can't see the wood for the trees

44pinkpink

Firstly I'd like to thank all of you who gave me brilliant advice and support a year ago when i was sorting out my divorce - a very nasty one at that. A deal was finally agreed three weeks ago - after three court sessions and a six hour round-table session.

My ex is a very high-earner - wouldn't think so to hear him whining on to the kids . . . they're seventeen and fifteen. He has a very bad relationship with the eldest ( a girl) - told her last week that he felt there was nothing he could do to improve their relationship..... and a very bad relationship with me - as someone rightly told me on this site, he's a bully (mental one, not physical)...... I feel a million times stronger now that I'm away from him, but I'm not feeling strong when it comes to the money, pensions, savings stuff. i read all this stuff on the website - it makes sense but mainly confuses me.

My solicitor told me to get a financial advisor - do i need to do that, or is it possible to do it myself? I mainly need advice on pensions - will an advisor help me with that, or will the advice from here be better for me?


I work part time and the kids are with me.
I could work more , but at the moment i want to stay as i am as the kids are doing A levels and GCSE's next year. I want to be around for them , and to be unstressed for them. Altho I'm getting maintenance etc my ex is determined to work less just so he can reduce my maintence payments - and so make me work more.

oh there's loads to tell but will stop at this for now.

thankyou in anticipation......i feel much better now i've written this

Spendless

Hi

What bit are you needing advice on? Some IFAs and pension advisors post on the relevant (eg pensions) board but don't always come on here.

I'm guessing that the maintaiance stops once your children leave secondary school education? Due to age of your children and depending on whether or not you could take on more hours in your job in a few years time, if you need some more qualifications for when this day comes I'd suggest going go college now, they frequently have subsidised courses that run in school hours and are shut when school is that you could work around your part-time job.

singlehouseholder

Get yourself a fa, why worry when it sounds like you've had more than enough to worry about. They can have all your paperwork in fornt of them, and even if you did get advise from this board, i'm sure the person giving the "advice" would much prefer you to have your own advisor. I think of this valuable board as an "advice" tool. The opinions of others can help point you in the right direction for sure, but its no substitute for face to face.
Why not do a p/t course at your local college, even if there's nothing "academic" that interests you, there's a wide variety of courses on offer, I found Homeopathy and flower arranging particularly relaxing, you're going to need something to keep you busy esp if you're kids are 17 +15. You cant be shouldering your stress and the stress of your kids, you'll end up in the nut house!!You got to Think of yourself now!!! Good luck.

44pinkpink

Thankyou - where's the best place to find a financial advisor? Do they charge lots?

I'm a physio so could work more, but not at the hospital I'm at - but am determined to manage as long as i can as I am - I'm getting so stressed at the thought of not managing the money side of things, so the thought of interviews etc makes me more stressed. So you're right, a financial advisor is a priority for me, even if it does cost me money.

I will work more after the summer if I can

You mentioned the nut house - i was in one several years ago and am scared of going back there ( i won't cos i know I'm no more loopy than any "normal" person who's been married to a bully for twenty years!) I do realise now that it was my ex and his bullying that put me there. As soon as i get a bit stressed i make it worse by getting more stressed - i panic and do nothing. That's why I'm writing all this to all of you

I'm off to find a financial advisor (once someone tells me where i look!)
thankyou thankyou

CIS

Please post your pension queries on the pension board and someone will take a look for you

hobo28

There are two sorts of financial advisors. Those who charge for their services and those who don't.

Whatever you decide, just bear in mind that they will probably want to flog you products and get commission. Not saying they will be wrong to recommend you products, just something to be aware of.

44pinkpink

thankyou everyone - i'm off to the pensions section now