confused

MileySmiley_2

no i think dave is just agreeing with fitz.

chriszzz

Fitz, Hope things work out well and your sons dad takes responsibility for his child.
Good Luck!

DX2

blimey40 wrote: »

two sides to an argument??

always........

DX2

MileySmiley wrote: »

Maybe you should read fitz's other postings....he's played the game very well i'm afraid.
Yes there are 2 sides but her ex has been very unreasonable and selfish, hopefully in the future when he is earning he will help towards the costs of having children.
Good luck fitz.

Most divorces aren't nice, or the reasons that the divorce came about. The OP can be the bigger one in this situation, I was just pointing out that the situation isn't a game and shouldn't be played like one either. One day her ex will see the error of his way regarding his child hopefully sooner rather than later.

fitzilian19

in the meantime he goes to uni 10mins away, lives in same town and hasnt even come to visit his son for 7.5 weeks... i have only refused one visit - on grounds of attending my grandads funeral hundreds of miles away.


hes doing his best to get me kicked out of the marital home so his name isnt on the mortgage... that has been his goal from day one.


he was earning 30k sitting in an office, with 1week of real work a week. repeating his final year wont get him a better job/career... it has got him out of £220 month child support and contributing to the mortgage.
all the time hes living rent free with woman he left me for - im struggling to pay bills & buy food.


ive held my tongue throughout all this... i hope im being the bigger person in all this... i just want whats best for my son

DUTR

fitzilian19 wrote: »

ive held my tongue throughout all this... i hope im being the bigger person in all this... i just want whats best for my son

He is a student right now , so you have to deal with the present during the present.
Open a case with the csa but take heed to what other posters earlier have replied,when his circumstances change then you may benefit, but this fighting the ex thing is for losers.

Kimitatsu

fitzilian19 wrote: »

in the meantime he goes to uni 10mins away, lives in same town and hasnt even come to visit his son for 7.5 weeks... i have only refused one visit - on grounds of attending my grandads funeral hundreds of miles away.


hes doing his best to get me kicked out of the marital home so his name isnt on the mortgage... that has been his goal from day one.


he was earning 30k sitting in an office, with 1week of real work a week. repeating his final year wont get him a better job/career... it has got him out of £220 month child support and contributing to the mortgage.
all the time hes living rent free with woman he left me for - im struggling to pay bills & buy food.


ive held my tongue throughout all this... i hope im being the bigger person in all this... i just want whats best for my son

Are you married? If so then please go and see a solicitor!! He cannot throw you out of the marital home as the home is the residency of your child. You could apply for maintenance from him and whilst currently you would be awarded a nominal amount (£1 a year is a good one) it leaves the door open for you to get that adjusted later on.

Unfortunately for you, you need to play the long game here. He has moved on and moved out - let him go (I know you have already). 18 years is what he is liable for, and thats what you need to look at. Open a case with the CSA and ask for a redetermination every time he gets a job or gets a promotion.

Get legal advice on the house - you can get a mesher order with regards to the house where you indemnify him for the mortgage payments and he is awarded a percentage of the house when your child leaves full time education (18 years hence). You can barter this against his portion of his pension pot too as you will be looking after your child for the next 18 years and so will not have as much opportunity to build your own career as he has (if you can prove you have supported him with his career so much the better). Speak to your mortgage company explain the situation and see if you can get a payment holiday or if you can add the arrears onto the end term of the mortgage.

Be the bigger person - honestly you will hold your head up high and it feels so much better down the road. Feel free to pm me if you need any more help

fitzilian19

Thanks,

I have spoken to the mortgage company as he wanted to go on to interest only but wouldnt go with me to speak to an advisor. As we are both not working they wont go down that route. They will extend the term up to 40yrs which will reduce the monthly payments. but that requires his signiture and as he hasnt been round in over 7 weeks i doubt that will happen soon, if at all...

I have given myself today to get paperwork etc done, as my mum is around to keep the baby occupied. CSA is going on the list.

We are married, he wants to get divorced asap but so far i've been reluctant as i dont want the baby to miss out of maintainence etc in the money part of the divorce as he isnt earning... if theres a way of deferring that part of the divorce i'd be happy to get it finished.

I think i'm entitled to legal aid now.. so might ring round a few local solicitors and see what they think should be happening now... the woman i started the divorce with was a friend of a friend and a bit of a money-grabber... up for the long fight through the courts, not at all what i want. things are strained enough when he does visit the baby, without fighting in court too!

Kimitatsu

Hiya

How are you this morning? You seem very together I have to say!

You are eligible for legal aid so find a family solicitor, and find one you are comfortable with. The guidelines now are for mediation rather than a long battle through the courts, so the fact that you are prepared to do that already is good.

Great that the mortgage company is happy to extend the term, have you contacted your ex husband to ask him to sign the paperwork? If not when you go and see the solicitor then get them to write to him and ask him to do so, if he continues to refuse then you can bring that up in court and allow the court to rule in your favour. As you were married it makes your life somewhat easier!

With regards to the maintenance, the court will ask you to go through the CSA, in 2011 and beyond this will become CMEC which will have access tp all of the records through HMRC and he will be laible to pay 12% of his gross salary. Hence your little one will not miss out on maintenance. If you want maintenance for yourself then you need to apply for it through the courts and ask for a nominal amount of £1 a year, then later on when he is earning then you can go back and ask for the amount to be varied. That will leave your door open for you.

Even if you start divorce proceedings now it is unlikely to be quick, so take it in your own time and ask all of the questions that you want. The more you can do through mediation the better, as it will keep your court costs down. Any costs that arise over and above the amount that you are allowed under legal aid could be put as a charging order on the house so that when you come to sell it, you will be paying that excess plus interest. Its best to avoid that if you can

As I have said before he cannot throw you out of the house, however if he wishes to buy you out of the house he can do that (you could ask for that instead of maintenance for yourself). If you have a mesher order imposed then you have the right to remain in the house until your little one has finished full time education, and then you can either buy his share of the house or the house will be sold and the proceeds split as per the mesher order.

Good luck and keep asking the questions

fitzilian19

I cant take the mortgage on on my own.. i worked out i'd need to be earning in excess of 38k, with no childcare costs! so him buying me out isnt an option.

at the mo the house is worth pretty much the same as the mortgage, so selling isnt an option either. rent in this area is more than the mortgage - just about.

he wants to just remove his name from the mortgage and wash his hands of it all. i think the mesher order thing you mentioned would be best - would i be able to buy him out eventually? if the asset split was more in my favour and the equity carries on going down, that would be my goal...

maintainence for me seems like an impossibility at the moment. getting him to pay the mortgage and child maintainence is going to be hard enough... but any extra that could possibly come in from him would be a big help with the babyas he starts school etc and things start costing a constant small fortune...!


at the moment he has a small frozen pension from working in an office in london. however his mother thinks he's going to do a pgce next year so will get a good teachers pension... i'd never considered looking at his pension as an asset.
i am thinking of going to uni when the LO is old enough to go to nursery full time a few days a week- i'm looking at social work, which also has a good pension. would he be able to claim a portion of that? not sure how that all works...


he has initially agreed to sign the form to apply for an extended term. when he'll actually come and do that i dont know. he hasnt paid any of the mortgage for a few months and for about 6 months before that paid less than half. i have approached him about selling the car - in his name but i have kept it since split and was bought sept 08 - i'd like to use half the cash from the sale to purchase a more suitable, older car for myself and his half could then be put to his half of the mortgage while he studies this year... kind of a stop-gap to help with a pretty desperate financial situation my end... do you think that is unreasonable?