Mum very much in debt

LJD1_2

Hiya
Not sure how anyone can help on this one but just want to see if there is anything I can do to help my mum. She's in her 70s and over £40,000 in debt on credit cards and loans (that's just the paperwork that I accidently saw). She lives with my dad, in his 80s, in a house worth easily £300,000, no mortgage and have lots of investments. My dad knows nothing about it and has always paid his credit card in full each month. He is loaded but they keep their money separate. She will not tell him and has begged me to say nothing.

I don't know where the money has gone. I think my dad always kept her a bit short as we were growing up so she's gone from paying one credit card with another and it's just built up and up and up. I won't let her buy anything for my children when I'm with her though she still buys them comics and sweets when she has them for tea once a week.

Is there anything I can do when she seems to be putting her head in the sand? I'm very worried about her and can't believe this isn't affecting her. Many thanks xx

Kevicho

Cant you just tell your dad?

I mean im sure he'd not want to see his wife in this mess, also it wouldnt mean leaving the kids with the mess either

Even though you have to respect her privacy, her pride and fear is over riding her common sense

LJD1_2

Mmm that's what i'm thinking. He found a credit card card bill of hers for about £4000 a few years ago and paid it off. He's never let her forget it as they don't get on at all but at least it was paid. Maybe that's the way i'll have to go.

LJD1_2

Out of interest....will her debts become my debts when the inevitable happens, or will they come out of her estate or are they written off?

lynzpower

i think they come out of her estate.

At her time of life, this must be causing a lot of stress. you might want to give age concern a quick ring to see what advice they can offer.

LJD1_2

Thanks for that suggestion i'm going to give them a ring now.

wannabedebtfreebeth

If she has insurance on the cards then I think it will pay them off on her death - but will mean she is paying loads now. If you accidentally saw the paperwork can you maybe arrange for your Dad to see it accidentally also??

Broken_hearted

Is the house jointly owned or just in your dads name.

david_hellier

If the house is paid off it would be prudent to transfer it to your dad, assuming there are no secured loans on it. Alternatively why don't you buy the house for a peppercorn? Once your mum has no assets, then she is in a more powerful position and everything will become magically clear.

mountainofdebt

as much as it may seem like a good idea, if he hasn't let her forget a £4k bill then what would be his reaction to knowing she owed £40K??????

There was a thread on this board sometime back with exactly same circumstances as yours ....daughter found statements, mum in panic but father didn't know the score. It was quite a long thread and I'm sure that if you can find it (or someone can post a link to it) then that may give you some tips on how to help your mum.

Could you and your mum not totally work out what she owes, to whom and what the aprs are , together with all her outgoings and incomings and perhaps we can help her that way.

But as I say my opinion is not for you to tell your dad nor arrange for him to find out accidently as there is always the law of unexpected consequences to consider.

LJD1_2

I really appreciate all your answers. I'm trying to find that post you've referred too. I've tried to sit down and talk to my mum about what she owes. My sister has told me tonight that she thinks it's nearer to £70,000. What shocks me and angers me more than anything is, what is anyone doing giving a 72 year old woman, who isn't working, this kind of credit. I'm sorry if this offends anyone but as she has no way of paying it off I don't think she should have been given it in the first place. Right rant over.

I don't know what to do regarding letting my dad know. I know he'd make her life a total misery but then I wonder how happy she is right now with this hanging over her.

Age concern couldn't help but have told me to ring citizens advice but as they say, she needs to want to sort it out before anyone can help her.

Thanks again for the advice.