Advice PLEASE - How do I tell my parents who wont understand???

japanesegirl

Realistically I think we are going to have to.

We spoke about it last night and my husband said the same that he thinks it is just too tight. Had we been able to make the first payment and gone into it without these extra bills then we could probably have managed but as it is we are on catch up all the time and still going backwards.

The only thing is that we should have started with our first payment on 1st April but we decided to get proper readings of our gas and electricity and this turned out to be over £600 in total so we had asked the CCCS last month if we could wait a month before making our first payment which we did.

We both feel we are not making any headway and on top of all this both stopping smoking, husband had to go on to Zyban and I'm doing patches.

Everything just feels so doom and gloom and dont feel we have anything to look forward to. During the summer holidays we are having to take 2 weeks off seperately to stay at home so that we can look after our sons (8 and 11) as we dont have anyone who can help us with them and cant afford childcare through the holidays and this in itself is making us miserable and then 11 year old starts big school in September and will need uniform etc. Again my parents have always bought all my sisters kids uniform and paid for their school trips!!!!

I know there are many many people worse off but right now its seems very hard.

Dibdab_2

I've been thinking about your situation a lot today since I read your post.

The only advice I can offer is to put yourself in your parents shoes - what if your daughter came home from uni and had got in the with wrong crowd - told you she was involved with drugs and had got herself pregnant? Would you say you wouldn't help her if you possibly could - she's your child and I'm sure you'd do anything you could.

What if when your sons got older they appeared to have made a success of their lives, but all the while they were struggling to get by day to day - wouldn't you want to help if you possibly could?

Fair enough, your sister seems to have really milked your parents for everything she could get from them, but they have given it freely because they love her, just like they love you. Would you really want to be in your sisters shoes? She might have had the money from your parents, but it doesn't sound like she's had a very nice life, however much of it was of her own making.

Maybe they are giving her the money to make themselves feel less guilty about something - it's not clear who your sister's biological parent is (the one that you both share), but it sounds like one or the other of them is blaming themselves for the way her life has turned out - perhaps your mum if she is giving her money that your dad doesn't know about.

It doesn't matter how old you get - you are still their child - would you reject your 47 year old son because you thought he should be able to stand on his own two feet or would you be grateful that you had brought him up to know you would love him and try and help him out whatever he did?

I hope it all works out for you, just go for it, the worst they can say is no, then you'll know where you stand for sure.

xx

Mrs_Optimist

I've just read this post - tell your parents! Your mum is probably aware of the situation already but doesn't want to embarrass you by raiing the issue first. I know if I was in her shoes I would feel really upset that my children didn't feel that they could come to me - I would help wherever I can. It has reminded me of an emotional conversation my hubbie had with his mum at Christmas - she is always bailing out his 2 brothers and even paid the deposit on their flat together (they bought together because they could not afford to buy separately) - we have never had a single penny from her - she even baulked at contributing 200.00 towards our wedding 8 years ago. BUT she was genuinely upset when my husband told her that he thought she was being unfair and treating them differently to him (she did and still does) - in her eyes she treated them all the same. The upshot is misunderstanding can occur and resentment can build if you don't openly talk to each other . I sincerely hope that it goes well for you.