If I was to come here and...

bratsmum

.....cry wholeheartedly in my corner because my usual on line friends are away and I feel so sad and upset would you hold me or shout at me? Not debt just confusion and not reallyh knowing what to do. Cant' talk to my sis anymore cos she doesn't like my OH and blah blah blah. and she says I should go, but I don''t know where. I am feeling very patheic at the mo.

Oh P@@@h as my son would say. I'll just sob quietly.

how do you people leave your husbands? how do you do it? mine works hard for us, and professes to love me (altho the last time he touched me in any way was when daughter was conceived and she's 7 in June. He hated touching me when it when I was pregnant and I neve forgave him. crying too much too type properly.

Oh and I now have a severley blocked up nose and red eyes, and kids are asleep finally and OH is away, has nbeen for a week, and a week mopre. and I just want to run away, but I know I can't/ and I fully admit it have had a drink and realised howe nice people out there are!

I'm sorry. just needec to cry sommewhere and this felt as near as home as it couyld be

thank you

I meant to press delete because I didn't meant to actually send it, but now I can listen to your advise, nod my head and ignore it. Why can't I just get up and leave? goes away and bangs head against wall

tomstickland

hey, it's fine, it's 01:09am on a Sunday morning and lots of people are sat at computer screens being sociable.

bratsmum

only daft old me sorry and daft old tomstickland (edit)


maybe its just general fatigue and disillusionment with the world and what I thought I was getting.

Is it right to live a life of what everyone else expects, or should I just dump the lot, run and take the kids and re-educate them into, OS style perhaps?

get what the council give me away from london family and friends and start again? can I even do that?

well-medicated

My pet

You should never be expected to live the life that everyone esle expects. It's the one thing that you have sole ownership of and, although we can't always do what we want ALL the time, it lat least should run the way you want it to.

We all have our crosses to bear; some bigger than others. But you should count your blessings when you're feeling like this - and now is not the time to be making decisions about staying or going, you need to be a wee bit more settled before you make big plans like that.

I wish I could make things right for you.

WM

bratsmum

My problem, and I fully admit it, is that I am a spoilt brat. Daddy's little angel, first (proper) fella's angel. If we can do it for you we will. And I lived on that, and expected it from (2ND PROPER FELLA) OH, who did, except (and OMG I'm 40 something this year, haven't I LEARNT!!!!!!) he gave me everything monetary,but nothing loving, and I realised that is the way we've gone on since we first met. Perfect trophy wife and oooh look at me, what a good hubby I've snared.

Hey ho how to screw up your life, come and ask me. Oh, did I mention I am now, what is the word, oh yes FAT- how much do I weigh? Oh tons and tons I think, after two kids, 9st 7lbs. what did I weigh when we met? 9st. But hey, apparently I';m FAT!!!! Oh and I'm 5ft 7". (yes I have a "squidgy tummy" but give me a break its not that bad) and only after two kids.

Go on people out there in the real world laugh out loud!!! and please, laugh with me, I know I deserve it. At the moment, shsush, I have made two wonderful dolls and am praying that OH falls passionately in love with, um, a Swedish Au pair (oddly enough they both look like Barbie and Ken?) I have the dolls in a secret drawer and "HOPE" most nights, I also know a good divorce lawyer.

this could go on, I just really hope, although I know I won't, I WISH while he'sawayh I could pack up and go. But mortgage, cc debts, and to face it I really don't know how to cope (and that makes me really MAD) without my house, and stuff. and how the kids would react if I said, hey we are leaving Daddy, we are now very poor, OMG st9cks head back under pillow.;

bratsmum

Well-medicated

Thank you for replying. In my extremely selfish state I missed my manners and omitted to thank you.

But, as I am selfish, thoughtless, and apparently fat and ugly is that surprising. Amazing how a few careless words from a far flung continent (where OH is at this moment), opposed to a few friendly words from near and dear friends, or a stranger on the internet, can make you feel.

lizzie47

Hiya
Oh dear you sound well down been where you are.What can i tell you ?? do you feel able to ring the samaritans i was one once there are some realy nice ones maybe if you voice your worries ? Talk to a live person so to speak the call dont show on your bill i dont think.Sending you a big hug,am wide awake an be around a while if you rather "do it on line"

Big virtual hug Lizzie x

Hellfire

you are not a spoilt brat. a spoilt brat would never doubt herself and would find fault with everyone except herself. you are a good woman who has reached a point in her life when questions need to be asked and decisions taken. they are not easy ones, but they are there and won't go away until you do.

And remember, you have friends here.

lizzie47

Looks like you went off line before i posted..Hope you wake feeling a bit better.Maybe make a list in your head or onpaper what you want/need to change..Take them day by day.As i heard other day "How do you eat an elephant ?" answer chunk by chunk..As you change things that can be changed you will feel more able to deal with your life..

Hope you sort out your problems.An do have a think about samaritans they are very good
Another Virtual hug for you
Love Lizzie x

bratsmum

Thank you for listening. I had a really difficult day yesterday, kids playing up, car breaking down, dog being ill over carpet, burnt the tea! You name it, it went wrong. Being depressed about the debt, it doesn't look much, but I try very hard to forget about the 60K we remortgaged to cover last year.

And then everyone else always seems so much happier than me, and I am just soo tired of saying no you can't have that all the time, that yesterday I went and splurged on clothes for the kids, and M & S food (which I then burnt!) and then I had to put it all on the spreadsheet and it was awful so I felt horrible about that.

I must thank my lucky stars that I have two beautiful children, a wonderful dog (when he's not being sick on the carpet) and can just about keep my head above water.

At some stage I must give my daughter her barbie and ken dolls back, although I still hope OH will leave me, takes the hard work out of my hands then! Last night I really really wanted to just run away and forget about everything, but in the cold light of the morning I know I will carry on smiling and telling every one its all going to be alright.

Still at least I didn't succumb to the dreaded weed, in fact, I didn't even think about it. How cool is that? free from one thing at least. Thats one chunk eaten from the elephant! lol

And Lizzie, I couldn't speak to the Samaritans, that would involve talking to a real person, and that would make everything very real and that would be just too scary because then I could'nt ignore it and carry on, because I've made my bed, and I just have to get on and make the most of it.

And, of course, my problems are of my own making and I should deal with them myself, one small chunk at a time. And there are people worse off than me so I shoul dfeel grateful for what I have got.

There, I have kicked myself back into touch and will no longer post drivel, and will stoutly refuse to believe all those perfect people out there (you know the ones, the perfect mums at the school gates on time each day, with clean neat houses, and the ubiquitious 4 x 4) are real, they are all robots!!!!:rotfl:

lynzpower

Morning there

It sounds to me like you are being really hard on yourself hun.

At the end of the day no ones life is perfect, and in fact I always thought I was living the life of riley while I was spending like a madman and maxing out the cards. It was however a bit empty, I was bored so I spent.

You say your problems are of your own making, well arnt they always. But the best thing about problems is that they are an avenue for change, in fact some philosopher ( cant remember who now :rolleyes:) said nothing good would ever come about unless there were problems. I also like a 70s phrase from the 70s movement, "if you arnt part of the solution,you are part of the problem".

Perfection doesnt exist. Those mums at the school gates with thier snazzy motors, have debt too, they walk among us. And we welcome them here when they say, "we kept up with the joneses".

Sorry this probably doesnt make sense, ive literally just woken up, but one thing I will add is whenever you are here, you are never alone

Lots of love
Lynz
x