Question:- What do you do when you have childrens friends to tea?

thriftlady_2

Outdoorlass wrote: »

Hi all

Wanted to pick your brains really.

My DD often has someone around for tea from school, its usually thrust on me last minute as she often asks me infront of said child and said childs parent, leaving me little leeway to say no

Why can't you just say 'no not tonight it is too short notice? Or say what I say 'not tonight I don't want guests today I'm tired.

Visiting children eat what we eat but we don't have visiting children often because the last thing I want after school are more kids in my house. I say no a lot to my children;) I find a lunchtime arrangement in the hols is better.

You may not be as mean and grouchy as me though:D

mumoftwo

Outdoorlass wrote: »

Thanks all for the replies so far.

I agree 100% its much easier for me if these playdates are pre-planned and I have tried so many times to achieve this. My DD knows shes not meant to put me on the spot, yet sometimes this still happens, I think kids just don 't think like we do. Plus it doesn't help that the other parents seem to accept the on the spot arrangemnets and go along with what their children ask, it seems to be the norm:rolleyes: Also a lot of children have activities/hobbies after school, so what is a good day for me may not be for them, so I think this is why, the "on the spot arrangemnets" get made, they are free, we are free, thats how it seems to go.

I will definately have another chat with DD and try and explain the situation from my POV. I will also try out the suggestions made here, I always ask if a child has an allergy or dislike, so perhaps I should just say we are having roast chicken dinner, is that ok? See how that works, so many children now eat the processed stuff, that I just feel reluctant to give them HM food incase its really alien to them and they really don't like it, I would feel bad sending home a hungry child

Thanks

Yes, with busy lives it is often a case of: we are free tonight, that is ok, but why then should you change your plans, run to the supermarket, spend money you hadn't budgeted for and buy stuff you don't normally buy? Yes, your friend can come to play and stay for tea but this is what we are having.
And in my experience what we are having tastes nice and they eat it anyway.

I don't like a child to feel awkward or go hungry but it is only until they get home, they can eat something there then. I always asked my DD when she came back from someones house: What did you have for tea? And she would say if she was hungry or not, If you see them struggle at the table, just a wee encouragement to try something new and if not, don't make a fuss, just leave it, you don't want them to put your own kids off.

yummyhoney

i would give them the roast and maybe make some hob nobs or queen cakes,,and they could help with the baking also!!!

Penelope_Penguin

Mine are teenagers now, and I miss small children round for tea I would offer them the roast dinner, and if they don;t like that, they can have toast and fruit they won't starve.

Do you not get return offers Maybe you need to prime DD to quietly ask her frineds if she can go and play with their toys for a change :rotfl:

Penny. x

suzywoozy_3

DS is a fussy and allergic eater, he often goes to a friends where he doesn't like their dinner (often veggies stew etc. and he is one of those children who like dry individual foods). if he doesn't like it he'll either just eat the carb bit eg a plate of rice or they'll just give him a peanut butter/tartex sandwich. I do the same here, just offer componant parts of the meal to fussy eaters and a slice of toast or something if they really don't like it.

As for agreeing on the spot, I often say no, i prefer to plan what we are doing. I don't think people are offended if you say "not tonight it's not convenient, but why don't we arrange it for next week"

Outdoorlass

Penelope_Penguin wrote: »

Do you not get return offers Maybe you need to prime DD to quietly ask her frineds if she can go and play with their toys for a change :rotfl:

Penny. x

:rotfl:Yes, we get plenty of return offers, trouble is have only one car on the road atm and OH uses it for work and most of her friends live at least 10 miles away, so I feel bad expecting parent to drop her off here after they have been kind enough to entertrain her and feed her. So its easier for me to have them here and then the parents can collect, without me feeling guilty.

misscousinitt

I haven't got kids so can't speak from direct experience here.

However, I remember when I stopped round friends for tea when I was still at school (be it a long time ago!). My friends mum's had the best idea - if they had enough to go round then I had what they were having - if not, then I had something like omlette and salad or beans on toast - basically something they had in the cupboards and not something they had specially bought for my benefit...

I always ate what I was given...

valk_scot

hot.chick wrote: »

i think I'd be inclined to say in front on child and parent - we're having so and so for tea - will you eat that?

If they say no - then say maybe another time.

That's exactly what I do. Then the mother will say yes or no and that's the decision made. And once we get to the actual meal if the child really won't eat any of it then I offer them bread and butter and something like cheese or ham if I have it in the fridge, and fruit. TBH though if a child won't eat anything I don't fret too much but make a point of telling the collecting parent so she can see I've at least tried and taken notice. Have to say though if I do make an arrangement in advance I do try to check with the mum if there's any great hates I should avoid, or if they're vegetarian or whatever.

On the flip side, my kids are pretty omniverous and will have a go at most things but I've told them if they're out and really don't like any of the food then just ask politely for said bread and butter and not start going "Yeah!" if the mother offers to make special treat food for them.

In practice though I find 90% of visiting kids will suddenly decide to eat at least one thing on their plate when they realise the only alternative is pretty boring bread. And my kids come home raving about all sorts of things they've been given, so the pragmatic approach usually works. I have had a couple of really spectacular disasters though with visiting kids and food, not least of which was DD's fussy friend that came round, I made an exception and cooked her the foods her mum said she would eat, FF refused to touch them so after a (good long!) while my kids ate her share. Then she had a meltdown and told her mum that my kids had stolen her dinner.........:eek:

Alikay

I'd always ask the mums what sort of things will he/she eat. A couple of my childrens' friends were brilliant and would eat regular meals but unfortunately the majority had to be fed "orange dinners" (chips, nuggets, fish fingers, beans etc).

Didn't bother me too much, as going to each other's houses for tea is really important socially for a child and so making a big fuss about so-and-so's dietary limitations wasn't helpful IMO. I do remember one child though, who was so fussy that I had to get in a particular brand of sausages, spaghetti shapes, variety of yoghurt etc and even then he left it!:eek:

SunnyGirl

We also don't have the friends for tea today thing very much now as mine are older & the youngest one has never been into it all that much. My DD used to be the worst to drop tea on me at the school gates and I sometimes said yes and sometimes said that it wasn't convenient. I generally fed visiting children whatever I was planning on feeding us anyway and 9 times out of 10 they'd eat it. I didn't offer alternatives as such just let the visitors leave what they didn't like.

My own children ate all sorts at other peoples houses that they wouldn't eat here cold lamb sandwiches, cabbage, liver, sauerkraut and fish pie are a few that I vividly remember as they wouldn't be touched at home - mind you I wouldn't eat all of that anyway :rotfl: Each to their own I guess.