Missy's must get rid of this debt diary!!

missymoo81

brrrr hve got into bed im so cold!!!! x

Shoe_Gal

Defo agree about not trying to do too much at once - I am prone to taking on too much and stressing myself out

Katy83

Hi Missy,

Sorry to hear you are feeling so stressed ((hugs)). I would definitely agree with btd, it sounds like you have so many balls in the air that you are stressing yourself out with it all. You definitely need to focus on yourself and OH.

Me and my sister were taking earlier about good advice we had been given, and she was saying one of the best bits of advice I have ever heard...think about the decisions which are facing you now and how you will feel if you do or don't in two years time. So, if you think (being truly honest with yourself) you will regret not having babies next year in two years time OR you will be happier staying at work then that is what you need to do. Make decisions slowly. These are life changing moments and they deserve to be given some true care and attention.

Right, losing weight, this is one I definitely know about (lost 6 and a half stone a couple of years ago and I've kept it off). I would be very wary of doing anything too drastic on day one. Cutting out carbs and doing a gym class is pretty hardcore...if you think about it like debt-busting, you don't change everything all at once. Why not say you'll go for a walk at lunchtime and have a carb free dinner? Or go for a swim after work and make sure you get in your 5 a day? Dieting is like a snowball effect, do one little thing at a time and then build on it. I do sympathise though, it's really really hard trying to get started, especially when you are feeling down about things. Why not get yourself out for a walk tomorrow even - even if it is just to the shops for a pint of milk, fresh air is fantastic therapy.

For the dress, if you do do the whole sleep on it thing and decide you still want then that's okay, sometimes you need a bit of a treat. Why not try and work out where you can save that £200 from the rest of your budget. Could you shave £10 a week from your food bill? Are you likely to get any money for Christmas you can put towards it? Could you sell some stuff on ebay (last year's dress maybe?) to help pay for it. If you really want it, you'll find a way to make it happen.

For the career stuff, is there any sort of part time course or evening class you could start? Is there no way you could think about starting your training now and then just take a break when you want maternity leave?

None of us are perfect, we all make mistakes and don't know the answers. One of the most important things to know is that you can't change everything all at once, you would only be setting yourself up fo a fall. But there are things you can change - one step at a time, one day at a time, one goal at a time. Have you talked to your OH about how you are feeling? It might help to let him in a bit to help you, or your family and friends?

You have come a long long way so far and you should be incredibly proud of yourself. Take a moment to stop and look at the road behind you and take heart from your achievments.

Hope you are enjoying the wine and blanket xx

Souk08

missymoo81 wrote: »

I just feel like I'm getting on a bit and havent achieved very much when others around me seem to be achieving so much...

x

Missy, beg, borrow or steal a copy of this months Marie Claire and read the thing about comparing yourself to others when everyone else seems so much more successful than you. It's ace and basically backs up what BTD says, YOU decide what YOU want and when you achieve it, that's YOUR success. It's easy to look at people and say 'oh they have XYZ' but you can never know the price they've paid to get it (and I don't always mean financially). You have to decide what works for you and OH and whether babies are a priority now or can wait til later and only you know that answer.

In the meantime enjoy the weekend and try not to panic. XXX

macgirl

Hey Missymoo :hello:
Just found your diary. Sorry to hear you're on a downer, but you are certainly not the only saddo in on a Friday night!
Take a tip from Flylady and just take "BABYsteps", with debt, with weight loss and all other decisions.
It's so easy to think of everything at once, get overwhelmed, then nothing gets done.

As for the dress.... Do you honestly need to spend £200 on a dress that you will probably only wear once?
Can you not customise something you already have or buy one off Ebay?
Don't get me wrong, I'm a fashionista (even work in the industry) but I cannot justify buying another dress this year.
I bought a real bargain last year £200 dress reduced to £50 and I had a £20 voucher, so £30:j!!!
So this year I'm adding a belt and not wearing a jacket - no one will notice and even if they do - who cares?!

I think what BTD said on her thread, is right; she's never been happier since she started her MSE journey. You don't need material things to make you happy or validated.

Also, a year is not a long time. It's good to have a goal down the road to aim towards.
So break down your goal into manageable chunks and you'll be there before you know it!
Babysteps

missymoo81

oh my goodness, what lovely people you are... taking the time to think about my problems and come up with solutions answers and advice... bless you you bring a tear to my eye.

I know what you're all saying is very true, I am trying to do so much, but I don't really know how to rectify it.... the weight loss issue, I think your right katy, as you would be having lost so much yourself, I think I need to try and cut down and just exercise more maybe not so much as once a day!!!

I'm looking to start my studies next year febuary, if the company I work for can actually sort their admin out so that my learning credits go in, that way I only have to pay for 10% of it.

The wedding next year is pretty much sorting itself as it's abroad so that's one less thing to worry about, apart from trying to save the money.

I guess what bothers me the most is I've always been fiercly independant hence why I don't mind so much that OH works away, but the thought of working part time and only earning part time money, is really worrying me... although I can't wait to leave my job as I hate it so much, and I know working part time is only for maybe three years tops until I can finish my degree. I just don't want to lose my independance and have to ask to have something. I have spoken to OH about it and he says don't worry we'll be fine, but I do worry.....

hmmmm.... will have to carry on thinking and try and come up with a plan I'll be happy with.

Thank you all so much again for your kindness, sorry to whinge on lol
xx

missymoo81

right just had a strict word with myself, and I can not afford to buy myself a £200 dress just because I like it, it's me that's got me into this mess with my debts and it can only be that gets me out of it, so buying ridiculously expensive dresses, is not going to help any. And I have seen a lovely one in BHS for £40 which OH can get me for christmas. sorted!!

Just been to tesco and spent £70!!!! As I have people coming round tonight, I really hope that the weather clears up, fingers crossed. But I got loads of offers on stuff that we will use anyway, and I will take at least half of it out of the grocery budget, I feel bad taking it all out of there as it is for my family gathering and we never have OH's family over.

I can't believe I've been awake since six, I should be having a lay in!!

Nevermind, have curry to make...... not sure how or what I'm doing with it but I'm sure it'll be fine!!!!

x

macgirl

:T:T:T Hey Well Done Missymoo! :T:T:T
You'll be so glad you didn't buy the dress, you'll look every bit as fangtastic (that was a genuine sp - but strangely apt :rotfl:) in the BHS one.
Hope you have a great night tonight x

Katy83

Glad you are having a bit better morning, we all have off days. That's why it's good to have a place like this to vent.

I second the getting up early thing, sometimes I wake up and have so much on my mind that I feel like I have to get up and start getting on. Well, that was the theory this morning but I've been sitting on the sofa watching buffy and saturday kitchen for the last 3 hours :rolleyes:

Hope you have a lovely evening tonight & enjoy your halloween party xx

Shoe_Gal

:j:j:j for Saturday Kitchen - but where is James today, not the same without him :rolleyes: