Who To Complain To Re: Preschool

PrincessPlaty

DD2 had her first day at preschool today and as i left i wasn't exactly confident at leaving her.

Before anyone suggests that it is because it was her first day away from me i can assure you that is not the case she has been left before with friends, childminders etc and we have both been fine.

My ex partner my childrens father was physically, emotionally, verbally and financially abusive towards both myself and the children.
The first time he raised a hand to one of the children was the day that i left, this was in Jan 07. DD2 was just 6 months old.

For the past 2 and a half years we have travelled all over the country trying to avoid him and each time he has managed to find us, i have had something happen in each home that i have lived in from having my house broken into and trashed to having my house set on fire to being physically attacked in the street. We have spent a lot of this time in and out of womens refuges. In June this year i decided enough was enough if i was going to continue running from him and he was finding me then what was the point? I may aswell go back to where i am from where all my friends are because that had to be better than being somewhere else new where i didnt know the area and didnt know anybody.

So thats what i did with all my friends support i moved back to the area just outside where i am from. Im not going to run anymore but obviously im being extra pre cautious, there is an anti molestation order in place and he is not allowed contact with the children unless he goes through court, which he has never bothered to do. I have changed all of our names by deed poll.

There have been a couple of instances since we moved back he found out my phone number (which has since been changed) and i have received messages from his brother, his new girlfriend and him himself all have been of a threatening nature which have all been reported to the police.

When taking DD2 to preschool this morning i tried to speak to the manager about it whilst she was going through the regsitration forms she came to the section of 'Parents that dont live with child' which i had left blank (on advice of a solicitor) gave them a copy of the anti molestation order and she proceeded to start writing his name all over the form :eek: Everytime i tried to speak and tell them the importance of the fact that it will only ever be me picking her up they cut me off mid sentence, never letting me speak.

I left her there and spent the morning crying my eyes out, sick to the bottom of my stomach.

All that is going through my head at the moment is what if someone who works there knows him or knows a member of his family all it is going to take is for them to see his name on the form and her first name and they then have access to all our information address, telephone number, new names etc. I know the chance is very slim but there is still that small chance there which could put both me and my children at serious risk.

With DD1 her school have been absolutly fantastic listened and took in everything that i said made me an appointment so that i could explain it personally to her class teacher so that she received it as first hand information, even asked me if i could provide a photograph of him for them to put up in the school office so that they could be on guard if he was to approach etc. I am confident leaving DD1 in school.

But with DD2 I just dont feel the same way.

She has only just turned 3 so she doesnt need to be there though i know it will do her good but she does have a fair amount of children outside of a school setting who she interacts with so she gets to socialise in that respect anyway. She could also start at DD2's school from September next year.

I was just wondering if there is anybody that i could complain to with regards to them not listening to what i was saying and potentially putting us all at risk it seems ridiculous that i have worked so hard and come so far for it all to be put back to square one because someone didn't have time to listen to what i was saying.

Im really not sure about sending her back tomorrow at all neither when i turned up her face was very pale and her cheeks were red as though she had been crying, they gave me no idea as to how she got on during the morning at all. She smelt of poo and when i checked her bag with change of clothes, nappies etc it hadn't even been opened.
She did say she had a good day though.

Am i over reacting?

caevans

Poor you, what an awful situation. All I can say is trust your instincts - if you don't feel happy with nursery, then don't leave her there. Did you check care commision reports to see if the nursery gets good rating? Sorry I can't help you anymore than that, but just wanted to give my support :-)

amandada

Given what you've detailed about what you've gone through, I don't think you're over-reacting.

Howeverrrrrrr, rather than going with the "flight" instinct (which is totally understandable) would it maybe be worth phoning the nursery and making an appointment with the manager, so that you can have a proper chat about WHY it's so important that the information re your dd's father isn't entered onto any record system.

If you do it via an appointment then the manager won't, well shouldn't, be trying to do anything else like dealing with forms, children coming in to nursery etc. If you can set up an appointment, do you have someone you can take with you to "hold your hand"?

I can totally understand you wanting to just pull your daughter out of the nursery, but then that's letting him have control over you all over again.

I'm sorry if I'm talking out of a hole in my head, I don't have direct experience but I hope you can find a way through this

lynzpower

Yes there is.

You need to speak to the Head of Child Protection within your borough. Faiiling this, try to speakto the Child protection team within the police. Clearly, if the anti molestation order is breached, then the police would be involved.

You might only get through to the PA, but still try as hard as you can to speak to the head of CP at your council.

Clearly there is a massive training need here. However, what it fcould be is to put Xs name on the system so if he turns up saying he is LOs dad, then they can run that through the system see the AM order and keep him away.

However, If one of the staff do blab around where you live, that is a breach of the DPA and you sohuld ask the INfo Commissioner what can happen there. I know breach of DPA can get quite serious, and people haveended up in a lotta hot water for this.

In terms of whether she had been changed, did you speak to them about whether they would change her. there was discussion about this the other day on here to see what schools/ nurserys etc do about changing esp in the light of potty training, children being at nurseries earlier, and for longer etc. Maybe try to do a search -

I dont think you are overreacting about the data stuff. At the end of the day you should be listened to. Your story is the most important here and if the staff cant be arsed to listen to you, then I woiuld suggest that in itslef will place any child at risk ( as they dont know what the risks are IYSWIM)

xxxx

mummy_Jay

Your not happy and it sounds like they are not taking the risk to your child seriously. It's not worth it, is there another pre-school in the area.

