21 Year Old offered place in New York

stockmarket-diva

Hi

A bit of friendly advice needed here.

My eldest daughter who is 21 has done 2 years of her 3 year degree course in Acting and has now been offered a place at the end of it all at the School of Film and Television Acting in New York where apparently Julia Roberts studied.

Its all very exciting but as you can imagine the fees are quite high ie $18,000 per year (2 year course) and of course all her accommodation etc.

I'm in a dilemma because we've been paying horrendous amounts for nearly 7 years now for my middle daughter to be at private school and was beginning to look forward to not having to pay out so much. But my 21 year old (who is never demanding and never asks for money by the way) has said how can I deny her the place when we've spent so much on the middle daughter.

Financially it will near enough cripple us. Am I wrong to expect her to work as hard as she can to accrue the money as much as she can or should I just pay for it.

I'll welcome your advice. By the way I have a third daughter who is only 12 and getting a little worried about whether there will be anything for her left.

Glitterari

Well IMO she is being demanding and turning on the emotional blackmail a little bit by saying how can you deprive her.

If you cannot afford it, you cannot afford it. Simple as. Do not put yourself in debt for it. She's 21 - no it is not in slightest bit wrong for her to work her butt off to pay for her fees. She will have to learn if she's going to go into acting (or life in general to be honest) that things do not get handed to you on a plate, you have to work for them.

Are you in a position to loan her some of the money and draw up an agreement that she pays it all back?

Cxx

sleepy

Personally I would suggest that it depends on if you also paid out for your oldest to go to a private school.
If you didn't than I can understand her argument that you've spent so much on her sisters education, so it would seem unfair if you weren't prepared to help her out.
However if you have already paid out for her education to date then I would tell her that if it's something she really wants to do, she'll find a way and work hard to get as much money towards it as she can.

mountainofdebt

what would you be able to say if you did pay for eldest daughter to go to NY and then youngest daughter turned around and asked if she could go on a £1000 school trip (which believe me they can cost when they get up to secondary school)?

Personally I would offer to match any amount that your eldest daughter managed to save between now and her actipated start date.

Broken_hearted

Hang on, are you saying you've paid to put her through Uni, now you have to pay again. Much as you'd like to help her I don't see how you can. You have three children and if they all follow the same route it will bankrupt not cripple you. I managed to put myself through uni and if she wants it that badly she will find a way to manage, others do fine and I'm sure she will.

kuohu

She'd have got a clip around the ear from me! What an attitude.

Willsnarf1983

i can see where she is coming from, i mean if u are showing favourtism to one kid than another then she will feel hurt. I think the best solution is for her to earn as much as she can and u match her exactly for it

Will

tyllwyd

At the end of her university course she will be over 21 and with a university degree. You have supported her to achieve that, whether or not it was at public school. Is it really fair to expect you to pay to support her for an extra two years while she continues studying? It is over and above what most parents could/would do.

Could she maybe delay the start of the course for a year or two, to give herself time to save up some money?

Minky2Slice

Willsnarf1983 wrote:

i can see where she is coming from, i mean if u are showing favourtism to one kid than another then she will feel hurt. I think the best solution is for her to earn as much as she can and u match her exactly for it

Will

I agree with all the above... If she wants to go to this college that badly, she will be able to do it on her own, sounds fair if you can match whatever she is being able to earn on her own. It all depends on how badly she wants it... I paid my way through college, with not a penny from my parents...being a 3yr full-time student and having 3 jobs at one stage, if you want something really badly, u make it happen...

Scully's_Girl

Is there any oppurtunity for financial aid on her tuition? The US has grants for pretty much anything, & they are not just for citizens. Tell her that if she wants to go now, she should help by looking at any aid available. There are reams of books on the subject; albeit mainly in the US but she might find one or two good ones online.
My best friend went to acting school in New York City as well. While the SFTA is a good school, it gives no guarantees. The majority of the students that go there rarely get the success they are hoping for. Case in point, my friend works in a bank now 10 years on, & her husband, who also went to the school, works in a store. If shes serious, she should look into aid

stockmarket-diva

Thank you for all your comments so far.

I should explain that the reason my middle daughter went to private school is because she justfailed the 11+ and had a confidence issue. In the area we live, the alternatives to grammar school are very poor indeed. My eldest daughter at the time agreed, we had a family disucssion about it, that she should go to private school.

When my eldest daughter finished her GCSE';s I offered her the option to go to the privte school also but she chose not to. When my youngest daughter was of the age to change schools she passed the 11+ too but I still gave her the option to go to the private school because I didn't want there to be any favouritism. She also chose not to.

I like the ideas you have given me so far re matching what she can save etc.

More ideas please.