If I was to come here and...

oops_a_daisy

Hi Bratsmum - your not acting spoilt and selfish, just a bit low and on your own in a house with kids + a few glasses of wine is always going to make you feel trapped. If it makes you feel better to let it out then go ahead we all have our moments.
I hope you are feeling better today - get yourself out of the house and take the kids to the seaside or park with a OS packed lunch of course
All the best and good luck

needmoney

Good morning bratsmum, I hope you feel a little better today.
You say there are no relations between you for 7 years! Is that the kind of life you want for yourself, you deserve better.

Today in the cold light of day have a good think, imagine your life as if you had already left with the children and see how you feel. If you feel relieved then that's what you really want.

It's very scarey to think about but you will find the courage and the means to do it if you really want. Children are resiliant and if you explain to them gently you'll be surprised how they cope.

Lots of us have been in this situation, you must save yourself, that's not selfish and you're not fat and even if you were you still deserve love
happiness and peace of mind.

Money is not what makes happiness, you'd be surprised what you can do with little. Keep your eye on this board today there'll soon be many more people come to offer advice and support.

In the meantime stay strong and big hugs to you xxx

Ali-OK

Hi bratsmum and ((hugs)).

I agree with needmoney here. It sounds like your self-esteem has taken a battering and happiness seems impossible to achieve right now.

If splitting from your OH would be a relief, then it's the right thing to do. Have you talked to OH about how you feel and the possibility of separation? Could you do this? Could he move out? I'm not condoning splitting families, but 7 years is a long time and I guess resentment has also built up. Or how about counselling with Relate, if you both want to make it work?

However little money you would have to live on in those circumstances, you would manage it. As you'd have some energy to face the day-to-day challenges that life throws at us.

Whatever you decide, they'll always be support on here for you.

taplady

Hi Bratsmum, I hope you feel a bit better today, things always seem worse in the early hours!:grouphug: The Samaritans was a good idea and you dont have to talk to a 'real' person you can email them and they email back with some wonderful sound advice. I have done it myself once so I know they are brilliant!

OberonSH

Hi Bratsmum,

I'm a single mum, my hubby walked out NYE to 'get his head together'. On Valentines Day I found out about the woman he was living with. Ex Prostitute with 4 kids. We have a beautiful little 15monther together, and I felt like it was all my fault, wasn't working hard enough, not making enough money.

You know what? After he left I realise how unhappy I was with him, and how much he controlled me. I'm single, overworked, feel like the world is stacked against me, but I'm happy. My daughter and I will be fine, and I don't have someone in my life who thinks I should be a certain way. My advice would be to look long and hard at your life, and decide what you want. Life is not a dress rehersal. This is the show, and if you're going to go through life unhappy then you may as well not have lived.

You sound like you have lovely children, brilliant (if unwell) pet, and that's a lot to live for. I surprise myself by how little me and The Child can live on, and as long as this forum exists then you have support right here. Being on your own isn't as bad as people think

Have you told hubby how you feel? Maybe he just hasn't noticed how down you are, and it's easy to get into a rut. Then if you talk and still don't feel like he's taking you seriously, then it's time to decide what you want love.

I hope that today you're feeling better, and that you can see things positively. It is a bit scarey at first being single, esp with children, but in the long run you'll come out the other side. I hope that you're okay, I've been where you are, and the only person who can decide what you want is you.

Love N Hugs and kind thoughts your way, Obi xx

CosmoCat

hi bratsmum

small steps.

first step, stop calling yourself all those horrible names, even if you mean to say it sarcastically as in 'look what other people call me'. i've learnt (because i've done it to myself so many times) that the more i say these horrible things about myself, the more i come to believe it. please, please don't say those things about yourself. I am sure you are soooooo much more than that.

((((hugs)))))

milliejon

Bratsmum - I totally agree with Melabarrie. I grew up being told I was fat and thick etc - and I believed it. This kind of thing really knocks the stuffing out of you.

You've made a step in writing your feelings down - I also did this, in the form of a letter (which I never sent) to my mum. This worked wonders for me, and I started getting confident. This was nearly 10 years ago, when I was in a controlling relationship with my first husband.

I now have a wonderful relationship with my new husband, and have two great kids with him.

The reason I say this, is that now if feels like there is no way out, but you will find the confidence to do what you need to do, and in time you will have the life you deserve.

:grouphug:

beanielou

Good luck whatever you deceide Bratsmum