CSA useless, claim they can't find father?

shell_542

Sad thing is Tek Monkey, we don't live in an ideal world and all you can do is your best for the child and try to limit the effect his father's attitude and behaviour has on him.

DUTR

tek-monkey wrote: »

So just to clarify, you also don't give the other parent a number to contact you should something happen, you also won't agree a time to return the child but do so when you feel like it? You think that is fair?

As I said above though, yes I agree you can't make someone be a good parent. So may as well get some money out of them to actually help fund the childs life.

I just can't understand someone not willing to help their own child, it seems inherently wrong to me. In an ideal world people would realise having a child is a much bigger commitment than anything else in this world. A marriage can be annulled, a house can be sold. Your kid is your kid for life, do you really want them to grow up resenting you?

You make some odd assumptions, the Mum has my number and always has done, she just does not need to bother us during our quality time, if the mum wants to know if the child has had a good time, then she can wait until we return. Of course a return time is agreed and adhered to (not sure why you assume otherwise) .
I agree with you that you cannot make somebody a good parent, a good parent is not always the mother and does not always make the right descisions in the best interest of the child.
Where is someone not helping their child? (perhaps a quick brushup on one of the 10 commandments may remind you).
Just because you resent your dad does not mean every child resents their absent parents

bluereef

i got intouch with the csa as my £1.25p a month stopped,the lady i spoke to said it sounds like hes came off benefit and working so they checked through the ILR and fount him,it took 2 weeks so just get your gf to call back.

its also true,you cant force your gfs ex to spend time with his son,i went through the very same with my daughter,all the last minute change of plans and the heartbreak and me having to make up excuses all the time for her dad,best advise i can give is just be there for the child and he will soon learn for himself what a let down his dad is and not bother.

tek-monkey

bluereef wrote: »

i got intouch with the csa as my £1.25p a month stopped,the lady i spoke to said it sounds like hes came off benefit and working so they checked through the ILR and fount him,it took 2 weeks so just get your gf to call back.

its also true,you cant force your gfs ex to spend time with his son,i went through the very same with my daughter,all the last minute change of plans and the heartbreak and me having to make up excuses all the time for her dad,best advise i can give is just be there for the child and he will soon learn for himself what a let down his dad is and not bother.

Her ex is self employed, although has worked for the same people as a carpet fitter for years. AFAIK he's not been on benefits, but his partner doesn't work so I guess she is.

As for not bothering with his dad, was hoping that would be something he didn't have to go through. As I said before, thats exactly what happened to me. Too many sunday afternoons waiting by the window for him to show up, only to find out he had better things to do. Then like you trying to make excuses, and pretend his dad aint such a tool as you know he is. Isn't nice, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

bluereef

even if hes self employed he would have to go through the ILR for tax purposes,i had to make excuses for my ex as its better for my child to learn for herself what her DNA (dad not around) is like,because if you tell them then they only hate you..my daughter as seen what her dad is like and dont bother with him.

DUTR

tek-monkey wrote: »

Her ex is self employed, although has worked for the same people as a carpet fitter for years. AFAIK he's not been on benefits, but his partner doesn't work so I guess she is.

As for not bothering with his dad, was hoping that would be something he didn't have to go through. As I said before, thats exactly what happened to me. Too many sunday afternoons waiting by the window for him to show up, only to find out he had better things to do. Then like you trying to make excuses, and pretend his dad aint such a tool as you know he is. Isn't nice, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

What is in all this for you?

kelloggs36

bluereef wrote: »

even if hes self employed he would have to go through the ILR for tax purposes,i had to make excuses for my ex as its better for my child to learn for herself what her DNA (dad not around) is like,because if you tell them then they only hate you..my daughter as seen what her dad is like and dont bother with him.

Not always - there is a black market which is alive and kicking unfortunately! It is also easy to manipulate figures being self employed - much more so that if you are PAYE.

MrsTinks

Stop forcing the issue of contact... My DH grew up just fine despite a total waste of space for a father who left him and his sister and mum to it after my DHs younger brother died from leukaemia - never paid a penny for his kids and DH later told him that if he ever cmae near any of them again it would be the last thing he did (DH was young and very angry) - If anything hubby grew up to be a better father for it - he's so determined to be everything HIS father wasn't...
At the end of the day he may be the childs father biologically but YOU could be his dad It takes more than a few chromosomes to be a dad and you seem to care for the child so be a dad for him in place of the waste of space that is his father...
Tell your GF to continue to pursue the CSA - one day they'll catch up with him Won't it be sweet revenge when he gets a bill for THOUSANDS

I guess if the agreement originally was through a solicitor and not CSA you might be able to go through solicitors to see if your GF could go through something like small claims court? That way if it finds in her favour she COULD actually get bailiffs involved...

tek-monkey

TBH, I'm not even sure contact with his dad is what the kid needs. I just know that what he doesn't need is continuous broken promises leaving him upset. Maybe his dad should just grow a pair and amit he doesn't give a damn, but when he's too spineless to even call to say he won't be seeing his son, I can't see that happening.

I suppose I grew up fine without my own dad, and that was down to a great step dad. If I could be half the man he is I'd be happy. I'd still rather the kid didn't have to go through what I did though, it was probably 2 years before it finally clicked that just because dad said he'd see me didn't mean anything.

I have also been pondering the fact that he isn't registered at the address he lives at, and am almost positive she is on benefits (certainly doesn't work). Am I right in thinking if he was resident she'd get her benefits cut, so he's better off saying he lives elsewhere? More to the point, do you even have to be registered anywhere? Surely you could use your parents address for post and drop by once a week, the CSA would never work it out (going by current performance). Seems a very easy way to get around them? His car is in her name after all, maybe he doesn't officially live anywhere?

blimey40

Whether she works or not, is irrevelant. The CSA will try and get partners details, legally they are not entitled to it.

On the other hand, if you have suspicions he lives there, the CSA can make a visit to the said address to determine if he is there or not. Don't do it immediately as he may be onto it, but if its done when least expected it will probably catch him out.

THE CSS do go to local councils for checks and they have a legal requiremtn to respond, it very rarely shows that a person lives there as they will not register themselves at the address.