fed up and need advice

momof2girls

...........

Butterfliesarepretty

I sympathise with you. I was married from 1990 till 2001 to a control freak, who mentally abused me and occasionally hit me. I had my daughter in 1998 and in 2001 we divorced with him blackmailing me using my daughter. So now she is 11 and settled with him. for me it was the best thing to do to get divorced as I got my self respect back and even though I lost out on money, mentally I feel amazing.

Four years ago he got married again, bought bigger house with wife no 2 and stepdaughter and now is in middle of divorce no 2 with the wife now winning back all the money she put in to the marriage and hous which she deserves as he controlled her too.

My daughter and her daughter suffered emotionally but are now better off. I would say fight your corner, protect your children despite the cost, and you once all over and done with you and your daughters will be far better off emotionally and be less stressed. Hope this helps.
Either change the locks or plan a day where the three of you can move out to safe accommodation.;)

Keeping_Motivated

It may help to speak to Womens Aid http://www.womensaid.org.uk/default.asp

Read the section 'About Domestic Abuse'. This might sound dramatic to think of womens aid but if he pushed your daughter to self harm then its bad enough.

Good luck

Pssst

You cant have this man threatening the children like this.

What happens to children when they are young,can often stay with them throughout their lives and affect them.

BitterAndTwisted

You've got daughter to raise, you won't lose the marital home until your daughter are old enough to be independent, so please don't worry about that and concentrate on how you are going to protect your girls physically and emotionally from this foul bully and Womens Aid is a fantastic place to start.

scrimpingbadger

My father was like this. When his mental abuse did not work on me he eventually threatened me with a knife. Your husband needs help and so do your daughters. My mother didn't believe us about my father (it never happened when she was around) but they eventually divorced anyway. She feels terrible now.
I came out of it relatively unscathed but I have to say my brother and sister have suffered the mental scars for years now.
If you want to carry on as a family then you need to sort out his temper. If not, be aware of the long term effects.
Take care.

Mojisola

Good luck and keep strong.

Pee

And speak to a solicitor so you know your legal position. You might find financially it would be better to divorce now than when the children are a little older.

Long term I'm not sure it's good for the girls to see that Dad tries to control and then Mum threatens him, so she gets control... it's not a great example of cooperation and compromise. It might be that he is just impossible to deal with in a normal way, but i think it would be better for them to witness a normal communication.

LJM

go to citizens advice for info i personally thought that you are entitled to the home with the children till they finished their education

Zara33

momof2girls wrote: »

Hi all
WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD????
im married for 12 years and now find myself hating him. Let me start at the begining. He has always been a bit of a control freak but over the last 2 years he has got a lot worse. He dosent try with me as i wouldnt take it, but he over controls our daughters 12 and 15, espically the 15yold. last year he had an argument with the 15yold (typical tidy your room stuff) and teenagers being as they are stomped off upstairs to sulk. He followed and threw her on her bed and got right in her face shouting. Now i was at the work at this time so didnt know about it till nearly 6 months later. Outcome was 15yold started self harming ( has stopped now) but he has got worse. Come home tonight from work to find both girls sobbing cause they cant take any more of his moods. Now i want to kick him out but dont want to lose the family home (i want the girls to at least have that stability). Money wise i work full time so bills are not an issue but the morgage is. There is no way i can afford the payments on my own, Has anyone been though something similar and can point me in the right direction to sort out my money worries. I have to say that ive come to a point where i dont know what end is up and needed to vent before i blew.
Thanks for listening.

How awful honey ((((hugs)))) ditch him, walk away start afresh and don't look back xoxo

busiscoming2

momof2girls hope you get things sorted, something has to give, you can't carry on just wondering when he is going to return to his old ways. Get rid.