Lost in the middle - getting organised and debt free

Marru

I am heading for the busyest time of the year at work, still don't know if the court case is going forward on Tuesday, still haven't sorted out the BL (going to PM Roberto, he is still around last time I checked) and I didn't get any studying done yesterday. But would you know what? I woke up actually happy, thinking that I will be ok. Please let this continue.

Marru

Had my shrink appointment today. Scores were low on the questionnaire but that is because I am functioning on adrenaline. I predict a big crash on Friday evening 10th of June.

I don't know if this appointment was really that usefull. All I did was to keep talking about ex. It always went back there. Sometimes I wish I didn't have DD as then I could write ex off completely out of my life so that the door could then be shut good and proper.

At work we are living the quiet before big storm. I have pretty much exhausted all the ways to be prepared for next couple of weeks. There is little bit I can do still but I really need to figure a way how to study and still look like I am working. Damnest open space offices. I have some sorting out to do still but I need other people to get back to me on those. I really hope I get the answers this week when I have time to get them finalised.

Anyhoo. While DD was at beavers I sat in the nearby cafe studying. So far all the stuff is familiar to me. I have everything crossed that there won't be anything more complex than that. I have at least now study plan so need to keep chipping away. Now I am absolutely exhausted so I am going to get DD to bed (yes I know, it is late again) and then crash to watch Apprentice while doing backstitch on Ollie. Bed at 10, no news or news night for me tonight .

ETA: before picked DD up from beavers managed to get all the rubbish out of the car into carrier bag and in the bin. The car is still far away from clean but it was an improvement

Frog for tomorrow: Call the court!!! - Need to find the phone number for them tonight (and my reference number)

savingwannabe

Scores are low as you are still ill petal. It takes time. It will get better.

Keep cross stitching and staying positive and good luck with the frogs. You are a very strong person and I admire you immensely.

Marru

savingwannabe wrote: »

Scores are low as you are still ill petal. It takes time. It will get better.

Keep cross stitching and staying positive and good luck with the frogs. You are a very strong person and I admire you immensely.

Scores are low indicating that there is nowt wrong with me. The higher the score on the questionnaire the more severe the depression. But I know they are low because as I said I am operating on adrenaline. It will be completely different story when the adrenaline runs out.

Oh forgot to say. I have signed for a course that brings my animal dream closer. I am soooo excited. It is two weekends one in October and one in November. Darling BF has promised to look after DD for those two weekends. :j :j :j

Hmmm - because I am strong I got ill. Check THIS out. (Very good book by the way) It is like oak tree versus willow in the strong wind, which one will fall?

savingwannabe

Oh thanks for explaining it. My psychologist said strong people keep pushing themselves and what you would consider to be not a bother others would find to be extremely stressful. You are doing such a lot I hope you are trying to rest a bit too.

Going to make a cup of tea. will check out website in a bit.

Holy cow.THE BOOK. I got it back a week before i lent it to Porge. Hope he is reading it.

Marru

AAAARRRGHHH - it is not even lunch time and I have done all the jobs that I can. Waiting for a bunch of people to come back to me so that I can get on with stuff. I know that staring your email inbox won't get those emails coming through any quicker.

I think I will just bite the bullet and log onto my online study material. See how long it takes before I get told off...

Firewalker

Marru wrote: »

AAAARRRGHHH - it is not even lunch time and I have done all the jobs that I can. Waiting for a bunch of people to come back to me so that I can get on with stuff. I know that staring your email inbox won't get those emails coming through any quicker.

I think I will just bite the bullet and log onto my online study material. See how long it takes before I get told off...

Hope you did study. Tim Ferriss may be a shameless self promoter (nothing wrong with this one I say) but he is a very clever young man. He kept drilling home two things:

1) We are inefficient because we are employed by time not tasks (this is why you have finished everything - you were efficient; but instead of being able to study officielly as a reward you have to apper busy)

2) It is better to ask forgiveness than permission (you testing how long it will take to be told off).

Maru, I was a bit concerned about you 'knowing' that the D will be back on June 10th. Sometimes these expectations get us there faster. Keep stimulated and interested in things and see how it goes.

Firewalker

Marru

I could put positive spin on 10th of June. I could say that I have finished a busy period in three areas in my life and will be tired so deserve proper rest. And aknowledge this and appreciate it as it is. I know I can't run on sheer bloodymindedness for much longer than that.

Even today I am struggling since the call to the court. For those who don't read Matrix thread. I called the court and the hearing is going ahead. I need to be there on Tuesday by half one. I will make sure I will be hiding in the victim support unit this time. (Anything for a free cup of tea :money:)

I feel very deflated. There is a sort of a plan in place. I called this solicitor who is specialised in family law and has office on the same road as my work. So I am hoping that I get to meet her tomorrow on my lunch break. Frog for tonight is to find all the paper work. Shouldn't be difficult as I came across most of them this morning anyway. If this solicitor doesn't have time or can't help then plan B will take place. And I do have time to think of the plan B over the weekend.

Oh and I did study and then my manager came to ask me for a private chat. Oh no I thought - busted. But it was about me having so much time off during next couple of weeks while we are busy at work (half day Tuesday for court and then two days following week for studying and exam). Well that wasn't so bad it was that I hadn't informed them early enough that next week is a half term and I have to do my normal half term hours. I.e. going half an hour earlier and then leave half an hour earlier. For goodness sake I am 42 I don't need my bum wiping I know my job and what needs to be done and if my exam coincide with the year end then SORRY! So I have now been told that if things after next week are not going as they (the bosses) would like we need to review the situation.

Logging off, feeding monkey, doing cross stitch, finding papers, studying perhaps, doing healing session for friend's cat, going to bed.

Marru

Oooh look what I just found:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of the Universe. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of the Spirit that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

savingwannabe

We will all be praying and thinking of you on the 10th June don't you worry. Stay positive. The last post was v inspiring.