role for step dad

kelda_shelton

Maybe if you sat down and really explained your feelings to yor partner and to his family they will realise how much this is upsetting you and move the obstacles and let your step dad be an usher and/or do a reading.

rachfriar78

Can you not sit down with all family members involoved and explain how you feel and see if you can all come to a joint decision as not to put anyone out. I know it would be really difficult but it could be an answer. It really nice that you care enough to want to involve your step dad.

kelda_shelton

Oh and FYI - I can understand how hard this all is for you and how stressful and tearful you get.

My Mum is walking me down the aisle - which I'm tootally happy about and I would not have had it any other way.

I had to tell my dad he was not invited. I didn't want him there tbh it would have been far too awkward and i wanted this to be a happy and stress-free day (and in fact originally I thought no I'm notgoing to have any hulabaloo round the wedding because of that exact akwardness but then I realised I did actually want that special day about us, as did my partner)

Its a very long personal story around the reasons for not wanting my dad to be there that I do not want to get into - but it was still very difficult to write that letter letting him know.

I offered a concilitary meet with him before our wedding so he could meet my partner (we've been seeing each other for 3 & a half years & living together for almost 2 but since I see my dad for lunch once a year if lucky and have minimal contact via email he'd never met him) and when a family member - not my Mum she has been nothing but supportive of my decisions - found out that i was even meeting him for lunch a few days before we were due to meet .. I had not volunteered the information to spare their feelings .. they went off their rocket at me and I was in tears for about 4 days - as if I wasn't stressed enough about the whole meet up as it was!

So I can understand your pain, and I really hope it all sorts itself out.

zzzLazyDaisy

Just a thought, could your step-dad walk you halfway down the aisle and give you to your dad, who can then give you away?

Or maybe you could have an extra reading, so he does the first one and the girls do the others? Or could one of the girls be matron of honour and take your bouquet from you, so SD can do one of the readings?

Or maybe SD can propose the first toast?

rosie-lee

It would be lovely if your stepfather could come forward with the rings and give them to each of you.

The exchange of rings is a very symbolic moment. Couples often choose their children for instance.

I can assure you that if the 'best man' is also a witness, there is no reason why he should have the rings.

That way both dads play a special part.

rosie-lee

OR your stepdad could walk you down the aisle but include in your ceremony, a little later on
'who gives this woman to be married to this man' ?
then your natural dad can come forward, shake the grooms hand, give you a little kiss and place your hand in the grooms ready for your vows.

That would work quite nicely. Speak to your celebrant/priest

zzzLazyDaisy

Maybe you could have two 'best men'?

When it comes to exchanging rings, OH's best man can give him your ring to give to you, and SD can give you OH's ring to give to him.

chatnoir

starting to have seconds thoughts now....I dont even know if he is even bothered about being in the wedding party! So confusing when it comes to step families....he has his own children so don't even know if he sees me as his "daughter"

zzzLazyDaisy

Well, in that case, I suggest the first thing to do is to have a word with your mum. She may say that SD is happy to take a back seat on the day - or she may have a suggestion about how to include him.

Whatever you do, DON'T let it get out of proportion. This is YOUR day.

Stephb1986_2

I don't think for a minute that he wouldn't see you as one of his own I know that from my own step dad, he has 1 biological daughter who is a complete cow and I have a brother who is a complete cow too and he says that I'm the best one out of the lot of them.

Perhaps he's not acting like he's bothered because he doesn't want you stressing too much over what part you can give him on your special day.

Familys are very very weird things we cant pick them can we.

Steph xx