Personally I wouldn't have given them anything naming the father, when it comes to my DS.

I would also go there today and demand they return all the information they have taken from you and all copies. Watch them delete it aff the computer and make it clear to them, that if this abusers finds your child you will be taking them to court over it. If you can see the owner rather than the manager or if its a national log a complain with its main branch.

YOU ARE NOT OVER REACTING!!! This is your child, we do what you need to keep them safe.

galvanizersbaby

lynzpower wrote: »

Yes there is.

You need to speak to the Head of Child Protection within your borough. Faiiling this, try to speakto the Child protection team within the police. Clearly, if the anti molestation order is breached, then the police would be involved.

You might only get through to the PA, but still try as hard as you can to speak to the head of CP at your council.

Clearly there is a massive training need here. However, what it fcould be is to put Xs name on the system so if he turns up saying he is LOs dad, then they can run that through the system see the AM order and keep him away.

However, If one of the staff do blab around where you live, that is a breach of the DPA and you sohuld ask the INfo Commissioner what can happen there. I know breach of DPA can get quite serious, and people haveended up in a lotta hot water for this.

In terms of whether she had been changed, did you speak to them about whether they would change her. there was discussion about this the other day on here to see what schools/ nurserys etc do about changing esp in the light of potty training, children being at nurseries earlier, and for longer etc. Maybe try to do a search -

I think that discussion (if I remember the right one as there are so many ) was more relating to school age children - with a child that has just turned 3 I would hope that no nursery/preschool (or whatever it get called which seems to depend on where you live) would not hesitate to change a child's nappy - hopefully it happened near picking up time and was just a case of not being detected

I dont think you are overreacting about the data stuff. At the end of the day you should be listened to. Your story is the most important here and if the staff cant be arsed to listen to you, then I woiuld suggest that in itslef will place any child at risk ( as they dont know what the risks are IYSWIM)

I agree, I don't think your over reacting at all under the circumstances - I would ask to meet with the manager separately and ensure you get your point/concerns across in very clear terms!

Good luck

PrincessPlaty

It has happened before with the DPA issue through the hospital his mother works for the NHS and she accessed our records and passed on our address to him, but nothing could be proved that she had done this so nothing further came of it.

Im still sat here crying at the moment i really feel that they have jeopardised our safety because even now though the children are here with me, sat in that building somewhere is her registration forms with all our details on and his name in bright red pen (so its not like it doesnt stand out compared to the rest :rolleyes: ) which someone could see, consequently putting us all at risk.

I will try ringing them this afternoon thanks lynz

On this issue of them changing her they actually got me to sign a form this morning so that i gave my permission for them to change her, i did ask them when i first went to look at the preschool if it would be a problem as she was still in nappies and they told me not at all Maybe it was a case of she had just done it and they hadnt noticed i dont know

There isnt another preschool really not close enough to DD2's to get DD1 there on time anyway. It wouldnt be an issue for me or her keeping her at home for another year she is quite happy pottering about the house with me anyway :rotfl:

I was actually advised by a solicitor to give copies of the anti molestation order to schools etc so they were aware of it and they could call the police if anybody turned up so i didnt really get much choice to giving his name as it is on the order itself.

I did ask her when she started writing on the name of the form not to but apparently it wasnt done properly if it wasnt there :mad:

I know the risk is so small i just cant take that risk however small it is, i cant do it all again not anymore we have been through so much and i dont want to put the girls through anymore than i really have to

galvanizersbaby

PrincessPlaty wrote: »

It has happened before with the DPA issue through the hospital his mother works for the NHS and she accessed our records and passed on our address to him, but nothing could be proved that she had done this so nothing further came of it.

Im still sat here crying at the moment i really feel that they have jeopardised our safety because even now though the children are here with me, sat in that building somewhere is her registration forms with all our details on and his name in bright red pen (so its not like it doesnt stand out compared to the rest :rolleyes: ) which someone could see, consequently putting us all at risk.

I will try ringing them this afternoon thanks lynz

I think you should do this asap and get an appointment set up with the manager so you can explain your concerns properly - I see why your so worried - she may be able to reassure you - I hope so - really feel for you x

On this issue of them changing her they actually got me to sign a form this morning so that i gave my permission for them to change her, i did ask them when i first went to look at the preschool if it would be a problem as she was still in nappies and they told me not at all Maybe it was a case of she had just done it and they hadnt noticed i dont know

Hopefully you are right and this was the case

There isnt another preschool really not close enough to DD2's to get DD1 there on time anyway. It wouldnt be an issue for me or her keeping her at home for another year she is quite happy pottering about the house with me anyway :rotfl:

I was actually advised by a solicitor to give copies of the anti molestation order to schools etc so they were aware of it and they could call the police if anybody turned up so i didnt really get much choice to giving his name as it is on the order itself.

I did ask her when she started writing on the name of the form not to but apparently it wasnt done properly if it wasnt there :mad:

I know the risk is so small i just cant take that risk however small it is, i cant do it all again not anymore we have been through so much and i dont want to put the girls through anymore than i really have to

I hope you can get it sorted Princess - you sound so worried and and I can understand why x