Problem with dad please help

Alligg

I would be very grateful for any advice as i've had a really bad day.
My dad and I used to have a good relationship,over the years we have had problems mostly with my step mum,things got worse when he didnt come to my wedding,i've never had an explanation to this day.we are civilised when we do see each other but its not how it used to be.last weekend my step sister got married,my other 2 sisters were invited and I wasnt,he has now got a "family" photo up of all of them and according to a family member he did a very touching speech refering to his girls(my name wasnt mentioned) my other 2 sisters asked him about it and he said it was a slip of the tongue.
I refused to let it get to me in front of them but it has really hurt me.
Its my eldest sisters 25th wedding anniversary party in 2 weeks time and its a big party with loads of family,me and my partner are going but we have said we wont be staying at my sisters house with my dad and step-mum,I didnt want there to be a situation and spoil my sis's party.I thought as a suprise for them the family could chip in and arrange for some fireworks,I spent ages checking it was ok with the venue and looking for them on the internet.I then went round asking the family.mum said yes,midde sis yes,after 3 days of trying to get hold of dad(he had changed his mob no) he turned round and said he doesnt like fireworks and they are a waste of money,yet I know they paid for my step sis to have them for her wedding.he made me feel so stupid for suggesting it,next thing you know middle sis has dropped out so now we carnt do it at all as there is no way I can afford it without them.
I just wanted to do something nice for my sister.
I just dont know what to do when we go to the party,i'm so upset and angry with them but I dont want to spoil it for my sis,my partner is gobsmacked but angry too and he doesnt want to go.I dont know what to do for the best.

Alli

KK22_2

I think the best thing for you to do is go to the party for your sister, as from your post, I gather that she is not who you are angry or upset at. As hard as it may be, you should hold your head up high and be there for your sister. However, you could maybe explain to your sister how you may feel awkward etc and let her know that if you have to leave early (if you feel uncomfortable or upset) that it's nothing to do with her. I'm sure she'll understand and appreciate that you at least made the effort to go.

Sorry to hear you're going through this, doesn't sound like a nice situation to be in at all!

mountainofdebt

I have to agree with KK22 - its not your sister you're angry with ...its your dad.

with regards to the wedding, was there ever an explanation for you not being invited - it seems to be a snubb of mega proportions. Have you asked why your other sister has decided not to go ahead with the fireworks? I think I would need to know the answers to these questions - but I think you may have to wait until after your sister's party to find out.

BitterAndTwisted

I fully sympathise with you, I too have father who behaves like this but with us there has to be one out in the cold but there's no knowing which one of us it will be at any time.

I think the best you can do is to just gird your loins, hold your head up and behave like an adult, like there's nothing wrong. Somebody's got to act like a grown-up and sometimes it has to be the child. I hope you can do this for the sake of your sister's feelings although I appreciate it will be terribly hard. Just try and keep yourself on the other side of the room to your old man

pickle

He obviously thinks his behaviour will get to you and therefore he's at the centre of your attention. The best thing to do would be to go to the event and have a great time and ignore him.

Loopy_Lobes

pickle wrote: »

He obviously thinks his behaviour will get to you and therefore he's at the centre of your attention. The best thing to do would be to go to the event and have a great time and ignore him.

Totally agree! Be civil towards him for your sisters sake but he doesn't deserve any warmth. Make the most of the family you have that love and respect you, and forget about him.

busiscoming2

Agree wholeheartedly with pickle, I know it is hurtful and upsetting, but rise above it and have a brilliant time. Try not to even look at him!

emma12345

Definately go there for your sister if you can. And try to have a great time.

Go and even if you're not having the best time at least look as if you're enjoying yourself. That way it'll look as if you're not bothered and as the saying goes, a life well lived is the best revenge - Take my word for it, it annoys the heck out of those that are trying to get at you if they see you enjoying yourself despite their behaviour!

Try not to get too upset, some people may behave in a cruel way but it doesn't make you less of a person. Move on with your life and enjoy it and maybe the situation with your dad will sort itself out or not, either way you'll have a good life.

Alligg

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words.
I am determined to have a good time for my big sis's sake but I am going to avoid the others as much as possible.
Thanks again
Alli