the next step???

LizzieS_2

Dancing_Shoes wrote: »

Yes they are double standards. I wanted to make the point, if you are saying that it is ok and the right thing to do to follow the csa assessment then you surely agree that we have also done the right thing

Yes I fully support what you did, likewise I would support that sometimes an increase would occur.

Soubrette

Dancing_Shoes wrote: »

Yes they are double standards. I wanted to make the point, if you are saying that it is ok and the right thing to do to follow the csa assessment then you surely agree that we have also done the right thing

I also fully support what you've done re maintenance payments. Parliament has given legal definitions of what is considered an acceptable child maintenance payments in any given situation (if anyone has a beef with the amount then take it up with your MP - not the PWC/NRP).

As a PWC lucky enough to have an involved partner - I have no problems with the ex giving directly to his children/putting it in savings accounts etc but I want to see roughly the amount spent on the children as prescribed by the government.

As an NRP I would be happy to give the PWC exactly what has been decided by an independent body. Anything extra I wanted to spend would be spent on my children, how I chose to spend it. If I were an NRP whose PWC did not want maintenance for whatever reason then I would make sure that I put money by/spend money directly on the children again in line with what a third party has decided is a reasonable amount of my salary. My spending priorities would be roughly food/shelter/clothes/tax/child maintenance (whether or not directly to the PWC), then I would look at what's left for other things.

Next time someone posts about how they can't pay child maintenance because they can't afford it - have a look at their past posts - sometimes it's quite sad what they can afford instead.

Again, not to take away from those who genuinely can't afford it - but most people could stump up a fiver pocket money for their kids, surely?

Sou

shell_542

Soubrette wrote: »

My spending priorities would be roughly food/shelter/clothes/tax/child maintenance (whether or not directly to the PWC), then I would look at what's left for other things.



Sou

I know you said roughly, but I'm assuming petrol and vehicle insurance costs would also be going into that list somewhere as well because if there's none of those for us, there would be no income to pay maintenance out of. :rotfl:

I might be very paranoid but I hope my post about having driving lessons doesn't make me one of those posters you are referring to. I hope not as we pay maintenance, just not quite as much as the CSA would demand. But I see passing my test as being beneficial in the long run as I can hopefully go out, get a decent job myself without having to work around public transport or rely on a job coming up in my tiny village and then can pay more towards all of my husband's children. I would also hope me spending £15 a month on myself and not adding that £15 a month to our maintenance doesn't make me a bad person.

Soubrette

shell_542 wrote: »

I know you said roughly, but I'm assuming petrol and vehicle insurance costs would also be going into that list somewhere as well because if there's none of those for us, there would be no income to pay maintenance out of. :rotfl:

I might be very paranoid but I hope my post about having driving lessons doesn't make me one of those posters you are referring to. I hope not as we pay maintenance, just not quite as much as the CSA would demand. But I see passing my test as being beneficial in the long run as I can hopefully go out, get a decent job myself without having to work around public transport or rely on a job coming up in my tiny village and then can pay more towards all of my husband's children. I would also hope me spending £15 a month on myself and not adding that £15 a month to our maintenance doesn't make me a bad person.

I didn't read the post about driving lessons - good luck with them

No you weren't someone who sprang to mind - I was thinking of those posters who come on here having used other parts of the board with their long stories about how their partners really can't afford to pay CSA - they want to but it's too much money, they are willing to pay but not what the CSA are asking - when probed a little further it actually turns out they are paying nothing :mad:

It's not about being a good or bad person - it's about what is affordable - imagine if someone posted something along the lines of the following on a different part of the board:

Hi, I have been living in my house for the last three years and I now find my council tax bill is too high - I am quite willing to pay council tax - just not at the level the council have asked me to pay.

I haven't paid for the last three years because of the amount they've been asking and now I am being taken to court because of it - what do you advise me to do?

I was the NRP for about 6-8 months (I was the one that left the house with just a suitcase full of clothes and a friend who rented out rooms in his house and was willing to give me a break). I got myself a part time job, I bought the girls clothes and provisions and I also put money by for them in a bank account in each their names. My budget was rent/food/money for children/what's left.

