DFW Saboteurs

Imelda

Hi all,

Do you find that no matter how hard you try there are always things/ people that sabotage your best efforts?

For example, this month I have made a budget for everything I can think of and put a little aside for car service and MOT. My OH owed me £40 for something I bought over the internet for him. This weekend we were staying with relatives and I was well within the £20 budget. We popped into town for a wander round and coffee and I saw a skirt I liked but was disappointed to see it was £45. The old me would have bought it anyway but I said to the OH, no I can't afford it and walked on by. I got a phonecall and while my back was turned, he bought it and said that's ok I owe you £40 anyway. That's soooo frustrating, the £40 was already earmarked to pay off the credit card and so I have had to take it out of my "spending" money meaning I have to tighten the budget for the rest of the month. I know he was being kind and I didn't have the heart to tell him off but really, £45 for a skirt! I could have had a whole new wardrobe from primark for that!

Sorry for the rant but I just don't know what to do when things like this happen, it really puts me off track and then I think, why the hell bother? How does everyone else cope with things like this?

lynzpower

Imelda I know exactly what you mean.

OH owes me a bit of money due to him temping theres no way it can come back to me in one hit, so its dribs & drabs. Hes been earning much less recently due to bank holidays, so I said, leave it for now, but when you are back in the swing of things, you can give me a fiver/ tenner a week but pay it direct to my credit card ( already cut up) from your online banking.

Everynow and again he suggest things like "i can pay for this with some of the money I owe you" ( which I know his finances, he wouldnt be able to afford various things like that anyway) and I have to go NO, pay it to my credit card! His lightbulb isnt as bright as mine though.

So Ive told him im not accepting any of the money back in cash, its to my barclaycard only!!! I think hes got the message!

Glitterari

Awwwwwwwww, bless him for trying though. Some men can never do anything right, eh?

Maybe you could take it back and get a refund (not a credit note).

by the way - does he understand what you are trying to achieve? And are you singing from the same hymn sheet if you know what I mean?

C xx

ms_london

The thought was sweet though wasnt it? Could you take the skirt back & use the money for the credit card as planned? And just explain to him that if you still like the skirt you will buy it for yourself next month but this month the money was earmarked for X,Y,Z.

I must admit that its easier on the DFW journey if you are single, as the only person that can sabotage your efforts is you, although there are always friends/family inviting you to places and trying to get you to spend money...

Unless your OH always does this I would just put it down to a sweet gesture. Mind you, the money was yours in the first place so perhaps its not quite so sweet since you paid for it, hehe!! Bless!!

snoozer

Would he notice if you took it back and didn't tell him. I don't hink my OH would. He sometimes asks me if an item I'm wearing is new when it's 10 years old (and worn frequently)!

Imelda

I know it is sweet, he always buys me things and I have told him to stop, it's my mess and I have got to get myself out of it! He has been very good up until this weekend, he loves his trips away at weekends and since I have explained my financial problems we have swapped them for trips to relatives and camping (he is more MSE than me, he has even got a camping stove and plans on cooking dinners on it). He earns lots more than me but I still wouldn't use that as an excuse for him subbing me all the time.
Must get my account set up on his internet banking so he can transfer cash he owes me rather than paying for things.
Re: The skirt, I can't take it back, it was bought in a small shop in Wales, I'm in London and it was bought on his card so I would need him to do it. It would really upset him to know he was causing me problems, he still blames himself for my current debt. I know I should have done it at the time, fingers crossed my car sails through its MOT!

isgman

As "Just a Man"... we do get it right sometimes... or so I am told...
now I think I will go to my room and try and work out what I have done wrong today...LOL

Imelda

hi snoozer,

I'm afraid he would notice, he's a "new man" for want of a better description, notices everything and is rather fastidious with his clothes.

Taking this into perspective, I can see he meant well, I have very few summer clothes (result of putting on a few pounds, well ok 7) and was probably being a grumpy mare at the weekend because of it! Will take this as a blip and be encouraged to lose those lbs!! FFW thread here I come...

scottishspendaholic

Hi Imelda,

There are lots of sabateurs around aren't there - some maybe not as blatant as yours. All my friends know that i am saving to pay off debts and being very frugal (it's a bit of a running joke ) but still suggest meeting in Starbucks (£3 for a coffee - are you mad :eek: !) or they don't understand that I live many miles out of the city and it always costs me petrol/train fare to get in and out of town.

Grrr - good luck with the £40 challenge! I know he was beig sweet (what a lovely man) but to recoup at least some of the money, could you shave a bit off your joint food budget (if you live together)? Ie just have freezer stuff/do a storecupboard challenge for a week or so?

scottishspendaholic x

LookingAhead

Awww, what a sweetheart for doing it....but I can understand you "mentally" slapping your forehead and thinking "Nooooo!".

Maybe you could have a talk and explain that this must be the last time and then you can refer to it as "Skirt-Gate" or something if ever you need to remind him of your goals!

Have you set up the internet account thing yet...? If not, maybe you could do it now, whilst it is fresh in your mind......

Good luck! Give him a big kiss from all of us...he does sound like a honey!

oops_a_daisy

awwww Imelda - the thought was there bless him. What about asking him to make it a birthday or christmas pressie and still give you the money that you were planning to pay off the credit card ? just a thought. Fingers crossed for the MOT LOL