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Given Up On Life/Relationships - Does this mean I am depressed??

Curlz
Posts: 2 Newbie
Am I the only one who feels like they can't be bothered with the fight to try and make themselves happy anymore?
I have been properly single for 2 1/2 yrs now which is the longest time for me in the last 10 years. I think I'm doing something wrong. All my girl friends are either engaged or in and out of relationships all the time, using men for money/sex, and they cant be single for more than 5 days. I feel like Ive lost the plot as I dont conform to this. I know this is really shallow but I like dark haired eye candy type of men, but to be honest I really don't have the confidence with men anymore to follow things up to get to a relationship level. I have only been on about 5-6 proper dates whilst being single which were all pointless. One guy even vanished when I went to the toilets of the cinema before the tickets of the film were bought. The stress is just too much now, and I just feel like avoiding everything. I set up a date with a nice guy recently but I let him down last minute (as I knew I probably would) as I just felt what is the point, and all negative. Avoiding things seem to outweigh the benefits in my mind.
I am spose to be going out tomorrow night with friends but I really cant be bothered to get all gorged up anymore. I feel like i want to push everyone away, including my friends. It feels like ive lost my fight to make myself happy anymore, which is really sad. Is this depression???
Also being made redundant 9 mths ago hasnt helped as I have to be a live in carer for an elderly relative, which is something I thought I would never ever do. I have been for interviews to get myself out of the situation but not been offered anything yet. I feel like giving up with even applying now.
Eeeeky ewwwww - have found typing this difficult. I look like sado. Does anyone even understand what I have just typed? lol
I have been properly single for 2 1/2 yrs now which is the longest time for me in the last 10 years. I think I'm doing something wrong. All my girl friends are either engaged or in and out of relationships all the time, using men for money/sex, and they cant be single for more than 5 days. I feel like Ive lost the plot as I dont conform to this. I know this is really shallow but I like dark haired eye candy type of men, but to be honest I really don't have the confidence with men anymore to follow things up to get to a relationship level. I have only been on about 5-6 proper dates whilst being single which were all pointless. One guy even vanished when I went to the toilets of the cinema before the tickets of the film were bought. The stress is just too much now, and I just feel like avoiding everything. I set up a date with a nice guy recently but I let him down last minute (as I knew I probably would) as I just felt what is the point, and all negative. Avoiding things seem to outweigh the benefits in my mind.
I am spose to be going out tomorrow night with friends but I really cant be bothered to get all gorged up anymore. I feel like i want to push everyone away, including my friends. It feels like ive lost my fight to make myself happy anymore, which is really sad. Is this depression???
Also being made redundant 9 mths ago hasnt helped as I have to be a live in carer for an elderly relative, which is something I thought I would never ever do. I have been for interviews to get myself out of the situation but not been offered anything yet. I feel like giving up with even applying now.
Eeeeky ewwwww - have found typing this difficult. I look like sado. Does anyone even understand what I have just typed? lol

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Comments
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Hi, I don't think you're a saddo and I don't even necessarily think you are depressed. What I think is that you have had a few knocks recently and you are finding things hard to deal with because of them. Of course you will dwell on the bad things, if you feel there is nothing good to look forward to. If you feel you want to push everyone away, including your friends, could it be because you feel you actually have nothing in common with them anymore? This sounds possible to me because you say that you don't conform with your friends, particularly regarding their outlooks on relationships. Can you talk to them about how you feel?
Being a carer is undoubtedly hard work, but I admire the fact that you are doing this. Have you contacted your local council/local charities to find out whether they have any carers groups/trips that you could go out on as a means of respite?
Can I ask how old you are? I'm 24 (and nice looking enough) and when I have been single in the past, I have rarely been on dates so I don't think you are doing too badly notching up 5/6 dates in 2 and a half years! If I were you I would go out tomorrow night, I think it would be good for you to concentrate on yourself and just have a good time, without looking for a man. Too many of my friends link their personal happiness to whether they're in a relationship or not and I don't think it's healthy. Hope you start feeling more positive soon. Good luck.0 -
Hi
I don't think you are a saddo one bit. Maybe you just do not want to follow the herd and be in a relationship for the sake of it. I totally understand the not wanting to get all dolled up either - I loathe dressing up and feel so artificial. I have never been a shopping girly girl, nails and hair etc. (Not that there is anything wrong with that of course).
In my view, this is a time when you could be celebrating your freedom to be you and you alone. I think society in general underestimates the joy of singledom and somehow implies that it is a temporary state which will be improved only by being in coupledom.
When I was single for about 10 years, it was the happiest most fulfilling experience of my life, not to mention the emotional freedom from having to compromise, consider someone else, which naturally has to be done in a relationship.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It would be different if you were someone who could only feel valued if you felt someone else wanted you. This is much sadder in my view. Cast off your feelings that you even should be bothered and revel in the fact that you don't need to be bothered by it all. It is your life after all. All the best. xGrocery Challenge £139/240 until 31/01
Taking part in Sealed Pot No.819/2011
Only essentials on Ebay/Amazon0 -
Thanks for your reply. I am 29 and 30 in Jan. I do have respite at weekends, where I'm able to do my own things. What you say is so true, personal happiness should not be related to being in a relationship constantly. Reading your reply has just made things lots better, thank you.0
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Sorry your not feeling great...just wanted to say that i do understand where you're coming from. I am a bit older than you but have been through a similar experience. 2 years ago my husband left me for someone else after 21 years of marriage! To say i was devestated is an understatement. I did go and see my Dr, and was prescribed anti depressants...for the first time in my life. Now at the same time i started a new job, which i absolutely love. I always think this job was heaven sent:A Now 2 years down the line i still haven't any interest in finding anyone else, but I feel as if I've found me! I came off the medication at the beginning of this year, and know i'm getting stronger all the time. The past can still upset me but i get over it more quickly these days.
My advice to you is to be happy with who you are, surround yourself with good friends and don't waste energy on negative issues that you can't change.Also maybe you could try and get any job to build your self esteem. And always make an effort to look amazing.(i'm over 40 and over weight:rolleyes:)
I look on it that if someone comes along and its meant to happen..it will. But if not i'm leading a good and full life, and i'm aware that there are many people in worst situations than me.
Hope thats not too much waffling and gives you some inspiration!Less is more0
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