Joint custody / CM payments

Blonde_Bint

thanks Lizzie.

Best way to deal with me is spell it out with the brightly coloured letters written on wooden blocks:p

sometimes I read peoples posts and they say 'is anyone else reading between the lines" I have enough trouble just reading the lines:eek:, didnt know there was stuff in between them:eek::eek:

Kandipandi

:mad:This issue is one that makes my blood boil!:mad:
The system as it stands is so very wrong. Please understand for those people whose partners leave them 'holding the baby' with no support I imagine (when it works) it is a lifeline.

However, for the honest, loving partners (generally fathers) who are classed as NPC (even though they have their children more than the EX) due to the fact that they allowed the EX to keep all of the family allowance, its so very unfair.
For those planning to split up and planning to have 50/50 care, or more then it would pay them to keep tight hold of the family allowance payment.
It is so so unfair that a father who has the children more than the mother and has less disposable income than the mother should have to pay her just because she is a woman? And the fact that she is wanting to take that money is disgusting, it shows no regard for her own children when they are having food taken from their mouths at the NPC's house (which has happened!).

Sorry - rant over its just one of my sore spots.

PlayingHardball

Hiya Maggie,

I'm not a NRP partner, so maybe I'm not able to understand your point as well as those who are, however, I can understand many of your frustrations and although I won't bore you with my own situation as a PWC, I just want to say that sometimes we need to 'turn the other cheek' not for ourselves, but for our children.....and choose not to react.

After reading your situation (with interest), I don't think the situation sounds that bad. I wasn't sure which event you were referring to as 'that event', was it the park situation with the clothing?

At the end of the day, your OH's daughter has a mother who works 30 hours (nothing to be scoffed at if as you say she has a 4 year old and 7 year old), she supports herself and provides a home for her children (albeit with help, but she wouldn't get WTC if she wasn't qualified through her earnings). I know several single mums that I work with that choose to work EXACTLY the minimum 16 hours in order to qualify for working tax credit! So she is working 30 hours, which is admirable, surely?

Yes, she has gym time for herself, but who can say that is wrong? Did I read right that your OH's Mother looks after his DD while she goes to the gym? Isn't that a good thing? The X is involving your OH's family in DD's life, thats GOOD! If I were the NRP Granny, I would hate to have no contact due to a separation.

Maybe she isn't THAT bad? Is she a good mother? Does she provide for your OH daughter to a level that OH is happy?

Forget the clothes issue! I had that with Ex too. He wouldn't let our DD bring what he paid for to my house, which I thought was stupid! I didn't retaliate, and DD packed whatever she wanted to wear to his for the weekend. It is a silly issue which sounds very common and best ignored.

I wish you luck, and I do apologise very much that I can't see what you are saying. (and hope nobody bashes me on the head for having a PWC perspective)

As far as your original posted question. I think the 50/50 idea sounds great in situations where it can work best for the child. Perhaps you are in that situation being next door to DD school and given that you your partner would welcome it? Even if the pwc denies the possibility now, the DD could legally have her own say at age 10 or 11.

I think what I'm saying is, your OH DD is only 8. You have many years to go before financial support stops. It would be best to put a stop to the anger and focus on whats best for the DD. Even if at times you feel that you and OH are the only ones doing that, your OH daughter will benefit from that in the long run.

maggied_2

PHB - thanks for the different perspective. I'm certainly not going to bash you for it! The incident I'm talking about is here http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1936373&highlight, which will hopefully help explain my rather strong feelings towards the PWC. This isn't the first time she's done something like this either - ahhh I could rattle off a list!! Dragging SD out of the house at 8am in tears in her pyjames because she'd decided she 'wanted her back', taking her to the hospital with a temperature and then causing a huge scene around it because she didn't want me to drive OH to the hospital, stopping SD doing weekend activities because they 'eat into her weekend too much', getting hold of my number and sending me messages saying she's been sleeping with my OH, refusing to let us take SD on holiday (because of my 'foul mouth' and because I don't eat (???), constant threats to remove OH's access, 30-50 calls a day (this has now stopped thankfully).....I could go on and on....

The clothes thing is no biggie to me at all - it's the abuse of me and use of her children to emotionally manipulate everyone around her that I object to.

PlayingHardball

Ah, well, that sheds a different light, in which case I'm very very sorry for you and think you will have a bumpy ride, sadly.

It does made my blood boil when 'adults' behalve like that!

What goes around comes around! Bide your time and be strong. My partner and I did just that, but I know it isn't easy.

Don't let her win though, it sounds like she is really upsetting you and I wouldn't give her that power if I were you. Best wishes x

PlayingHardball

Sorry, just thought my last sentence through. Who am I kidding, it must be next to impossible not to let her upset you!

I would catalogue her behaviour, gain witnesses to events (such as her behaviour outside your gate) etc.

Very sad for the little girl

maggied_2

Thanks PHB

I'm not looking for sympathy (Oh, OK I need a little sometimes!) but as you say it is the saddest for her daughter. As much as it angers me (and as much as I would like it not to!) it's not my childhood she's screwing up is it?

If karma exists then she deserves to be dropped on her ar*e from a great height!

Onwards and upwards (repeat to self....at least you're not her....)