Liability Order,

chriszzz

Blonde_Bint wrote: »

I'm a big believer in dont judge others for their actions until you you have stood in their situation. I also think its a minority who behave really badly not the majority.

The decision not to see ones child for the good of everyone involved is very difficult to come to but in certain circumstances can seem like the only solution, we all reach the end of the line at some point the line is just longer for some than it is for others:)

BB, Its a cruel world we live and there is nothing crueler than a vindictive, heartless pwc. I agree that no one should judge until they have walked in there shoes.

You cant do better than try your best so just keep plugging away at it and dont lose heart.

Thing is BB some try there best to no avail, It is one-sided and unfortunately its mostly the nrp who have to wait years to have then a strained relationship with there children.
I really do think pwc should be heavily fined for constricting or stopping contact just on the basis that they can.

stressed_nrp

chriszzz wrote: »

Thing is BB some try there best to no avail, It is one-sided and unfortunately its mostly the nrp who have to wait years to have then a strained relationship with there children.
I really do think pwc should be heavily fined for constricting or stopping contact just on the basis that they can.

I think I agree, however financial penalties will only hit the child. Perhaps the only way ahead is to say, ok PWC, you have had your chance and you have not been responsible or co-operative therefore care needs to now be handed over to nrp. How great would that be - at the moment there are soo many kids being denied relationships with ex's this can't be good for them now or their future relationships. Also a solicitor once told me that PWC do not get punished, perhaps placing them in prison, since lets face it they threaten NRPs with it constantly, maybe the law should be "deny access or make access difficult and we will imprison you". that seems harsh, however I think it would work.

shell_542

It does happen. I know of at least one case of a PWC, I think in Scotland, being imprisoned for denying access.

They should be stricter on those who do it.

stressed_nrp

shell_542 wrote: »

It does happen. I know of at least one case of a PWC, I think in Scotland, being imprisoned for denying access.

They should be stricter on those who do it.

Really, well thats a start. God it sounds really bad wanting this but if it's the only way.. although I am not sure how easy that would be to do here, court costs and each time they deny access / breach agreements you have pay. I did court soo many times and just could not afford to carry on.

Zara33

stressed_nrp wrote: »

Do you honestly think so? I haven't seen this child in many many years, and that's not because that's what I want - I have never shirked any responsibility towards them or my ex for that matter. However, I feel completely out of control of my own life. This isn't something the CSA give a damn about. Having a child and having a relationship end has caused me such misery and allowed me to be treated like a criminal. I want to take ownership of my life and I can't do so until fulltime education ends. For me that's not what parenting is about i.e. solely being a financial provider, I want involvement with no recriminations for my child that's why courts should be involved and not the CSA.

I personally can see that many parents would feel the same and tbh I would be shocked had the notion of "I wish i'd never got involved with that person.." never crossed the minds of other NRPs. You may find that statment shocking and it certainly wasn't meant to shock, rather express the levels a person can be pushed to and the emotions/feelings that being placed under such constant pressure can cause. I don't feel that it is for anyone to judge such comments.

I am being totally honest on here and that doesn't make me a bad person/parent but someone who is able to face the reality of when/if this child knocks my door will I be able to like them or will I think so this is the person that i've made such sacrifices for. If I am honest I never thought I would feel like this, however as time has gone on parental ties lose their grip - this person is a stranger to me and of course I never wanted that to happen, however it has and now all I can do is look to the future and think - will this person like me and will I like them or will I look into their eyes and only see my ex and their insatable appetite to destroy me.

I wasn't judging you I was merely saying that I found that statement sad that a parent could resent a child because of something they have no control over. Your hate/anger shouldn't be with the child, it should lay elsewhere I appreciate your honesty.

Zara33

chriszzz wrote: »

Thing is BB some try there best to no avail, It is one-sided and unfortunately its mostly the nrp who have to wait years to have then a strained relationship with there children.
I really do think pwc should be heavily fined for constricting or stopping contact just on the basis that they can.

Can we also fine the NRP if they don't want a relationship with the child, if the child wants one with them

Zara33

stressed_nrp wrote: »

I think I agree, however financial penalties will only hit the child. Perhaps the only way ahead is to say, ok PWC, you have had your chance and you have not been responsible or co-operative therefore care needs to now be handed over to nrp. How great would that be - at the moment there are soo many kids being denied relationships with ex's this can't be good for them now or their future relationships. Also a solicitor once told me that PWC do not get punished, perhaps placing them in prison, since lets face it they threaten NRPs with it constantly, maybe the law should be "deny access or make access difficult and we will imprison you". that seems harsh, however I think it would work.

How great it would be if my NRP wanted to care for my son :rolleyes: if only...a one size all doesn't fit, there are also many NRP who deny their child even exists.

shell_542

Zara33 wrote: »

How great it would be if my NRP wanted to care for my son :rolleyes: if only...a one size all doesn't fit, there are also many NRP who deny their child even exists.

If the CSA can do their job, an NRP cannot get out of their responsibility totally though, they have to at least support their child financially. That could be seen as a "fine".

A PWC can restrict an NRP from having anything to do with their child though. They can even restrict access when they are receiving child support.

An NRP cannot walk away from their responsibilities unless a) the PWC lets them or b) they are somehow able to fiddle the system or avoid the CSA.

stressed_nrp

Zara33 wrote: »

I wasn't judging you I was merely saying that I found that statement sad that a parent could resent a child because of something they have no control over. Your hate/anger shouldn't be with the child, it should lay elsewhere I appreciate your honesty.

I don't hate my child and I don't feel anger towards them, nor for that matter do I feel it for the ex, it's resentment - not all the time as anything negative is just wasted emotions, but it's there, for both of them when I feel overwhlemed and out of control.

Denying a child is yours very worrying as is not wanting contact, this can only be hurtful to the child in the long run, i'm not sure how I feel about that, it may be maturity that causes someone to say, "it's not mine", or just plain selfishness, in which case they will grow up and the possibility of a relationship in the future will be there. Selfishness, well, that's not going to change so perhaps a child is better being loved by one than tolerated by two - I don't know. I think the idea of mediation before divorcing, separating is a good way forward to ensure the families needs are met - although I think that makes me a tory...:o

chriszzz

Zara33 wrote: »

Can we also fine the NRP if they don't want a relationship with the child, if the child wants one with them

In a earlier post I said that maybe pwc can take the nrp to court to give them access to their emotional responsibility. As the nrp was doing that whilst living in the home, why should that stop when he has to leave the family home?

I was stating that pwc who deny access for no other reason than that of abusing their power should be fined because them pwc want the nrp money to help with the financial support. It does happen!1

It would be interesting to see what up-take you have on the pwc who denies access, is it fair that the nrp has to pay court costs just to try and see there children? is it right for the pwc to abuse her childrens well-being by cutting out contact?

What would you propose that should be done other than taking the nrp money? These things do happen, its not just about money, nrp has a responsibility emotionally and financially and pwc has a responsibility to help there children to develop relationships and some are being denied that natural loving relationship with the nrp, who do want to support there children in both these responsibilities