Telling family/friends about your debt

bailey59

Hello, I was just wondering if you have told your family or friends about your debts in the hope that they can help you financially and emotionally. I am at the stage now where I feel I have to come clean and unburden myself on them. I just feel so ashamed and stupid. My family are going to be so shocked when I admit how much bother I'm in. I just dont think I can hide this from them anymore.

KipKip_2

hiya,

i know how you feel, it was really difficult for me to tell my mum and dad and boyfriend,

especially my dad becuase he's really against debts and he helped me with deposit on my first home so felt ashamed.

boyfriend was hard, he was really supoortive but i coudlnt quite tell him how much debt i was in, i told him i was in deb but not the exact amount. gradually over time after talking about how im going to pay my debts off and seeing my debt free date coming nearer and nearer it was great to talk to him and my mum and dad about it becuase i felt proud of myself for dealing with it and taking my head out of the sand.....

bailey59

Wow KipKap, how have you managed to reduce your debts by so much so quickly??????

Tixy

I think that having emotional support is really valuble. Although obviously its scary to tell them and hard to admit that you have made mistakes.

One route people often take on here is work out a budget and a way forward to start repaying their debts and then tell their family afterwards. So this is my problem and here is my solution that I'm working towards. Or you could tell them you are in debt and struggling without having to go into details as to how much you owe.

If by family you mean a partner/other half who is directly affected (for example if you have joint financial products and you could be ruining their credit rating) then I think telling them is essential and the sooner the better.

Obviously only you know your situation and your family's situation and attitude to money and debt. Personally I'd be worried about asking for financial help. But emotional help definatley.

Also if you have been stressed about finances its quite likley that your famiy has noticed that something is wrong and could be worried about you (they may think that it is something worse than money troubles) so that is another good reason for telling them.

That said there are people on here who have paid off large debts alone without ever telling their partners/families.

Numpty_Monkey

It was probably one of the best things I did, telling my family and friends
They now understand :beer:
for some it does take a while

the biggest problem I now have is,
Keeping my MSE head off when we get together:o:j:T:o
For me the biggest diference is people don't "brag" about how much something cost
as they know I'll ask them questions:cool:,

Tell them you will be surprised, most are in a similiar situation, or worse
but you have been brave enough to admit it and the important thing is YOU ARE DEALING WITH IT :T:T:T:T

KipKip_2

bailey59 wrote: »

Wow KipKap, how have you managed to reduce your debts by so much so quickly??????

i started by getting rid of unnecessary things like mobile phone bill, sky, magazine subscriptions, quit smoking, cut down drinking (which helped with smoking BIG time - couldnt have a drink without a fag at one point!), quit the gym, and loads of other little payments!

have been really frugal with myself on food, petrol and clothing allowance (clothing allowance is non existent!) have been "making do and mending" !

Have made an aim to pay around a £1,000 a month off my debts, i earn a half-decent salary which enabled me to free up around £800 a month towards debts: to make up the £200 i have done countless surveys & joined daily clicks on a few sites, sell stuff on ebay and have had a couple of casual part time jobs (pub/Bank carer etc)

paying off debts is addictive! almost as addictive as spending the money in the first place!!!!

bailey59

Well done, thats fantastic, unfortunately I have nowhere near that amount to pay off debts, saying that I have only just started to realise that I owe money and something needs to be done about it so you never know, maybe I can increase my debt allowance more than I thought if I am really careful. You're a great inspiration.

KipKip_2

bailey59 wrote: »

Well done, thats fantastic, unfortunately I have nowhere near that amount to pay off debts, saying that I have only just started to realise that I owe money and something needs to be done about it so you never know, maybe I can increase my debt allowance more than I thought if I am really careful. You're a great inspiration.

thanks! to be honest with you, in November 2008 if someone would've said to me "you can free up £800 a month to pay debts off" i woudl never in a million years have beleived them, i never ever knew where that "spare" £800 a month went - a spending diary was the best thing i had ever done....it really made me realise exactl wat i was spending money on!

Sassers

I must admit I didn't want to burden friends and family with the shock all at once. They know I'm paying off my debts and I've let them know over the period of about a year - sort of little drip, drip, drips. It has made me feel better because by the time I really told them I'd started paying off the majority of the arrears and debts. I felt guilty and ashamed enough as it is/was without the extra pain of upsetting those I love so much. When I get debt free maybe Dec 2010 or March 2011 I'm going to hand my mum my debt diary and let her read what's really been going on. Right now I really don't need her to know that because I was made redundant I was so poor to buy gas for heating and hot water I washed in a large mop bucket for six months because I couldn't afford hot water except what was out of a kettle.
Yesterday was my first big payday from my new job and aside from debt busting, I had my first proper bath and not a strip wash in months. That's not to say I wasn't clean, I was, but even prisoners get hot showers lol.
Sorry to highjack the thread but sometimes there's more to tell loved ones about than just the debt as they start asking all sorts of questions. Don't feel you should unburden it all, all at once.
Love Sassers xx

Love Sassers

System

Hi bailey,

I am about £27k in debt and I will never ever tell my family. I have been banging on for years about how I am independent so to then turn round and tell my parents what a mess I've made of my finances would be too shameful. I can't tell my boyfriend either - although he knows I have 'some' debt - as I am scared he'd leave me for fear that he ends up having to help me out with it. Probably silly, but it's always a possibility.

I had my LBM about 6 months ago and have only managed to pay off about £2k since then. I have cut way back on literally everything and now pay out over £1k a month on debts, although a lot of it is interest so I am actually only reducing the debts by about £600 a month. It's very depressing and sometimes I feel like it would be nice to have some support, especially as my mum is always saying she can't understand how I never seem to have any money ("I can't afford it" seems to be my catchphrase) but the embarrassment and shame of it is too much and I would rather be miserable and pay it all off myself than tell anyone what I've done. Still trying to prove how independent I am, I suppose. Only four more years to go before my DFD! I am hoping it'll fly by.

Good luck to you!

BEAT_THE_DEBT

Hi i told my mum in law and she said she wished we had told her sooner! And now helps us. I think the credit crunch catchphrase works as most people are going through it and you dont have to tell them about debt if you dont want to say you are saving or cutting back or cant afford that this month!
You may be surprised, pepole may well be having a ligt bulb moment of their own.:rolleyes:
Good luck hve you done an soa? waht are your debts?