I'm so sad and unhappy

milliejon

I've just had, what should have been, a lovely weekend. My brother and his girlfriend have been with us since Thursday evening and I haven't seen them for a year. She's pregnant, so my brother is going to be a dad for this first time. They came to visit us because they hadn't yet seen my son who is now 5 months old.

I did all I could before they came to make sure we didn't spend stupidly. I planned our meals and free days out (except for bus fare). However, that didn't happen. We're on a DMP so every penny is accounted for which my brother and sister in law know.

We never eat out (unless you count the odd bag of chips when we're out for a walk!). I can't stand the thought of spending half a weeks' food shopping money on one meal. However, in four days, we've managed to spend twice on eating out.

My brother is so blase (sp) when it comes money. He's living on credit himself, but I just couldn't get through to him how important it was that we didn't spend.

I'm so unhappy because, without him knowing it, he's made me feel like a real scrooge.

My idea was to have free days out - site seeing (viewing the stunning buildings we have popping up all over the city - he's an arcitect's model maker), picnic etc. Then a lovely homemade meal in the evening. This sort of worked, except the bit where we were going to take sarnies or pick up a cheap pastie or whatever. He insisted that we eat in pubs etc, which charge anything from £8 for a plate of pasta!!!!

I tried not to let it spoil my time with him as I hardly see him (and the next time I do he will be a dad), but I just kept thinking about the belt getting tighter towards the end of the month!

I'm sorry to go on, but I just wanted to get this off my chest.

lynzpower

I hate it when those sorts of things happen. Ive had it happen to me and im like :mad: about it.

I dont really know what the answer is,but will a hug from me help? (((milliejon)))

uberzoldat

Hugs and sympathy to you.

I'm sorry the weekend wasn't what you had hoped.

sali_mali

sorry to hear about that, know the feeling myself. always horrible to go out with people who can spend what they like with no guilt! :mad:

never mind, go and visit them next time and make them pay for everything! :rolleyes:

Donedoingdebt

I can understand how you feel, it's easy to get swept along by everyone else when you're in these situations. But, it's done now, try & enjoy the memories of a nice day out with your brother who you rarely see & try to move on without feeling guilty. At the worst, you've only put yourself back by a week or so.

Queenie

(((hugs))) *You* know that you are not a scrooge.

One of the hardest parts about sticking to a budget when others aren't on the same wave length is finding ways to refuse to be drawn in to the spending ... peer pressure.

You sound as though you were so well organised and thought of most contingencies ... except the one on how to refuse

Perhaps some well practised beforehand excuses will safeguard you for the future - even though they are of little help right now.

"Ooh, yes, if you fancy a pub lunch I've heard such-and-such a place is rather nice. We're having a picnic lunch instead though, so, how about we meet up again at xyz at something o'clock?"

On a practical level - are there any of the foodstuffs that you had bought for the visit, that you can freeze for later in the month?

LookingAhead

awww I'm sorry it has put a cloud over it. I hope getting it off your chest helped?

Not sure if this will help but, maybe if you tot up what you spent, perhaps you can challenge yourself as to how you can claw it back (selling some bundles of baby clothes maybe on EBAY, savings at the supermarket you know the kind of thing) and then you will feel like you are actually doing something about it.

Or if the thought of totting it all up depresses you too much, all you can do is clock it up to experience (unforunately life is not all good experiences :sad: ) and then just think about the nice times you had with your brother.

Mrs_Sparkle

I know exactly what you mean- this seems to happen to me whenever I decide to have a frugal month. At least you don't have weekends like this very often so you can get back on track with your budget very soon.

Your brother will see the light one day when the credit gets too much, and then he'll wish he'd listened to you more.

Careful_girl

:eek: As said its all over now, you have a lovely son and the sun will shine tomorrow (sounds like a song.....) and it won't cost a penny. Loads of people don't understand but we all make our choices. You can be proud of yourself for your careful life and all we can do in life is our best. I find I always feel crap after seeing my sister, but I don't have to see her much. Next time you see your brother you might have a lovely time. Money really isn't the way to happiness a home made picnic sounds far nicer than a sweaty smokey pub with someone making money from you when you haven't got any to share. I used to say money is there to be spent not worried about. Now I say I am just very paricular who gets my hard earned cash and I want to enjoy it. We are all here to support you and keep you smiling.
All the best,
CG.
:grouphug: :dance: :spam: (for a picnic tomorrow)

summerday

I can understand how annoyed you must feel. But it really was not your fault, I think you did great to plan it all so well. Just forgive yourself and be glad, in the nicest possible way, that you don't see your bro often so won't be put in this predicament again soon- in fact next time you see him he will probably be telling you how expensive it is to have a baby and please can you make sure whatever you do with him is cheap!

Sarah x

tesuhoha

Never mind, cheer up, it happens to most of us at some time. As long as you are still motivated its not a total disaster. Maybe your brother feels he needs a last fling before the baby comes along and takes all his time and money.