80th Birthday

northwest1965

My Dad was 80 last year and we had a family meal out, we all paid for ourselves and paid for M&D.
My mother is 80 in October and we're having a family meal again, however its my Dad thats organising it. He initially said he would pay as it was just close family. However its now turned out to be 25plus:rolleyes:. (Step grandchildren & grandchildrens partners). Now I spoke to my Dad about us all paying for ourselves and he admitted to me, yes its going to be a big bill! He doesnt really want me to say anything to my 3brothers and 2sisters as he feels like its begging:rolleyes:.

Do you think I should email all siblings for their point of view? (I know a couple will be more than happy of a free lunch!!)
I'd much rather we do the same for Mum and then M&D can use the money they would have spent on a short break

springclean

i would definitely speak to your siblings, tell them it was a kind offer but it's spiralled out of control with numbers and dad is struggling at the thought of the bill, but won't admit it. ask them what they think you should all do? i.e. give them the bullets to fire back the right answer.

perhaps you can help dad's pride by suggesting he buys the first round, which will be a big enough bill in itself.

Errata

Talk to them. Tell them your dad will struggle to pay the bill so you think it's a good idea for those who can manage to pay their share of the bill will also cover for those who can't manage it. Bit of emotional blackmail in families usually does the trick.

NAR

springclean wrote: »

i would definitely speak to your siblings, tell them it was a kind offer but it's spiralled out of control with numbers and dad is struggling at the thought of the bill, but won't admit it. ask them what they think you should all do? i.e. give them the bullets to fire back the right answer.
perhaps you can help dad's pride by suggesting he buys the first round, which will be a big enough bill in itself.

I would couch it slightly differently and definitely not mention dad struggling at the thought of the bill - it's almost certainly going to get back to him. How embarrassing would that be for him! Include the bit in red and then simply say "Do you not think it would be a nice gesture if we all put £xx into the pot, so we can all feel we have contributed to a great family day out?"