need a rant

anmarj

sorry but OH sister is causing problems again, and I need to screem! We have already had issues in how this wedding is being around his sister to keep her happy and I am totally fed up. the latest is this, after formal shots at church we intended taking the kids with us to a nearby park for shots, they are 6, 9 and 11 plus my sister's 3 year old. We decided that only us and the kids would go, the church and hotel would have plenty of pictures of families etc, but this would be a nice "us" time. His mum has now stated that somebody should be with the kids if they needed the loo etc, this has then thrown the dielema of how many do we then allow. I am still adamant that it is only OH, me and the kids, casue if we let one person I then get an earful from my family. His mum has not said what caused this but I can guess, his sister, she will not let them out of her sight we could not even take her 3 for pizza and bowling as a treat, so far all comprises (we have made them) have been about his sister and want she wants, I am not happy, OH agrees with me but will not back me up over this. Most of this wedding is about what his family wants, our reception was to be in the local church hall but that soon got changed, the table plan has been to suit his sister beacause she "prefers" to sit with her children, god know what would of happend if there had been a formal top table, I've arrange hair trails around her, she even upset me badly by decideing to book her hairdresser for the girls on the day and even telling me what time she intended dropping the kids off at the hotel, all without speaking to me! His mum is wanting to keep other people happy but us! Am I really a bad person for wanting some time alone with the kids away from guests, in total for approx 1 hour, did point out to OH that is proberly the only real time that we would have, or do we say no kids as attendants and leave to his sister to explain. (i know it sounds horrible):mad:

Morglin

I think perhaps you need to look at practicalities a little bit.;)

As you have a church and a hotel, can the photos not all be taken there? It sounds a bit strange for you and hubby to go off alone and leave your guests for an hour really.

It may well be raining (hope it's not!) and it may well be cold, and you will need someone to hold coats for the children, at least - no mother would want her young children taken to a park for an hour in cold or rain without proper clothing!

The 3 year and 6 year ones will probably want the loo - and they will probably be bored stiff and rushing around. You will need someone to help out unless you are happy to be running around a park in all your finery.:eek:

So, I would certainly allow SIL and her partner, at least, to go with you - they don't have to appear in the pics.

The table plan issue is again one of a mum knowing that her 3 year old will probably fidget, try and leave the table, and get bored - most mums would want to sit with children that age to try and keep them well behaved for the meal and possibly help with with cutting up their dinner etc.,

3 year olds often throw a major strop with hairdressers - using one she knows is probably the best thing, and mum knows that - although she should have checked with you what time you wanted the kids dropped off.

Wedding days aren't really practical for 'us time' - they are a celebration for the rest of your life together, and an event involving everyone you have invited. You will have years of 'us time' ahead - and I certainly wouldn't stop them from being your attendants over this - you will cause major ructions, may cause people not to attend, and leave a family upset that will last for years!:eek:

Wedding days (I've done two!) are major stress, and to be honest, I would let these little issues go over your head, and just enjoy the day.;)

You might think she's over-protective and controlling, but, they are her kids, and you need to respect that her decision, where they are concerned, is hers to make.

Have a lovely day and my best wishes to you both.:beer:

Lin

Alikay

Well, given their ages, I'd want to be with my kids too! They might want the loo, need coats, get over-excited, anxious or whatever. You seem to want to take all the control away from his sister where the children are concerned and that's not fair: They're HER kids not yours!

I would hate to be put on a separate table to them at a wedding, and as for permitting someone else to have their hair cut:eek:.

As a mum you take full responsibility for your children and it's not something you can relinquish at the drop of a hat just because it's someone elses big day. You don't mention your SIL's husband...if you take the kids away will that leave her on her own as well?

Horace

Rather than have 'us' time in the park why not use the hotel grounds for your photos - there is no need to take the kids as usually photographers just take the bride and groom for their personal shots. When you have the group photos..why not compromise and have one of you and your OH and the kids (call it a shot for grandma). SIL can be hovering behind the camera pulling silly faces at her kids to get them to smile.

I can understand why SIL wants to sit with her kids too as others have said they are her responsibility and kids get bored and will leave the table.

shellsuit

I wouldn't let my kids go off for an hour when we are meant to be at a family gathering, regardless if it is a wedding, not at those ages anyway.

I can't see the big deal with having their parents there anyway, it's not like they are going to jump in for the photos are they?

With regards to the seating plan, I'd want to sit by my kids too!

neneromanova

Are any of these kids yours as I'm confused with whose they are...

shellsuit

neneromanova wrote: »

Are any of these kids yours as I'm confused with whose they are...

From what I can make out, 3 are her sister in laws (to be!) and the other is her sister's child.

*Chattie*

Actually if I was a quest at this wedding and we were left for an hour without the wedding party I think I'd be inclined to go home.

But if I were you and had, had all the stress and arguements over the wedding that you seem to have had, I'd cancel the whole thing and go off and get married with no-one present and go out for dinner.

frannyann

Its actually her own sister who has the 3 year old, the SIL to be's children are 6,9,11. This seems to be a minor problem but clearly shows at a much bigger one which is the OH not supporting the bride-to-be in standing up for what they both want for the wedding. He probably feels stuck in the middle between not upsetting his family and not upsetting his wife to be.

Having been through something similar at my first (:o) wedding, I know how upsetting this can be, and it set the tone for our whole marriage. Our wedding was supposed to children free, more OH issue than mine but I went along with it, spoke to my family (many with small children) and that was fine, however his parents insisted his sisters children attend 'or else' For a quiet life my (then) OH agreed and on the day they both turned up in bridesmaids dresses :mad: I gritted my teeth and said nothing, but then the birth of our daughter was marked by how important it was that his sister be the first to see our daughter after us, Why?? Your guess is as good as mine.

OP you need to sit with OH to be and discuss which elements of the wedding are not for discussion and which areas you can compromise, then you AND OH need to discuss this with his family and make OH see that he has to show his family you are a couple and that you are a united front.

Sorry a bit ranty myself but my marriage was always about pleasing his parents and it got bleeding annoying!

neneromanova

So none of the kids are yours. Then I wouldn't expect you to understand their feelings about their kids. I know it's your wedding day, but they're not your kids. Do the photos at the Ceremony or hotel But I know I'd have a problem with someone taking my little baby. I know she's only 18 months but I would never let her go with anyone other than her dad or my mum. It's just how the mother feels. She is protecting her cubs. And god forbid, what if something was to happen in the park and she wasn't there to do anything or help? It's either allow the SIL to be there or don't do it at all....

Minxy_Bella

Honestly, it never fails to amaze me how stressed some women can get when they're getting married.

I agree with everything Morglin said in post two.

I think the OP should realise that the world is not out to get her and maybe the SIL is just trying to be nice/practical/supportive??