help with an almost 4 year old

Anthillmob

money maker suggested i try on here with the problems we have.

ill post the link to the thread in the arms but understand a lot of you dont post there. here is fine. just saves me typing it out again or c&p'ing it [being lazy]

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?p=25053863&posted=1#post25053863

any advice welcome. esp if there could be a medical problem that may need addressing.

esmf73

Hi I read your original post on the other board first. I have two boys a 5yr old and a 3 1/2 yr old.

Chops sounds similar to my eldest. Unfortunately for you - I've not yet found something that works every time - or even every time for a week. We have huge tantrums sometimes when I ask him to hold my hand - then at others, he slips his hand into mine.

Have to say that we have had to go down the telling not asking route. We have tried everything else - but when you stand back and think - he's only 5 if I give him a choice, how can I be angry if he makes the wrong one?

He now gets told what to do - or when I can I offer him 2 choices only. I still say please and thankyou - and I expect him to do the same. He has just started at a new school and is apparently an angel - but he's been a nightmare at home. We now have one of those shop alarms (when you walk through a shop door and it chimes) on his door so we know when he gets out of his bed at night.

Sometimes he's up and down like a yoyo! All just trying to get attention. Unfortunately my OH doesn't help. Invariably he shouts or excites the children - I've told him to just be bored with them as it is the reaction they like - but no luck yet. Having said that - these last few days what has worked is his Daddy talking to him (son, not OH LOL!) before bedtime - telling him what he has to do.

He is also very intelligent and a lot of the time I think that i'm the only parent in the world to be going through this as my Mum didn't have problems! I also feel very isolated because he can be quite violent (with no warning) so we don't get invited to play - or get people coming round to play very often. My last neighbour stopped speaking to me because of this - I was doing my best she wasn't even there!!!

Anthill - any time you want to mail me infrustration - do! Sometimes I feel like crying as he makes me feel so despondent. This week I'm going to start looking after myself though (on the basis that if I'm chilled I can deal with him better) and will be going to the gym a lot.

We have started to go down the medical route - ADD or Aspergers Syndrome. But when you read about them they all seem to have the same symptoms. I'm now very confused!!

KellyWelly

Sounds exactly like my daughter at that age. She would go mad if things were not Just So. Scream and throw a wobbly if the sheets on her bed were not square and straight, only wear a particular colour or item, refused to wear trousers for months on end and then woke up one day refuse to wear a skirt for months on end, refuse to cuddle or kiss anyone, refuse to talk to anyone except me and her brother...I could go on.

I though at the time she was autistic and had the nursery assess her (they said she was below average intelligence with no verbal skills) and then one day I was in a maths thing at school (learning new teaching methods) and there was a creche provided where one of the workers happened to be a child psych, she came up to me afterwards and was talking and told me that she thought my daughter was way above average intelligence and used language normal for children years older - my daughter spoke fluently from about 18 months old.

Anyway - I did not get her assessed because I am not a big fan of finding a diagnosis tbh, we just kept up being incredibly strict with her, telling and not asking, and refusing to give in to any of the undesireable behaviour. She is 5 now, she is a madam at times, but she is a pleasure 95% of the time. She has never had any trouble in school, never even been told off to my knowledge. The only thing I notice when I've worked in her class on relief is that she is a bit of a loner when inside the class room, she will get on with her work and is totally oblivious to any chatter or messing about on the carpet etc but outside has a small core group of very loyal friends. She is still shy and likes to play by herself but I wouldn't say for one minute she has any social problems.

However to mix it all up, my husband does have Aspergers.

If I were you I would be working really hard to clamp down on undesireable behaviour now and thinking in maybe a year or two about a diagnosis if she doesn't improve. The behaviours typical of Aspergers and Autism are also just quite common in young children and they do grow out of it sometimes.

mishkanorman

you could be describing my eldest aswell, he is 6 now. He is a stroppy little git sometimes and we find ourselves thinking 'where the hell did that come from '??

he likes things the way he likes them (which sometimes varies depending on his mood) he would eat the same thing for dinner every day if he could and has had ham and coleslaw sandwiches for lunch every day now for a year. before that it was tuna. In public he will talk to a random stranger and spill everything in one long breath yet he wont say hello or goodbye to close family.

I've never tried to find out if this is some kind of disorder as i truly believe they are all just quirks of his personality and something he will learn to control as he gets older. My sister is painfully shy and when forced to do something she doesnt want to she reacts with anger and spite. I see alot of that in my DS, when he's comfortable with surroundings he shines and is a real pleasure but when things are tricky he struggles with his behaviour,


mishka

Anthillmob

thanks for your replies, im going to update the original thread on the arms. i really appreciate your help. x

KellyWelly

mishkanorman wrote: »

he likes things the way he likes them (which sometimes varies depending on his mood) he would eat the same thing for dinner every day if he could and has had ham and coleslaw sandwiches for lunch every day now for a year. before that it was tuna.

For as long as I can remember my daughter has eaten a ham and cheese sandwich for her lunch, unless she is eating hot dinner at school. She also has to have a square of cheese on the side to nibble on 'like a mouse'.