husband's affair; what to do next?

KiwiRM

I recently posted about my husband's infidelity. I am very grateful for all the responses. I have been trying to get over this bombshell as well as settling myself and my children into a new country. I feel that it is just not working. I am pushing my husband further and further away because I am so angry with him.

I now have the opportunity to return to my home country, but I just don't know what to do. My children have settled here fairly well and although I am not happy, this was what I had originally desperately wanted to do, it is my husbands betrayal that is stopping me from being happy.

I would be very grateful for peoples opinions on what to do? I feel it would be so traumatic for my children to move back so soon (they are still reeling from the original move, missing friends and family etc) but I am so unhappy with my marriage and feel trapped.

Thanks for reading
Rebecca

jimexbox

Hi Rebecca

Your decision will have to be based on you believe your marriage has a future. Its a huge decision to to end a marriage and move back to your country of origin, but your happiness and that of your children should be your primary concern. I haven't read your previous thread, but it may be worth putting of the decision if you feel third party help such as that offered my relate would be of some assistant in saving your marriage, only you can be the judge of that, everyone is different.

Myself (speaking as a bloke with kids) infidelity would kill my marriage. As far as I'm concerned without trust there is no bond, no bond, no marriage. I know some couples that have managed to move on successfully after a partner has strayed, like I said some people can live with it, some can't. There is no point it letting it eat away at you year after year, which is how I would feel.

So you have to ask yourself, is this marriage savable? And do you actually want to save it? Good luck.

KiwiRM

Thanks for the response. I feel it really is eating away at me. I don't want to be near him, I am so angry and disgusted with him. I know for sure that if we were still back home I would have kicked him out by now. I am just so scared to put my children through the whole trauma of moving again (we would go back to nothing as we sold everything) I also am so bitter that this opportunity has been soured. I would love him to leave the house but we live in central London and we just can't afford another place for him. I believe the only way to leave him is to go home where I have a good support network, but I don't feel the kids would manage the move and the confusion, they both adore their Father.

jimexbox

Is staying in a unhappy marriage the 'best' solution long term for children? Children are extremely resilient and would I'm sure come to to terms with any couple splitting up. I would have serious doubts as to whether staying in a broken relationship is ever the best long term solution for children, however well intentioned.

I wouldn't make a snap decision, especially one based on talking to folk on the internet. Like I said the only question you need to answer (for yourself) is do we have a future? You only have one life, and it would be such a waste to live a large proportion of it in misery.

LJM

move back with your children if that is what it will take to make you happy,why make the children suffer for the rest of their childhood in an unhappy family home,this could leave lasting effects on any future relationships they may have.make the change now

whitewing

I read your other thread but can't remember the details. Is your husband from the same country as you? If so, in your situation I think I would move back with the children to your native country. If your marriage can be mended at some point (which would be difficult, but not impossible), I don't think it is going to happen here.

It's a huge betrayal anyway, but on top of that trying to deal with a new country must be impossible.

jamespir

i thinkyou should sit down with your husband explain how you feel get him to explain how he feels and then discuss how you can sort it out