problems with absent parent

caris

Hi

sorry its abit complicated

we have had residency (through the courts) of our grandson since 2002, he his now 10. His mother has always had open access and this has more or less been when she wants him rather than when he wants to see her, we have asked her in the past few weeks not to take him to a certain place due to an ongoing fued between the family and we dont want him put in an uneasy situation, basically his mother is going out with a man whos brother was with my other daughter for 2 years and he ended the relationship, she then found out that she was pregnant and he made it very clear that they would not be getting back together, then he started getting very threatening towards her and turning up at her home and threating to kick the door in, and constantly phoning her and sending abusive texts and then threatend her that when the baby was born he would take it and she would not see it again, she had a solicitor send him a letter saying that he was not to contact her, asoon as this ran out he was harrassing her again and then turned up at our house (where she is staying as she is too scared to go to her own home), then he was using friends and her sister to telephone and text her saying that she should get back with him, her sister getting involved and taking the other side only made matters worse, she is now awaiting the court to issue her a non molestation order against her ex partner and and the police have told him not to contact her and that any contact between the families should be done via a solicitor, her sister has now cut all ties with us and even though her father and I have asked her not to take our grandson to her boyfriends family home she is totally ignoring our request and then telling our grandson no to let us know he has been there, can we legally stop her taking him as we have full parental responsibility for him, so basically she should obide with our wishes and she is deliberatly going against this, should we go back to court or to the solicitor.

Any advise will be really welcome.

caris

ifonlyitwaseasier

sounds like you can tell her to go away and not allow her to take him out at all if you have parental responsibility for him, (i may be wrong but surely that gives you more rights than her in this matter)

LJM

i would say yes and even if you wanted you could have someone go with her when she takes him out

caris

thank you for your replies, for the last few months she has been having him stay over from a friday evening until the sunday afternoon, as stated she does have open access to him and we have only ever stopped her from having him once since 2002 and that was when she was meant to be having him stay with her during the holiday, but her friend turned up who was more important so she dropped him back to ours and went out with her friend instead and then expected to pick her son up when she got back!!!, we told her it was not happening and she got quite nasty over it.

Yes we do have parental responsibility but the court did leave her open access, so in theory we could say no to weekend stays but we dont want to allienate our grandson, we would not stop him having access to his mother, but we feel that she should respect our wishes and not put her son in such a difficult position.

caris

Zara33

Did the court remove the mother's PR?

Susan_Frost

Your grandson is only 10 years old. The only reason he is in a difficult position is that you are bringing him into your family feud. I would suggest it is unrealistic to expect her not to introduce him to her boyfriend and his family.

Are you saying he will be harmed by them? I dont think you are. It is just that you are against the brother (and probably for good reasons) but all he is doing is visiting and will see this man occasionally.

He is being asked to lie by his mother because you expect her to have him for a weekend but not be involved with her boyfriend's family. So what does she do if invited over. Say no, cos her son is visiting and his grandparents have issues with them ?? Honestly, I dont think it is realistic and your request is more likely to make her visit than not.

You may not like them, but he is just a kid, and should not even know the details of what has gone on.

If you leave well alone, her relationship may break down anyway, and if not then her boyfriend, brother of the one who let your family down, will be his step-father, the brother being his step-uncle.

You have massive influence over your grandson, and how he grows up, and he will meet many a misfit along the way. But he will have the personality that you have nurtured, so, please dont think he will be lead astray or pick up bad behaviour. Just bring him up to see right from wrong and have the courage of his own convictions.

Dont worry. I'm sure he will be ok.

p.s. not sure, is the child's mother your daughter or your daughter-in-law ?