oh my goodness what have i done!

cakey

Hay peeps need some moral support...

we are in about 30K of debt, we have been saving for our wedding i have been putting money aside every month. i have put us on a budget, taken control of our finances and have worked a budget which allows us to save and pay off extra debt... the problem is my other half. He cant seem to grasp the concept of not spending. its now come to a head as he set up his own business, at first asked to borrow 1K for stock, i agreed reluctantly and he promised to give it back when he gets paid for his first contract (today) he borrowed the money 2 weeks ago. so thats 1K gone out of the wedding saves. he was out of work in August so i had to take 1K to cover his lack of wages that month. 2K gone. His new company is making money but he is reluctant to take out anything as he wants it to remain buyant! grrrrr. ok, so he was given a car by his dad, perfectly good car does everything he needs. Not happy with that as he is a bit of a snob and went out and bought a BMW (i have a BMW but is paid for by work). he said the business will pay for the car payments so i was fine with it, then he asks me today for a further 2K for the deposit. He is due 4K payment today for his company. so that 4K he has taken out of our wedding und.. in fact, that is our entire wedding fund. i feel like crying, he has promised it will all go back, but i have a sinking feeling its not going to.

feels better to have vented.. i am an idiot?

DarkConvict

You are not an idiot, you are trying to support him.

Not sure what advice to really give you, but he doesn't need a new car, i think you are right that he cannot grasp the problem with spending when you cannot afford it. Creditors can come calling at any point so it is best to tackle debts head on as you were trying.

Im sure others can provide some better advice to tell to your husband.

cakey

DarkConvict wrote: »

You are not an idiot, you are trying to support him.

Not sure what advice to really give you, but he doesn't need a new car, i think you are right that he cannot grasp the problem with spending when you cannot afford it. Creditors can come calling at any point so it is best to tackle debts head on as you were trying.

Im sure others can provide some better advice to tell to your husband.

he's not going to be my husband if he keeps going like this! i just dont know what to say to him to make him stop. i pointed out today that he has single handidly taken every last penny out of our wedding saves. he just said, but you love me! humpf

chalkie99

Is he using the car exclusively for business or does he drive it privately as well?

He may be misguided on how much he can claim for that or he might just be misleading you to fuel his ego.

What sort of business is it? Sole Trader or Limited Company?

You could possibly post on the Cutting Tax forum for better advice.

As for the debt - why on earth are you saving to spend money on a wedding when you are so far in debt?

MrsAnnie

Does he speak about the wedding or is involved with the planning? Is your wedding date set? I think you need to sit down and have a reallly good heart to heart and see if both of you want the same things at the present. I think that perhaps, by what you have written, you have to be resigned to the fact that your OH priority is setting up the business. Not your wedding.

Sorry if I sound harsh x

cakey

chalkie99 wrote: »

Is he using the car exclusively for business or does he drive it privately as well?

He may be misguided on how much he can claim for that or he might just be misleading you to fuel his ego.

What sort of business is it? Sole Trader or Limited Company?

You could possibly post on the Cutting Tax forum for better advice.

As for the debt - why on earth are you saving to spend money on a wedding when you are so far in debt?

what we have been putting away for the wedding is minimal compared to what extra i have been paying on the debt. we have halved our debt in the last year, so i dont feel as guilty for putting away for the wedding. plus i only put money away for the wedding if it is extra money each month e.g commision, birthday money etc

euronorris

cakey wrote: »

he's not going to be my husband if he keeps going like this! i just dont know what to say to him to make him stop. i pointed out today that he has single handidly taken every last penny out of our wedding saves. he just said, but you love me! humpf

His reaction seems childish and manipulative to me.

I assume that the money was jointly saved, and therefore, is half yours. You are entitled to ask for it back now, as promised.

I wouldn't lend him anymore money until he can show you that he pays it back.

I also agree that your savings could be better spent on clearing your debts, but understand why you may not want to wait until their clear before you marry.

Have you decided on the date, venue, flowers etc that you want and then looked into bringing the cost down as much as possible? Enlisting the help of friends is a good one and makes people feel more involved.

But, before progressing with that, I would suggest you have a long chat about the finances as he doesn't appear to be taking them very seriously at the moment.

Out of interest, how much of the combined debt was racked up by your hubby to be?

GeniusGenie

Have you both halved your debt in the last year? ie, is only because of him setting up his business that he wants some money, or has it always been this way?

Did he tell you he was going out to buy a BMW, or did he just do it?

cakey

MrsAnnie wrote: »

Does he speak about the wedding or is involved with the planning? Is your wedding date set? I think you need to sit down and have a reallly good heart to heart and see if both of you want the same things at the present. I think that perhaps, by what you have written, you have to be resigned to the fact that your OH priority is setting up the business. Not your wedding.

Sorry if I sound harsh x

the date had been set 2 years ago, for may next year. He is fully inolved with the planning when he speaks about taking the money you can see in his eyes he truly believes he will give it back, i just know him so well and as much as his intentions are good, his following through isnt.

i do want his business to be a success, but i just cant seem to stop him spending money before he has earnt it.

cakey

GeniusGenie wrote: »

Have you both halved your debt in the last year? ie, is only because of him setting up his business that he wants some money, or has it always been this way?

Did he tell you he was going out to buy a BMW, or did he just do it?

He had more debt than me, larger salary i had smaller debt, smaller sallary. We combined the debt and had our salaries go into a joint account (so i can manage his and my money) the debt was then halved over the last year with the exra payments. im earning same as him now and still paying half, dont mind too much as long as its going down.

he did tell me about the BMW. Just to clarify, he has a main salary job and he has now set up a company, he cant take any salary for his set up company, but after speaking to his accountant they said he could claim a car allowance (cover the cost of the car) and it would be tax deductable. So essentitaly the cost of the ew car would not comeout of either of ours main wages. This money is the only money he takes out of the new business.

MrsAnnie

cakey wrote: »

the date had been set 2 years ago, for may next year. He is fully inolved with the planning when he speaks about taking the money you can see in his eyes he truly believes he will give it back, i just know him so well and as much as his intentions are good, his following through isnt.

i do want his business to be a success, but i just cant seem to stop him spending money before he has earnt it.

Do you believe he will too? Or do you think he is in la la land?

He must be predicting some very high and speedy returns on the investment; May 2010 is only around the corner!

You really do need to sit down and chat to him and tell him your concerns.