Please Please give me some advice

feel-so-stupid

my situation is this:

I have worked all my life and have now left work due to stress (breakdown)
I am having marriage problems (we are about to separate, not divorce)
No children involved.( all left home)
I am 55 years old. I will not be returning to work due to ill health. ( clinical depression) nervous breakdown.
I have a joint mortgage with my husband, he is refusing to sell the house and I really don't want to sell it, it is all I have.

Over the past 10 years, I have accumulated debts, and have always managed to pay them, then I top up or switch to another bank loan.
I have never missed a payment with credit cards, loans.(until now)
My situation is now that I am moving into rented accommodation. My husband is staying here in our house. (we are not divorcing)

I owe about 30,000 ( 30 thousand pound in all) loans spread out different banks eg
Bank of Scotland (242 per month)
Credit care (morgan stanley)
loan to Abbey national
loan to First Direct
Liverpool Victoria
Yorkshire Building society.
all loans are unsecured. All are in my name.
Total loan repayments comes to approx. 600 per month.

I cannot continue pay these bills. I am not working now and will soon be on benefits. My husband is refusing to support me . I am unable to continue working. I have no savings whatsoever.


Please Please can you give me some advice.
What can I do ? I cannot afford the payments each month.
My husband is worried in case he is liable, to be fair, they are all my debts.
I am terrified of the banks handing the loans over to debt collection agencies.
I am terrified of bailiffs calling or people knocking on my neighbours doors asking where I am.
I intend contacting the banks and giving them my (temp) change of address

what will happen, please give me advice. what is the best way to handle this ? I feel really stupid and irresponsible, the loans just got out of hand, they went on maintaining the house..helping my grown up children.etc
Please advise me
please

spaghetti_monster

Hi there,
I'm sorry to read about your situation - but don't worry you've come to the right place - you will soon get loads of great advice from everyone here on how you can sort things out.

One thing (I'm sure someone else will know better than me) - but as you are married is your husband not obliged to help you out? If your debts come from house maintenance and helping your children why can he not help out with this?

hang in there x

isgman

Hi, Welcome to DFW, sorry to learn about you plight, I would go and talk with the CAB, they will help you to get your head around the "problems" and try and help you sort things out. Good Luck

Little_Miss_Winner

Hi,

Am sending you loads of hugs, you need to seek further advice from citizen advice about your rights etc. Make an appointment and go see them.
If you are not working at present, make sure you get which benefits you are entitled to. Check out https://www.entitledto.co.uk
Also I agree with alex w (above)

You stated in your original post that;-

My husband is worried in case he is liable, to be fair, they are all my debts.

But then you say;-

the loans just got out of hand, they went on maintaining the house..helping my grown up children.etc

How can he not be held responsible if you were getting loans to make ends meet and running the home etc, surely he was living there too?

I know it probably feels like the end of the world atm, but it will get better.

lots of hugs.
pot

Emmzi

FSS,

a big hug. Seperation is tough enough without money worries.

Now.. what kind of a man makes his depressed wife move out of the home, knowing she can't support herself?

If you divorced, you would be entitled to a share of the equity in the house. It doesn't matter if he wants to sell it or not.

CAB, then solicitor.

And don't be too proud to ask your kids for help.

Hope you get this sorted. Let us know.

calleyw

You have a lot of issues going on at the moment. So at the moment your head is swimming.

You husband seems not to be seeing the big picture at the moment. That you are suffering with a mental illnesses. There is nothing wrong with that or anything to be ashamed off.

I know we don't know the whole story and there could be more issues here then we know. But it does seem to be very one sided and your husband seems to be a selfish man.

You racked up these debts with day to day living costs these should have been met by both of you not you alone with loans.

You say you have children that have left home. I think you need to talk to them. Is there any chance you stay with for a short period so that you get your head together.

As has been said if you divorce the house will have to be sold. Did you take out any insurances with each loan. If you did look at the terms and conditions and see if they will pay out. Don't hold your breath but it is worth a try.

I agree about getting to the CAB. And looking at the entitled to web site to see what you claim.


I wish you all the best. Please take care.


Yours


Calley

Broken_hearted

I think you are being a bit hard on the husband even the OP says she doesn't want to sell the house.

lynzpower

OP

I wonder why you say you dont want to sell the house, if you are not going to be living in it? There could be adequate equity in the house to pay off what you owe. Im sorry for your situation. sounds awful. But Calley is right, your husband will have to ensure you are financially compensated from the seperation. UNless he has enough savings to buy you out, I suspect that the house will have to be sold.

I take it you are still living there at the moment? Do you intend to move out? Or what is the plan for doing so

Welcome to DFW, I hope that you being here will help your situation, yo are among freinds

Lynz

CLAPTON

i'm sorry to hear of your problems.

unless there are other compelling reasons you should not move out of your house but continue living there until all the financial and family matters are resolved.

it is, after all your home as well as his. also how do you plan to pay the rent on the rented property...if you have no income and your husband is not willing to support you?

you need to consult a lawyer about your rights both in terms of the house and your rights of support from your husband...it may help him to see the situation more clearly too.

investigate what benefits you are entitled to asap.

calleyw

Broken_hearted wrote:

I think you are being a bit hard on the husband even the OP says she doesn't want to sell the house.

I am slightly confused. Are you referring to me. As you have not included a quote so it makes it heard to know.

I don't think I am being hard on the husband as I said there could be other issueds at play here. And it seems from what feel-so-stupid has said he seems selfish to let his wife of I don't know how many years leave the family home where he knows she mental health issues. I never said he was as I don't personally know him.

feel-so-stupid says they don't want to sell the house. Fine but ifthey get divorced (which I hope they dont if that is what she wants)then probably the house will have to be sold. Unless her ex can raise the capital to buy her out.

One of feel-so-stupid options has been taken away from her. And that is bankrupty as she owns half a property. Which means a charge can be made against it.

I do hope that her and her husband are able to sort things out and not another marriage ending in divorce. If that is what both of them want.

Maybe as well as CAB why not have a chat with http://www.cccs.co.uk/ or http://www.payplan.com/.

I wish you all the best no matter what happens.

Please take care.


yours


Calley

wendym

My best friend went through something very similar, and in hindsight now says that the wisest thing she did was to consult a divorce lawyer immediately, although she did it reluctantly to stop her friends nagging.

(Edited to say she went just to clarify her position, not to opt for divorce immediately)

They too were 'just going to separate', but not sell the house.

When she did sue for divorce, he had to buy out her half of the house, and although her children were by then at university, the judge took a very dim view of his attitude to 'his' and 'her' financial obligations.

You need as much help as you can get. Is your doctor aware of your health problems? Is there a friend to go with you to CAB?

Do approach your children, but don't take it to heart if they're not as supportive as you would hope. My friend's children just didn't know how to help, and weren't always as kind as they might have been.

I know it can't possibly feel relevant to you today, but my friend is now
calm, happy, financially OK, and has just visited her first grandchild.

It will all be alright. You just need some help now.

Sending you a cyber-hug and will be thinking of you.