Widow - possibly moving on? Long Post Soz

Any

I think - defo go for the relationship.

However as for talk about moving together goes... What does "recently" mean??? I wouldn't rush into things if "recently" is, say, under 12 mths... maybe 6 if you spend loaaaads of time together.

No reason to make rush decisions, if he is the one he will be still there in few months time..

SandC

I'm with bitterandtwisted - you say recently met - how recent?

I think you need to give it a year or two before cohabiting and marriage. What is the rush? It's rushing in that causes half the splits we do have these days cos they throw themselves into commitment whether financial or marital when it's the honeymoon early days.

Needajob

Hi,

Thanks for all the replys - lots of food for thought. Recently? 15th months. It could take a while to find somewhere thats 'ours', no rush at all. He does not want to move in with me, for lots of reasons - all valid, but the main one is that this was mine and hubby's house; I have been here 12 years. I feel the same, after 7 years living here just with the kids, I need to move on as well, the house has lots of memories - all good, apart from the obvious, but possibly time to make some new memories?

My eldest will be at Uni this time next year and is 100% behind us. My youngest has only 1 stipulation, that school and friends are still local - not a problem.

His kids are with his ex and more than happy with the situation. His ex is lovely, no bitternes anywhere, they just grew apart.

My problems are mainly if it goes wrong; he has no legal obligation to me or my kids and I will def loose my benefits (quite rightly) once we start to live together. We are both financially equal at the moment and the house together would be purchased jointly. We have talked about marraige but I see that as in a couple of years, I would rather live together first.

I love him and I know he loves me, but its always a risk I guess? I think I am gonna just slow things down a bit - take it more one step at a time. Things are so complicated. I cherish my independance and know that I can cope on my own, I can provide for my kids and maintain a decent standard of living. But since I have been in this relationship, I have been soooo happy and feel we are right together BUT dating is soooo different than living together. A big step, none of us are getting any younger, both late 40's.

Once again, thanks for all the advice.

Sheila

Errata

I love him and I know he loves me, but its always a risk I guess?

Of course it's always a risk, but if you do a thorough and pragmatic risk assessment - the benefits and disadvantages - things may become clearer.
For instance: "they grew apart" Does this mean there was no negotiation, no give or take on one side or the other, or both sides ?
15 months isn't very long, and time is on your side.