I did have a car but it came out of whats left - a truly rubbish car

However I am the parent - I would not expect that level of commitment from a partner of a parent (except from my own partner ).

Sou

shell_542

I get you.

Although petrol/bike insurance is up there before most of the necessities for us unfortunately as it's a 45min - 1 hour commute to and from work for my hubby so walking would be out of the question. Without the job, there would be no money for anything else.

A motorbike is sooo cheap compared to a car/public transport.

kelloggs36

shell_542 wrote: »

But the NRPs that Dancing Shoes was referring to are not going to be able to suddenly find money. This is what gets me at the suggestion of getting a loan to pay of arrears. If the simple fact of the matter is the NRP simply couldn't afford the monthly payments the CSA were demanding (and let's face it, it happens. The CSA don't care if someone can't afford what they've calculated), how are they suddenly going to be able to afford possibly high monthly repayments on a loan?

The NRPs I'm referring to are those who have been fully aware all along that they had to pay but have refused to - had they done so they would not be in such arrears and then be claiming they can't find the money. They should have paid at the time and not waited for years and then whined that the CSA are forcing them to take out loans to cover debts of their own making. This is not the same as NRPs who have been unaware of a debt accruing.

Soubrette

shell_542 wrote: »

I get you.

Although petrol/bike insurance is up there before most of the necessities for us unfortunately as it's a 45min - 1 hour commute to and from work for my hubby so walking would be out of the question. Without the job, there would be no money for anything else.

A motorbike is sooo cheap compared to a car/public transport.

Indeed, and sometimes people are going to be in a position where they can't pay child maintenance such as illness or perhaps retraining etc - all these are the same as being part of a family - sometimes the main provider will change. Also there are other ways of providing support, not just financial, if PWC and NRP have an amicable agreement then a low earning NRP might make other contributions such as picking up and dropping of at school.

As to the car - again there is a difference between getting something for under £5000 (guessing on a reasonable sized reliable family car price) and choosing to buy something that's £20K (again guessing - I know nothing about cars) and brand new and afterwards pleading poverty as a reason for not paying child maintenance.

The other side of the same coin ie not really caring enough about your children is the PWC who persuades themselves that as they hate the NRP the NRP must therefore be a hateful person and so it is in the best interests of the children to have no access to the NRP.

Most people don't actually believe they are mean and selfish - they have lots of justifications as to why they are actually doing the best thing.

Sou

shell_542

Under £5k?! Under £500 I'll be looking at lol!

I do agree with you though.

bdt1

Sou - you said it perfectly!!!!!!!

I'm a NRPP my hubs was denied access from his children from the moment we had (quote PWC) our bas***d children, except I married him and she never did

Alas, after nearly 16 years of total mad obsessive behaviour from the PWC, we still pay mainteenace - never enough in her eyes, - we hope his children will through curiosity come and find him and their siblings one day and not believe all they have overheard or been told about their father, he's a good man, and left her because of her abuse toward him

Blonde_Bint

bdt1 wrote: »

Sou - you said it perfectly!!!!!!!

I'm a NRPP my hubs was denied access from his children from the moment we had (quote PWC) our bas***d children, except I married him and she never did

Alas, after nearly 16 years of total mad obsessive behaviour from the PWC, we still pay mainteenace - never enough in her eyes, - we hope his children will through curiosity come and find him and their siblings one day and not believe all they have overheard or been told about their father, he's a good man, and left her because of her abuse toward him

:eek: we only had 10 years of nastiness from ours of which fortunately for us only 5 of those were sheer hell on earth. These last 2 years have been really quiet. I'm curious how old is your youngest and when the kids hit 16 does a cr*ppy pwc get any better? I thought ours had gone quiet because the child makes his own arrangements with his father and sort of does what he wants within reason for his age iyswim. when he was under about 12ish needs lots of input from pwc because they must be with adults all the time that kind of thing. or am I wrong does it just depend on the pwc?