Dress code advice from any forces wives/partners please

Trying_to_be_good

We now have a dress code for the bonfire and fireworks - Casual + Wellington Boots! I'd never have thought of that without their help, and would have gone smart .

13Kent

You often see people not adhering to the dress code (often ladies on the arms of high ranking officers!!) - but it is generally frowned upon.

Dressing up is all part of the occasion - it's nice to have the opportunity to wear a posh dress sometimes.

moonrakerz

dizzygillespie wrote: »

Is everyone in full ball gown mode and how the heck do I get around the fact that my top half is 2 dress sizes bigger than my bottom half and I look rididulous in any sort of dress, never mind a full length posh frock

It doesn't have to be "a posh frock". The simple answer to your problem is a "frilly" blouse and a plain long skirt !

My wife often did that, much cheaper than a gown - try the charity shops, that's where she goes now for formal cruise wear.

Sparky29

Make sure you follow the dress code. If it is Army it generally is a long dress to the ankle (depends on the RSM though and how he intereprets the rules(or really what his wife wants!!))

Which mess is it for?

I have been to about 15 Xmas functions in several Sgts messes and you never see the ladies wearing the same dress twice. If you get a second hand dress it won't have been worn that many times and you put it back on ebay and get your money back. Big outlay to begin with but it shouldn't cost much in the long run. I wouldn't go in a trouser suit or blouse and skirt as suggested as you will feel seriously under dressed.

My wife was ALWAYS nervous about these functions but after a couple of "shandies" she loved it.

buzzandcindy

Try your local charity shops for ballgowns/evening dresses. Some of them are very good quality/make. They may have plenty on display with xmas coming up, but it's always worth asking if they have any more in the back. Hope you have a great night :beer:

Bigun28

There is nothing that causes more angst amongst military wives and partners than trying to negotiate your way through the very sensitive dress code ‘minefield’ as to what is and is not acceptable for ladies to wear at a military function in a Sgts’ or an Officers’ Mess. In my time, I have seen everything from a full length, full bodied and hooped ball gown (that wouldn’t have gone amiss on top of a toilet roll) to the range of various Top Shop strapless ‘wide belt’ special glittery tops that 'ladies' have attempted to wear as a dress (and failed miserably), and just about everything in between.

Then you start getting into the intricacies of design and what is acceptable – the long dress that meets the dress length code, but has a full length split up to the hip that reveals all when they sit down. Or the long dress with a low slashed front that looks great, but reveals the all over tan every time they lean forward. Then you have the issues of is the back too low, or the sides too revealing? Is it too see-thru? Does it need to have a fish tail or is mid-calf acceptable? Is it too frilly, too plain, too bold, wrong colour ………..?? Hair up, hair down ………….?? Don't even mention shoes, what underwear, jewellery or if you need a handbag or purse or not!!!! (And guy's are meant to understand all of this???)

Gentlemen will tend to always stand back from trying to make any decision on acceptability, and you will always find that there will be a few ladies at every function who will try to push the boundaries that little bit and perhaps get away with it, much to the annoyance of the other ladies attending who will always complain bitterly to anyone in charge listening. That said, I have been to balls and functions where ladies have been turned away at the door for being dressed inappropriately. Likewise, I have seen occasions where the husband has failed to tell his OH the dress code because it would have meant buying a new dress (resulting in a night on the sofa for some!!).

The normal policy is that the Xmas Draw (normally a black tie affair) will be more formal than the Summer Ball (Mess kit affair). But in either case, the norm is that ladies should be dressed in long gowns (ballerina length at least). It could be a dedicated ball gown, but more often you will also see long evening gowns being worn and being acceptable. Fish tails may look nice, but in a crowd and on the dance floor they can/will get trodden on and damaged. Two piece affairs can be acceptable as long as they are ‘stylish’ and meet the length code, although many tend to opt for a long dress rather than a 2 piece affair. The chest area should be appropriately ‘attired’ (perhaps slight cleavage on show but not everything 'in your face' style ala Jordon), particularly if you are planning to sit down for a meal where it is often appropriate to wear some sort of shawl across the shoulders during the meal. The reason for this is traditional and historical in that when the catering staff either serve you or clear your plates etc they cannot look down (or be tempted to look down) your cleavage etc, thus protecting your modesty and their embarrassment. Often, once the meal has finished, the shawl can be removed later for when you are dancing or enjoying the entertainment.

Above all, either function will be a ‘dressy’ affair and a chance for ladies to glam up and dress up for an evening and have fun with their OH. So enjoy.

Mummy_Jo

Hi there!

I have the same problem as you in that my bottom half is loads bigger than my top and I tell people that I am shaped like a chiminea:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

My tip is to go to some of the really posh shops and get the women there to dress you. They have a natural flair for this sort of thing and know what fits a woman. Then when you have worked out "your style" get yourself off to TX MAXX, M&S, Debenhams, charity shops in posh areas etc to see if you can replicate it at a much cheaper price. I have been attending formal functions for 17 years now but only have a handful of dresses that I rotate so I do make sure that I get good value for money. My Hubby is now in the RAF and I must say that you can get away with a lot more than you do with the Army (bf hubby is in the Army)

Also please bear in mind that you can have a dress. Get it to fit your bottom half and have it altered to fit your top half. Also wear the underwear (bra especially) that you intend to wear on the night out as that makes a massive difference to the fit of the clothes. I only have 1 two piece. I opt for empire line dresses that fit under the bust then drape around my body. I wear what I call Bridget Jones Knickers (figure hugging pants) to smooth out my tummy and thighs too.

If you go shopping - take a friend with you who is honest. You can buy a strappy dress and find a shawl, bolero jacket etc to go over the top if you have to cover your shoulders - I haven't had to do that for 10 years (since hubby left training)

If you want any more advice feel free to PM me. Whereabouts in the country are you? - Outlet villages can offer good value for money on dresses too.

Good Luck with the quest!

dizzygillespie

Thanks to all of you, especially those who replied at length.

Charity shops haven't anything suitable, so I think I will do as Mummy Jo suggested and visit a posh shop, find out what I can get away with and then look on ebay.

Lilmiss_2

A friend is going to his Xmas 'draw' ( ball) and showed me the dress his partner will be wearing which was from here
http://www.sexyher.co.uk/

The prices arent ridiclous unlike some places and they have an option for a little more to have the dress made to measure. I havent used them myself but bookmarked it in case I get invited to anything similar in future

BettiePage

footballwidow75 wrote: »

Some women were in smart trouser suits, some had dresses above the knee and some had gone the whole hog and got themselves a full on ball gown/bridesmaid type dress!!

I once saw a woman get turned away from a summer ball for wearing a (designer) trouser suit. It was full length (not cocktail) gown or nothing.