Don't know whether to change DD1's school or not - advice needed

Jo_R_2

I have a dilemma and I'm half-and-half over what to do.

We recently moved across the city and thus moved DD1 from her reception class to a different school. The school she moved to wasn't my first choice; it is a good school but quite a way away so involves me and kids driving down to school to drop her off then back in car to drive to DD2's nursery school which is a way in the opposite direction but the only one I could get DD2 into when we moved.

Primary admissions phoned me yesterday; a place is available for DD1 at my original first choice if we want it. This would be good practically for a number of reasons: it's walking distance from our home and DD2's nursery, and as we're in catchment for it, DD2 will have a place there for next September when she starts, so easier than taking two kids to two different schools. The prospective school is also excellent and DD1's old teacher highly recommended it. I also like the idea of having a more local network for DD1, although this is a lesser reason iyswim.

On the flip side I'm obviously worried about the upheaval again for DD1 if we were to move her. Her dad thinks it would be too much and I worry about that too. The emotional side is what makes me think it would be better to keep her where she is; her and DD2 might end up at different schools but it's not impossible to manage. I could apply for DD2 to go to the same school as DD1; however DD1's current school is popular and as we're out of catchment it's unlikely she'd get a place.

It would certainly make my life a lot easier which is somewhat selfish from that perspective; but at the end of the day it's not going to be DD1's dad or OH that is going to be taking DDs to school (or two different schools) and thinking ahead as am hoping to go back to full-time study, it would be great if things were as simple as possible regarding schools... Also now we've put down roots here, we're not planning on moving anywhere else. Another minor thing is that DD1's school feeds into a secondary that is extremely popular and we wouldn't get her in there so it would end up having to move her away from her friends at the age of 11 rather than now and I figure now would have less effect (I'm just speculating here...)

I just can't help thinking it's too much to expect for DD1 to move her again so soon and worry about her worrying, being nervous and in that respect just want to keep her where she is where she's getting used to. I'm torn between both options and unsure what to do - does anyone else have any experience and what did you do, or has experience as a child of being moved between schools?

tandraig

is she a 'nervy' child? or does she take things in her stride. I would base my decision here on DDs best interests. the only experience i had of changing schools was when my son was bullied at his comp and i moved him to another where he was much happier.

juliescot

Personally I would move her back.

Two children in the same school (ultimately)
Location of school
Good reports of school
Logistically easier
Better local networking (that sounds horrible but I know what I mean)


When the time comes for a move to secondary things might have changed.
Not all kids from one school go up to the same one so I think it might be less of an upheaval than you imagine

Pee

Where I grew up, you didn't get much choice between schools - in a rural area, the next one along is just too far away.

I don't think it's selfish to move her so that life is easier for you, and with work or study, taking children in two different directions seems crazy to me - and not money saving... unless you are walking!

Marcheline

Although I'd want to move her too in your position, I really do think it depends on the child. If she is quite a gregarious confident child, then from what you've told us I would definitely move her to the other school. If she was more introverted and the move seemed a big upheaval for her, then I woudl be thinking twice. That said though, kids are quite resilient, but if I honestly thought my child would be upset, then I might not send her to the other school. Should point out that I've no experience of this myself as my DD is only 2, but moving her does seem the more practical thing to do, if not necessarily the best emotionally, iyswim.

warehouse

She's very young so will quickly adjust. Other than a slight upheaval for your daughter it has so many positives that to me it's a no brainer.

We moved 3 years ago and my then 5 dd year old was in tears knowing she'd have to leave her year 1 teacher. She wrote to her and the teacher wrote back wishing her good luck at her new school and that she'd soon have loads of new friends etc etc. Things were much better for her after that and she still has the letter. Our then 8 year old dd had to move into the middle year at a middle school, obviously she had many more regular friends to lose and new ones to make so I thought it would be very difficult for her and I worried a lot about it. How wrong I was, the 8 year old loved the new school and friends from day 1.

Good luck.

Jo_R_2

Thanks for the responses.

I was convinced people would say I was utterly selfish and to keep her where she is now. I know some of my reasons are but they do tie into everyday life iyswim?

The local network juliescot is something which although not a major factor, is important. For example, we had a great neighbour across the road where we used to live, who we knew as her son was in the same class as DD1. We became friends and used to help each other out with the kids, eg we'd take her son to school with us if she was running late for work, she'd take DD1 to school when I was feeling poorly being pregnant, and we'd go round to each other's houses so the kids could play after school. Also DD1 had other friends' parents who we had a similar relationship with and although it's not a central issue, I'm not actually from here where I live and I loved having that community feel, both for me and the kids, and would love that again.

DD1 is an outgoing child, she's serious but very chatty and interested in people both grown up and her age. I think in the short-term she'd be a bit nervous and unsure, which is completely normal, but I don't have any doubts that she'd settle longer-term.

galvanizersbaby

Wasn't this the outcome you were hoping for when you have posted before re DD's schools/nurseries?

I would move your DD to the preferred school if they have a place for her.
Will be better for all concerned in the long run.

I did similar with my son (though he had only just started age 5 in reception)
He only managed 3 months at his first school before a place came up at my school of choice which was also the nearest (I was having to pay a childminder to take him to the other school as I didn't drive at the time and there was no public transport)

He was fine and it all settled down quickly - now DS and DD are both at the same school which is a big bonus certainly as far as the school run and work is concerned.

Jo_R_2

Yep galvanizersbaby so in principle ideal.

I'm about to phone the school to arrange a visit, and just spoken to DD1's dad and he's open to the idea if the school will benefit her - ie wants me to view it first which makes sense so am going to sort that out and take it from there.

choccymoose

When I was 9 we moved from an authority that had the middle school system into an authority that had the primary, secondary system. The village we moved to had a school that had 70 pupils total, I was used to 500 +, so refused point blank to go there, as I felt that it would not be right for me and very difficult to make friends, my parents took my views on board and allowed me to go to the school in the next village away which had 200 pupils. It was the biggest mistake we could have made as the children local to my village thought I had snubbed them (which I probably had) and it was difficult to make friends in my village, but it was also difficult to socialise with my school friends as i lived a number of miles away, then when it came to secondary school I had to go on the school bus with our village children and again it was a struggle to make friends, the secondary school also put me in a tutor group with some of the village children, rather than the school friends I already had so found my first year at secondary quite isolating.

I would definately say that the networking part of a childs life in primary school is important and something to be taken into account. Fortunatley I turned out ok though, although interestingly not in contact with any of my school friends from my village.

xxvickixx

As a child I attended 5 different infant schools due to parents job relocations. I was always quite shy and find making friends hard, but I was never lonely or sad as kids that age are quite welcoming to new kids I found.

Have you spoken to your daughter and asked how she feels?