broody - help!

bugsaboo

Hi all
I have two children, a DD age 4 just started school and a DS aged 3. I work 4 days a week. Problem is - emotionally I really want no 3 but logically I think it's such a bad idea. Only just stopped paying crippling nursery bill and kids are sleeping through and well behaved etc. DH not keen on idea of a third. Plus had PND and probs with both births and don't want to go through that again.
So, thing is, how do I stop the broody feelings? I want another so much it makes me cry! also every month keep convincing myself I will miraculously get pregnant and thats also making me not as careful as I should be (with full knowledge of DH - am not planning on tricking him into a third!). Then I get stressed out thinking am I pg or aren't I then if I'm not clockwork I cry when I'm not pg.

Sorry this is a bit of a ramble - anybody got any tips to reduce the broodiness? will it go away eventually or am I stuck with it?

PS this is definitely money saving as baby 3 would cost a fortune!

claireac

I have 3 children ages 20, 18 & 3.

My eldest two are with xh, and I was broody after ds2 but got a puppy instead lol.

Now my dd has just started playschool and I'm def not broody! I was a while ago and just got over it. My friend has a dd the same age and was incredibly broody, but she's all but over it too.

I think it's one of those things that just passes, but what's helped me was thinking of all the things dh, dd and I (the boys have left home) could do that we wouldn't be able to afford to do if we had another baby. I work, so if we had another one that would be time off, broke, two lots of childcare and def no nice holiday!!! Plus I love being able to devote all my time to dd and dh.

Rummer

Bugsaboo reading your post was like seeing my feelings written down! I have one DD and have wanted to try for another baby for years. After a tricky pregnancy, PND and complications my OH is really against the idea. I too wait with bated breath every month but alas no joy! A lot of my friends and work colleagues are expecting and my family and DD are desperate for me to have another.
Although I occasionally burst into tears I have been trying to think about what I have and how happy I am now. That doesn't really help but hopefully it will over time.

weezl74

bugsaboo as you look back at other important decisions, are you most satisfied with the ones your heart made or the ones your head made?

I am a heart decisions person, I have good friends who are head decisions people. I guess if you can work out which one you are it might make things clearer?

If you aren't sure, there are some useful personality tests Like MBTI(myers-briggs) which might help you work it out.

HTH,:D

Weezl x

milliemonster

I think this may have a lot to do with the fact that your first child has started school. I went through the same thing when my son (my second child) started school (he was only 6 months old when my dd started school so was still a baby himself then) and was incredibly broody for a good year or so but hubby was dead against it and has continued to be so.

Now I am no longer broody in the slightest, my kids are 10 and 6 and I am so glad I didn't have another and could now not think of anything worse than having another baby!, I adore my kids to bits and would never be without them but am so glad the 'baby' part of my life is now behind me, but I am not sayng this is the right decision for you.

I think you have to question why you want another child? you already have a dd and a ds so consequently can't get anything different lol! this was my dh's reason and consequently the impact of having another child on our finances would seriously impact our current family's standard of living.

Sometimes it can be that you spend so long looking forward to having a family and then when you are imboiled in the pregnancy/baby era along with your friends you want to stay part of that circle and can't quite come to terms with the fact that those days may be behind you and your kids are now growing up, that is hard to deal with or it was in my case.

I know some people will say 'all kids need are love at the end of the day' so money shouldn't come into it but I disagree with this, most parents want to give their kids a good standard of living if they can and provide opportunities throughout their lives, this unfortunately costs money, as does food, clothing, birthdays and xmases, school uniforms and trips, holidays, hobbies the list goes on and on, yes a lot of this is not essential but it's nice to give our kids these things if we can.

This was the main reason I reluctantly decided not to try for a third, my other two would have 'suffered' in many ways.

I am very grateful for the fact I have 2 fantastic healthy children, having another would not enhance our family anymore, but at the end of the day it's a very personal decision

mrcow

Have you thought about getting a dog? or other pet to care for.

BitterAndTwisted

I dunno, sometimes I think we can get "hooked" on the idea of nurturing when the person who needs the nurturing is ourself. Babies are so lovely and adorable in their helplessness but toddlers and young children are so much more interesting imo but they are much, much more demanding. Sometimes two is the right number and spreading yourself between three can be tougher than you'd imagine.

Spendless

I had a very similar experience to milliemonster. I was broody for a few weeks. This was also not long after my eldest started school and several mums at the school who had a boy and a girl like me, went in for their planned third. This sounds really dopey now, but at this point I'd never thought that people with one of each had a planned third, I had thought 3rd children were accidents, cos you were hoping for the opposite sex or cos you were with a new partner.:o:rotfl:. These mums being pregnant set me off wondering about another child and I was curious what we'd get next.

I mentioned my broodiness to my DH who said 'if you want' but he was quite happy with 2. We had a holiday planned for 9 months time which I had no wish to be pregnant on so we couldn't start trying and several weeks later the feelings had vanished.

In hindsight I know that we'd have struggled with another one. It would have meant another c-section(medical reasons), we'd have had to build an extension or moved house (bigger mortgage) or had less space. The family support I had has reduced over the years (old age/ill-health) and my husband is working longer and longer hours.

How long have you felt broody for?

mrcow

Spendless wrote: »

In hindsight I know that we'd have struggled with another one. It would have meant another c-section(medical reasons), we'd have had to build an extension or moved house (bigger mortgage) or had less space. The family support I had has reduced over the years (old age/ill-health) and my husband is working longer and longer hours.

I can second that!

Having our third child has cost much more in real terms than having our second.

It's lots of things but they really add up.

eg. We extended the house
We bought a bigger car (as three car seats wouldn't fit safely in the old one)
We can't go on normal holidays without booking 2 rooms between us which costs a fortune.
etc.


And that's just the money side of things. Let alone the time factor.Spreading yourself between three is always a challenge. I never seem to be able to get what I'd really like done with each of them in turn.

LJM

well i have 2 girls 8 and 5 and i have been broody since the second i had my second child,it has never gone away but partner doesnt want anymore he thinks 2 is enough

Krystaltips

I was discussing similar with a friend of mine a while ago... I absolutely dislike being pregnant and giving birth... The first 3 months of my newest daughters life are a bit of a black hole for me and I really wouldn't want to do it again... In fact I was happy enough after one, but I had to give him the chance of a boy lol... He's still keen on a third and I am absolutely not...

My friend had a girl and a boy and was incredibly broody for a 3rd... She had a second daughter and told me that as soon as the third baby arrived she knew her family was complete....

Maybe there is a way to squash the feelings... Or maybe you just know when your family is complete?