Could my debts effect my relationship

biglad

Ok so i know this isnt the normal sort of topic but just wondered if anyone had any experience of my problem

The thing is ive got quite a lot of debt, and due to one thing or another my credit rating has gone from excellent to non existent in the space of bout 7 months. Ive told my girlfriend all of my debts and she is really understanding, she says it doesnt bother her and shes just glad im sorting myself out, (getting a DMP set up at the moment). The thing is weve moved into my parents to try and save money for our own place. We are looking at a part buy part rent so we can get a lower mortgage which will more than likely be just her wages as im self employed. I have just took on a part time position to boost things up a little bit.

im a little worried if i get my name on the mortgage my creditors could start taking things from it or wouldnt they if im in a DMP set up

I understand some people will say dont get a mortgage and stay with parents, but the thing is i have a severely autistic brother and i do a lot for him as it is, and i want to have my own place so he can come and stay to give my mom a little break every week. We know we cant get a full mortgage and the part buy part rent schemes are best for us. She is on a decent wage

Im not getting a loan in her name to sort me out which i could do as its my mess and i want to sort it out, just want to know what will happen if i got a mortgage.

ok the main the question is could all my problems ruin my relationship, i dont think they will but just wondered if anyone has had any bad experiences, she is brilliant with me to be fair, dont know why im questioning it but still, thats my little rant over

Thanks in advance

Dead_Eye_Jones

just my opinions, so take it for what its worth - (not even 2 cents tbh )

Be open and honest at all times and then allow ya gf to decide whether she wants to be with you. If she does, and it sounds like this is true, then be thankful and be confident in your relationship. The key to any relationship is communication, be straight with her and ask that she is with you - if you both know what you are letting yourself in for then you'll be ok.

It goes without saying you will need to keep a grip on your finances and realise you are part of a couple now, you have a responsibility to get back on track - sort it out!

As to getting your own place - well, you might not like this but you may want your own place but the reality is - you cant afford it! There are many things we all want in life but cant have - not understanding and accepting this is the reason many get into debt in the first place imo. Get saving, concetrate on your career, build a strong relationship with your gf, your family, and your brother. All these things will keep your mind off spending and time will fly by. Before you know it you'll be in a position to get ya own place - just be patient.

There is nothing more rewarding than eventually reaching the end of a long journey and being proud of how you got there.

themaccas

Hi biglad, I would have to agree with dead-eye, you can't afford your own place at the moment and with a DMP you will not be able to get a mortgage. Therefore you are putting a lot of this on your girlfriend and it will be she who has this vast debt of a mortgage. I am sure you both want this and NOW but it would be far more rewarding to wait and get your own place when you are able to afford a joint venture and share the cost. It will be so worth it.

lynzpower

Hi there biglad.

Only you will know if it will affect your relationship. Debt usually affects relationships, although me having debt has made my relationship better if anything, as the amount of support OH has shown has made the relationship what it is IYSWIM.

Secondly, Im in part buy part rent, and cant wait to get out of it. Its a rip off. However, each to thier own. Have a look through the property section for fairly regular discussions on the pros & cons.

Thirdly, do you recieve any carers allowances or anything in respect of the care that you give to your brother? Check out https://www.entitledto.co.uk or your local carers network etc, to see what if anything you can get. Gotta be worth a stab?

lulgirl

You can get a mortgage with a DMP in place. We just have, go to https://www.charcol.co.uk - they were recommended by the CCCS.

biglad

thanks for all your replies

One thing i dont think i made clear is were not looking to get a place right now, we are saving up for between 6 and 12 months to help us. were both saving some each month but with the nature of my job i can have some months that are much better than others so that is where i will put extra money aside.

I know all the debt will be on her but that is not an issue with her, i realised after what i put on here and a few responses that my relationship is very strong, and lynz im the same as you in that my relationship seems to have got stronger.

As for the carers allowance my mom gets this already and as my brother is severly autistic she cant really go to work as its very demanding which is why i try and do as much as i can, and another reason im staying self employed so i can still be available if my brother needs me.

I want to get into a shared ownership place as it will be better for us but will look at the pros and cons. its really our only option as ive not long been self employed and the part time job ive just took is not a great income but better than nothing. Between us we are paying around £500 including food and all bills living with parents and council tax etc so would rather be spending this on our own place and i see renting as throwing money away, yes i know your part renting but the place we looked at was £292 mortgage and £120 rent

will check out the property section though

Emmzi

If I were your g/f (which obv. I'm not!) I'd want anywhere I bought to be in my name only - removes the nagging doubt about 'what if he stuffs up'.

For you to be happy with that, you'd need to feel you weren't giving her more than half bills/living and a reasonable rent - does that sound about right?

biglad

yea i get what you mean, it will all be half each with bills, mortgage, rent etc.
ive got myself into a stupid mess so its upto me to get out of it, and dont want any nagging bout if i stuff up lol. she is actually controlling my money now as it was my wreckless spending which got me into debt, isnt it for all of us lol

gingercordial

If you love each other, and are honest with each other, then it should all be fine. Work through things together and it will make you stronger.

homersimpson_3

Could my debts effect my relationship

Could they- yes. Will they- only you really know the answer.
only you and your girlfriend can stop debts splitting you up. lots of people have raised similar questions on the forum and it may be worth reading some of these.
debt can be bring a couple very close as they work and support each other to sort the mess out. debt is like any issue in any relationship it depends on honesty, communication & commitment.
If you're intending to get married split of house likely to be dealt with under divorce/seperation laws; if not will be dealt with under property law. will you become joint tenants or tenants in common?. if not you will have no rights as such in house unless you made contribution - paid for repairs, paid her share of bills so she could pay mortgage. alot of couples think they won't break up but do and as you have asked the question you have to ensure your interests are protected. if you split where would you live? can you afford to rent flat or buy one etc on own?
if your girlfriend asked question my advice would be totally different.

biglad

well ive have been very honest about it and i am sorting things out, i completely understand about the house and stuff. I have been through a lot in my life and not had the easiest of times and i know im 22 and there are people worse than me but it aint been easy, i know things are right with my gf and it is already bringing us closer together in a way which is not a bad thing.

why would your answer be different if it was my girlfriend asking?? not all us men are the same, a minority of us are nice and caring lol