your son if you could come to an agreement with him direct.
The mother shouldn't be getting the money now that he is living away. Your son is old enough to start taking responsibility and with your help am sure he will be appreciate this.
I would take shells good advice and go and get free consultation!!

agreed. and stop paying her. you will be in a far better postion to help your son.

what on earth she needs £200 a week for a child that doesn't live with her is beyond me.

in fact, why doesn't she give him the money. after all, it is CHILD support??????

cavkc

Thanks guys - we will definitely take some legal advice before stopping her payments, but I appreciate your thoughts, which totally concur with our view.

I just really object to the £800 keeping her in designer clothing when we would be struggling to support him at university.

The money is 100% for child support as her ex-spouse maintenance ceased when he reached 16.

Mind you this is someone who tried to get maintenance FOR LIFE during the initial proceedings, as she does not feel she should have to go out to work ever as she didn't for the 5 years they were married.

I guess her only argument would be that we paid for his private education, as well as paying her maintenance, so why should that change. However I also have a child, who attended state school, but obviously we want to treat them the same during their university years, which would be impossile if also paying her maintenance. It would be totally unfair for his child to leave university loan free and yet my child to have a heafty loan.

Sorry for the rant !!

LizzieS_2

Do you have the exact wording of the consent order?

Is there a university within travelling distance to where mother & child lived at the point of the consent order being made?

The amount obviously reflects the income of his father at the time of the consent order.

The true picture rests on what the intentions were at the time - it is hardly surprising to see a father saying it covers the seperate accomodation costs of university, and mother saying it only covers the "home" costs as the amount went down at 16.

I would get out all the paperwork (including letters from each solicitor as there could be clues in there), and seek professional advice, as there is no guarantee that the £800 would not go up if salary has substantially increased.

cavkc

LizzieS wrote: »

Do you have the exact wording of the consent order?

Is there a university within travelling distance to where mother & child lived at the point of the consent order being made?

The amount obviously reflects the income of his father at the time of the consent order.

The true picture rests on what the intentions were at the time - it is hardly surprising to see a father saying it covers the seperate accomodation costs of university, and mother saying it only covers the "home" costs as the amount went down at 16.

I would get out all the paperwork (including letters from each solicitor as there could be clues in there), and seek professional advice, as there is no guarantee that the £800 would not go up if salary has substantially increased.

Exact wording 'up until the child reaches the age of 18, or remains in full time education up to and including first degree'. There is nothing stating we have to pay for his education, although we have been doing so, and will continue until he completes sixth form.

This order was made when the child was 6 years old (and has increased year on year to reach the £800pm we are now at). Obviously at that time no thought was given to university education and no mention of such is made in any correspondence.

He will definitely be leaving home to attend university as there is nothing suitable within travelling distance from home. Clearly at 6 years old no-one could have anticipated where or what he would study.

Her "home" costs for the child would be nil during the time he is away at university, so what would that £800 be meant to pay for when he is not there. It cannot be to maintain the home for her as her maintenance has finished.

FYI she lives mortgage free in a lovely house (much better than ours) provided as part of the divorce settlement. He lives 50% of the time with us, however when the order was made it was only every other weekend, but we have never sort to seek a reduction in the maintenance as she would simply have stopped him coming here so much. He also spends the vast majority of the school holidays with us (his choice)

Extremely unlikely that the £800 would be increased as we/he earn significantly less than 10 years ago. However we would prefer not to go down the court route as we had mega legal fees previously.

We will take legal advice but then try to come to an agreement with her, better to be forarmed though in advance which is why we are looking into the matter now.

I just simply do not 'get' why child maintenance should not be used to maintain the child at university, particularly when there is nothing to the contrary in the order, or any correspondence.

Kimitatsu

I realise that you are reluctant to go down the legal route but really I would take advice.

In the time since that order has been made there have been huge movements in maintenance agreements, and the fairness on both parties. I would be utterly gobsmacked if a court did not rule in your favour, not only because he lives with you for 50% of the time (on that basis alone you would get a reduction in maintenance). It may never get to court, the court system is very keen on mediation now and solicitors will advise both parties to comprimise where possible - given the above, I would imagine any solicitor would be telling her to get a job!

As the child is now 18 she cannot stop him from seeing you, he is entitled to see who he chooses. I know you dont want to rock the boat but being honest it sounds like she is taking it for all its worth :eek:

cavkc

Kimitatsu wrote: »

being honest it sounds like she is taking it for all its worth :eek:

Always has, always will as long as she is able.

I buy my clothing at Next - she shops at Harrods !

I buy the children clothes from Primark for school - she only lets him wear designer clothing and god forbid he ends up at her house in a Primark vest, there is hell to pay as 'it is not good enough for her son' :mad:

Rikki

cavkc wrote: »

Always has, always will as long as she is able.

I buy my clothing at Next - she shops at Harrods !

I buy the children clothes from Primark for school - she only lets him wear designer clothing and god forbid he ends up at her house in a Primark vest, there is hell to pay as 'it is not good enough for her son' :mad:

With her getting £800 a month she can afford to shop at Harrods, especially if he is living with you 50% of the time and you clothing him too.

If you could make sure the money went to him for all his expenses I'm sure you'd feel better and so would he. It is understandable you want to support him through university but what guarantee have you she will contribute any of that £800 and if she did £800 would be more than enough for a student to live on. Why should you continue to support her champagne lifestyle at the same time.

You have a year to mull this over and work out the best course of action for you.

I only get a little more than £800 a month to run my entire house.

cavkc

Thank you. All we want is to see that the £800 pm goes to support him at university and that we are not paying out twice. In an ideal world we would pay it to his university/accomodation directly (to stop him spending it say on a fast car instead :eek:).

Part of the problem is that as a couple they were quite well off whilst married, however things change and we certainly do not have anywhere near the income they we used to have. However we have strugged to maintain her payments and have never missed paying or been late by even a single day.

She does work 2 half days a week and has made it clear she refuses to do more, whereas we both work full time and the rest to support everyone.

It makes matters worse when, for a variety of reasons, I have never received a single penny in maintenace from my childs father since the day we spilt up 10 years ago.

It feels like between the 2 of us, we are having to support everyone and pay for everything, which is quite honestly killing us to do.

Rikki

I would certainly get some advice on how to change the arrangement when he goes to university. Seek a free consultation with a solicitor. You don't have to act on the suggestions or take them up on their services at this moment in time but it will ease your fears.
It doesn't say you have to pay her the maintenance through degree level, you may be able to amend the maintenance terms to supporting him direct. Cut out the middle man so to speak.

You could pay your sons fees and leave him to find work to help pay for his living expenses.He may qualify for loans but that will be down to your personal finances. He is lucky you are able to help many have to fund their own way through university.

speedster

just stop bloody paying her.

the court wont enforce it and will tell her to go to the csa.

and as the child will not be residing with her, she'll get naff all.

off to primark for the fricking gold digger!! :rolleyes: