Love Through 35 Years?

Mutter_2

Is it possible to love someone, though not having seen them for 35 years?

Every person throughout my life knows about this man, because he is the one man I've loved for 45 years.

He lives on the other side of the World and we've met again through email.

Why weren't we together? He Left to work abroad and asked me to join him. My Mother love her, put the emotional blackmail on and that was it. "No good daughter would leave her Mother."

He has been married for 30 years, I am divorcing after 21 years.

I have said that I want his wife to see anything I write. He has no idea how I feel, my email headings are "Old Friends" and does not know I am divorcing or that anything is wrong with my Marriage.
We talk about our children, pets and the town we shared our life in.
Through his business site I've seen his photograph, in fact I saw it before we talked. I would have walked past him without knowing him as of course he is old. God only knows what he'd think of me, luckily I have no picture on the internet.

If he said tomorrow, that he wanted no further contact, I could cope with that. After 35 years it would be the closing of a a good book, but we love talking.

There is no way we will ever meet again.
Is this all because my marriage is breaking up or perhaps I've never been happy as I only ever wanted to be with him?

DVardysShadow

There is a whole world of hurt in this for him. This is so Charles and Camilla.

Mutter_2

DVardysShadow wrote: »

There is a whole world of hurt in this for him. This is so Charles and Camilla.

I don't know if you meant to, but I laughed for the first time today. Thankyou.:o

DVardysShadow

Mutter wrote: »

I don't know if you meant to, but I laughed for the first time today. Thankyou.:o

Honestly, I thought I was putting my neck on the block to say it!

sarymclary

I am not sure if you love the man he is now, or are still in love with the memory of the man he was IYKWIM.

I don't know about you, but I'm a very different person to the one I was 35 years ago. The life I have lived has moulded me. Whilst fundamentally I probably have the same-ish sense of humour, and the same personality, there is no doubt that I have been changed by my experiences, and the people I have shared life with.

It sounds like he left and found a settled life, and I guess if you love him, you will be pleased for him to have had that.

There can only be a future for friendship here for you, and if you continue to maintain contact I think you should have that aim in mind. Otherwise I can only see this causing you heartache for unrequited love.

It is sad that you regret the decision you made, based on the blackmail of your mother. However, you have to see the positives, such as without that decision you wouldn't have your children, etc. The breakdown of a marriage is a very emotional time for anyone, and it does make you begin to reassess your life, and choices you have made. I admit that when I split from my ex, I did have a look on Friends reunited to see what a couple of my exes were doing. I suppose it's natural to look back at the familiar, rather than try to look forward into the unknown.

As for the Charles & Camilla scenario, frankly I never will approve of that relationship....

Mutter_2

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Honestly, I thought I was putting my neck on the block to say it!

Ha ha, Well firstly there are people here with a strong sense of irony. Never try irony on the comments in the Daily Mail Online I've had hundreds of thumbs down as they "don't get it".
As for Charles and Camilla? That could be the first 11 years of sharing my marriage with another woman.
I'm off to live my life ............. with a dog when I find one.
I can hear you Guffawing from here DVardysShadow.

fantasia322

DVardysShadow wrote: »

There is a whole world of hurt in this for him. This is so Charles and Camilla.

Charles are now married and all happy ever after even etc etc

newcook

I think we will always hold a torch for our first love - I know I do!! however, I also know is the 15 year old inside me that keeps it burning, not the 28 year old I am now.

we still keep in touch on facebook and message each other regularly but I know things would never work out if we got together (for starters he's recently got married!) because we are completely different people to what we were back then. we were young, we had fun, we had no responsibilities where as being adults we do!
as much as I know he will always be in my heart, I would never take it further than friendship even if he was single.

you have said this man is married - not seperated, not divorced - married. keep the friendship and the memories but dont take it further or you could hear your heart break all over again.

tandraig

well its so nice for charles - got camilla at last - but what a world of hurt for everyone else! even if you werent dianas greatest fan - how could she compete with charles' perfect woman? have lost respect for charles i hope he never becomes king - and gained respect for dianas boys - they seem to cope admirably and seem decent human beings.
as for being in love for 35 years - i remember some ex boyfs with fondness - but in love? no way - people change - met one from school a few years back (after nearly 40 years) and thought glad i didnt marry him!

Mutter_2

There is no way I want to get back with this man. Least of all, his life has been so much more succesful than mine. (Googled him) I could never cope, he is high profile and my life has been my child and animals.
Ah well. It's gone.
The daft thing is, when I decided to stay here and marry someone else it was because the love was a drifter who played Guitar in hotels and I thought chancing across the other side of the world against my mother's wishes was too risky.
There is a lesson here, please someone tell me what it is.

carlamagee

Mutter wrote: »

There is a lesson here, please someone tell me what it is.

Those that are in your past, are there for a reason.