Punishing myself?

RichesToRags

I think I need professional help!!

I didn't have a good nights sleep after court, I didn't even get a good nights sleep after my 10 minute OR interview. I think I worked myself up that much pre BR to expect a grilling and accusations that I'm still waiting for it.

When the OR said not to blame myself because it was obviously not my fault, I didn't feel relief, I felt some wierd sense of guilt that he was being so nice and I didn't deserve it! I'm now finding myself hoping to get an IPA and then I can feel like I'm paying for my mistakes.

I'm not trying to instil 'doom and gloom' into anyone (I do feel relief that the creditors are off my back) and I'm not trying to say its been too easy either because the last few months have been hell on earth. I also realise I'll be paying in some form or another for the next 6 years or more, I just feel as though I haven't been punished enough.

Has anyone else felt this way? Or am I just a little masochistic and need to beat myself with a big stick in order to feel better :eek:

TotalDespair

Hi

Not sure how to reply to your post, but Im pretty sure that most folk would feel the same at one point in there BR journey, we are at the very begining and if I can quote from someones signature "lifes a rollercoaster!!!" the ups and down ofthis BR journey Im sure are not taken lightly, guilt?? yes, but you have faced up to it, go forward with new start BR gives you, my OH is full of guilt at the moment, but I see BR as a defining moment when he became the person he should be, one free of worry and sleepless nights and high blood pressure and depression and even sucidal thoughts for a small while.
Whist some in society might not like the "easy" way out for folk in debt it is far from "easy", just read some of the longer posts on here, they made me cry and at the begining, full of wishful thinking in the middle for them and the endings make you want to want to give them a virtual kiss and cuddle and hugs and say " go forward and enjoy your new life", maybe this is too simplistic ,but in reality you have faced your nightmare/fears, now go live your life as you should, head held high and with a positive attitude, the past is over, yesterday gone, today is another new day, opportunity, grab the gift of a restful nights sleep that BR will eventually give you and as Im sure the other posters that follow this one will say, Good luck in the future, you have faced your demons let your new life begin

Best wishes and warmest thoughts for the future

Lexie xxx

fiveyearplan

I'd say thats a pretty good answer TotalDespair!

RichestoRags - Going bankrupt isn't a way of punishing yourself, its about finding a solution to your debt problem. You've done that now so draw a line under it and move on using the knowledge and experience you've gained.

RichesToRags

Thanks for the good wishes Lexie

I am grateful for the fresh start and I'm actually glad I cannot get credit anymore. I am generally a very optimistic, positive person, maybe it's just the mindset of 'always pay your way' that is torturing me even though I had paid everything 3 times over!!

RichesToRags

FYP

I don't see the bankruptcy itself as punishing myself, I know it was the only solution left to me. What's done is done, I can't change that now and nor would I want to.

What I am trying to say is, if I'd been accused, blamed, judged, every spare penny taken away from me I would be thinking well thats it, I've had my punishment now its over. Instead I have this constant feeling that the bubble is about to burst because I was expecting it to be much worse than it was... Sorry if I'm not making sense, it's hard to explain.

Maybe I should just go and find some stocks to stick myself in for the day

fiveyearplan

Yeah, let the villager throw tomatoes or something! BR doesn't have the major stigma it used to, saying that I don't shout about my own BR and only a few select people know about it.

dalip

RTR

I felt exactly the same and did get an IPA and did feel relieved as it meant i was not off "scot free". I actually enjoyed making the payments,the guilt at my reckless spending haunted me for a good 12 months...maybe a bit longer:o.

I kept expecting to be hauled into the OR's office for a F2F,every "insolvency stamped" letter put sheer terror into me.

I never went out of the house for 6 months except to work or tesco(6am on sat morn)cause i thought everybody was looking at me in disgust at the awful thing i had done.

But my IPA got dissolved,in time i ventured out again,i changed my job......and eventually i accepted..i did what i did,nothing would change that or the outcome but one thing was for sure


I WILL NEVER EVER GET ANY FORM OF CREDIT AGAIN CAUSE I NEVER EVER WANT TO GO THROUGH BC AND ALL IT ENTAILS.


Just take one day at a time.....you will get "over it" evetualy but it not the instant relief that some experience.Dx

RichesToRags

Dalip

thank you so much, that is exactly how I'm feeling at the moment. I'm trying to be positive about it all because I know in some ways I am lucky. I was waiting for that 'good nights sleep' everyone talks about and it didn't come.

I realise it's early days for me yet, I'm just relieved I'm not the only one who has felt this way and that it does pass (eventually) X

tadsa

I feel the same - no sense of relief, just feelings of failure and regret. And unbelieveable levels of stress!

I too am waiting to feel better but I trust the guys on here and they say it DOES happen! You are certainly not alone.

fiveyearplan

I never felt that huge sense of relief either but then I still have OH's debts to think about. I hadn't paid any of my creditors for 12 months prior to my own BR so the only relief gave me in that sense was the phone calls and letters stopped (don't get me wrong that was a huge relief!!) but we still had the struggle of day to day paying the bills etc.

alastairq

RTR.the sleepless nights might be down to what I call, ''busy brain'' syndrome?

Not really knowing what might happen in the future?

Or is it the fear of realising that there is no ''safety net'' any more?

For me, I can liken pre-bankruptcy to swimming in the sea..the frantic doggy paddling trying to hold one's head above the water...bankruptcy [or to be precise, my appointment with CAB first].....is like putting your feet down, to find the bottom is closer than you thought..and you can stand up.

In far too many ways, we are pre-conditioned by society, parents,etc to adopt certain attitudes........for example, what do you think when someone tells you they are divorced?

Yet, as recently as 40 years ago, for many women from the middle or professional classes, divorce was stigma, not spoken about.

Think of the other stigma of the '50's, that are accepted as a normal part of our daily living?

''Bankruptcy'' is also coming out of the 'dark ages'......easy option it ain't..although if one has the right mindset, it is no hindrance.

I feel now, that the biggest issue regarding 'creditworthiness'' and bankruptcy, isn't about, whether someone will pay up, or not....[the huge companies that insist on credit checks aren't really too concerned about the odd few customers who appear to do ''a runner'']............but the realisation that this potential customer has proven they actually know what they're doing....so cannot be bullied or conned!

Why the guilt trip?

Especially when one considers that those that encouraged the indebtedness in the first place weren't in the slightest bit guilty about us getting out of our depth.

The reality is, those in debt are very much the 'victim'....bankruptcy is really about shedding that feeling of victimisation.

and what are we victims of?

Well,perhaps the ethos and successful 'selling'' of those who were greedy enough to eventually lead the world into it's current economic disaster???