Is it me?

savingsgirl

had to edit - sorry

elona

If he was only going out every six weeks or so and you had time as a family together and also some time as a couple then I do not think that you would be complaining.

There is more to being a father and a husband than working all hours especially if he knows how you feel about this.

You must be exhausted trying to be both parents with no appreciation.

pink_phantom

My partner goes out everyweekend to his friends and to be honest I did resent it. But then he resented me for resenting it. His friends were most likely there before you but that does not mean that he should neglect you for them. Did you see him in the evenings much because my partner and I try to spend the weekday evenings together. Men are much more influenced by their peers and if they get the old "your under the thumb" from their mates the they don't like it and try to prove them wrong.

Also, are his friends single or taken?

You could do with some me time too. Does he ever have the kids for you to do this?

Alot of men think do not think that staying at home looking after the kids as work, when in actual fact they would rather be at work than do it themselves because working is easier than looking after kids.

You need to set clear boundaries and stick to them. The more you go on about it, the more likely he is to go against you because men a very primal and they do not like feeling hemmed in and usurped.

NOTE: Some men, not all. There are lots of nice ones too.

Mrs_Optimist

Are the 3 children his? Is there an age difference between you? How long have you been together? Are your married? It sounds like he has taken on a ready made family before he is ready (although I may have got the wrong end of the stick). I wouldn't put up with it personally, unless you have quality time as a couple and as a family as well. I suspect that he may be going out to get away from the arguing, and this is backfiring on him. I agree with the previous posts, that being at home with 3 children all day every day is more than a full time job in itself. At least he can clock off at the end of the day - you cant. Maybe a calm sit down discussion away from the kids and home (Perhaps you could arrange a babysitter to accommodate this) between the 2 of you may resolve this issue.

THE_LONE_RANGER_4

what problem lies here is this thing going out with his friends to where? what type of pub? i remember when i got married some one told me listen you dont go out with your mates on the town and you object if your wife does to ,theres only one reason you go on the town its on the pull if you arnt some one else will be so beware , go out as a couple join clubs as a couple ,do things as a couple,your friends should be refered to as our friends , and be happy with what you have got the grass isnt always greener , i listned he was right 16 years later 5 friends have divorced due to this nights out with my mates and i want my time rubbish ,also tell him theres more to being a father ,husband, than dishing the dosh

Kazonline

I think if more people took on your attitude lone ranger there would be a much lower divorce rate, and a lot more happy couples. As independant as I am I firmly believe that if you enter into a relationship it should be to enjoy being a couple.
Savings girl. I really hope he comes to his senses and that the two of you can work something out. It's amazing how lonely you can be even when your house is full, and someone else going out and having a whale of a time can make it all the harder to cope. A relationship needs and desserves to have time and effort spent on it. Lol, my ex once said to me that he'd realised (long after it was too late) that he should've treated the relationship a bit like his car - he would never have expected it to keep working if he'd neglected it as much as he'd neglected me!!!
Make sure you get plenty of rest in the meantime, it'll help you think a lot clearer.
Kaz x

toonfan

what is it about us blokes that being with our mates is seem as sacrosant, a right, something that we deserve... I must admit the company of me mates is important to me but as a diversion -a bit of release now and again to help me get that work/partner/family/independence balance thing right. Mind you, being in my late forties the attraction of going on a bender is nil... once every six weeks isnt much. but if he chooses that above all else, especially when you dont have other opportunities, its destined to always come between you.
key point for me is that his weekends are in his mind, top priority - the fact he doesnt come back when he says is evidence of that (its also by any yardstick bang out of order). Until he comes to the understanding that partner and family are no1, IMHO those weekends or something similar will not go away, especially if he is still in his twenties/early thirties

pink_phantom

THE_LONE_RANGER wrote:

what problem lies here is this thing going out with his friends to where? what type of pub? i remember when i got married some one told me listen you dont go out with your mates on the town and you object if your wife does to ,theres only one reason you go on the town its on the pull if you arnt some one else will be so beware , go out as a couple join clubs as a couple ,do things as a couple,your friends should be refered to as our friends , and be happy with what you have got the grass isnt always greener , i listned he was right 16 years later 5 friends have divorced due to this nights out with my mates and i want my time rubbish ,also tell him theres more to being a father ,husband, than dishing the dosh

Amicable, if only all men had this view of marriage divorces would be non existant. My dad has your views and my parents have been married 30 years. I must admit though, I do enjoy the peace and quiet that him being out brings every now and then. I can watch girlie movies all night and be totally selfish with the tv and not a football or gory horror movie in sight.:T