After All The Money Spent on the Kids

tesuhoha

I've got a horrible cold feeling tonight. There are 2 reasons. The first is that after putting ourselves in debt paying expensive school fees all year, I found my son's school report under the bed. He had hidden it there and no wonder. He is predicted an E in biology because he has taken so much time off, without my knowledge. As forhis AS levels, he is predicted a U in business studies and a U in Geography, the business studies teacher says he clearly does not understand the subject and the geography teacher says he would not recommend that he continues with the subject to A2 level. Today I posted off a cheque for £270 to pay for his exams. After confronting him, he said that he has spoken to his tutors and he is going gto work hard tomorrow to catch up. I told him that he has to get a job in June and he said hes still hoping to do A levels and so it goes on. As for my daughter at university, I sent her a text message to ask her if she was ok because my son said she hadnt been on line lately and she spoke to him tonight and said the text really irritated her. She was very cold to me when I spoke to her on line and said she was going off to tescos. She has just come up and said she'll talk when she comes back but I feel hurt by it all. if any of you out there are making the mistake of giving your kids everything then I would advise you to think again. It does not work to pave the way for them. I thought it was being a good parent, but now realise I should have been tougher. My daughter has not turned out that badly really; at least she works hard andstudies but my boy is lazy and does not live in the real world. I tell you, if he fails his AS levels then hes getting a job, i dont care what it is and i am going to demand £30 a week from him. M ight help to pay off some of the debt he has incurred.

lynzpower

Tes

It cant be easy getting that down, but im so chuffed that you have this attitude. I completely agree, and seems like light years ago you were paying your kids gig tickets. some parents carry on forever ( if you saw this weeks spendaholics youll knwo who I mean) i know thats not gonna happen with you.

I like the fire! You go girl!

Rant to me whenever & a massive hug coming your way xx

THE_LONE_RANGER_4

its not all bad your kids would be there for you if you were in real need they allways come up trumps when the chips are down i know its hard but just role with it in the knowledge you have gave them the best start, dont become bitter becouse you think you have wasted your money ther your kids and there worth more than money any day

THE_LONE_RANGER_4

as a foot note my eldest who is 9 to celabrate being debt free and having god knows how accumilating 6k in savings bought him an x box today for cash lovely feeling ,he was pleased as punch as i was putting him to bed he thanked me and said he doesnt want anything till xmas now ,as i closed his bedroom door he said love you dad oh when do i get my bike summers here.

tesuhoha

Yes youre both right. I dont really feel that bitter just fed up. I did watch spendoholics this week, Lynz and it made me feel better. No, im not bitter but my son needs to learn about life. He hasnt had his 'lightbulb' moment yet so to speak. Im not doing him any favours, even my husband has said that this week. I just want the best for them both but he especially needs to understand that money doesnt grow on trees. This year is where it all stops, it has to anyway because we cannot go on paying for him when he is just laughing at us and not bothering to work and taking lots of time off. So I think I will be doing him a favour when I set him loose in the world to look for work.

tesuhoha

THE_LONE_RANGER wrote:

as a foot note my eldest who is 9 to celabrate being debt free and having god knows how accumilating 6k in savings bought him an x box today for cash lovely feeling ,he was pleased as punch as i was putting him to bed he thanked me and said he doesnt want anything till xmas now ,as i closed his bedroom door he said love you dad oh when do i get my bike summers here.

Thats lovely. Sounds as if he really appreciates it. You have obviously not spoilt him.

tesuhoha

My OH is calling me to watch The Last Picture Show so i'll be back on later.

Dr.Lou

Don't worry about your son too much...A lot of teenagers are a little bit too 'easygoing'! If he wants to go to Uni when he is older and wiser it should not be too much of a problem as a 'mature student', and he may avoid a lot of the associated expenses of some of the tuition fees. Perhaps later on, if he knows his future etc is down to him he may knuckle down. A trade / signing up to a modern aprenticeship may be very good for him, as he will get work experience as well as an education. Best of luck to you and your family.

crawley_girl

:grouphug:

Sounds like a tough one. I'm not making excuses for anyone but I remember when I was 17 and at college studying for my a-levels. Like your son I was a bit of a skiver but that's because people were treating me like a child but in my eyes I was an adult. It was my way of taking control.

I'm not saying that you are doing the same but think back to when you were their ages.

I grew up fairly quckly and realised that if I lived by the sword, then I was going to die by the sword and pulled my socks up. (If only I realised that about finances and money then!!!) My younger sister on the otherhand mucked about and tried 3 different university courses, whilst expecting our parents to support her financially and emotionally through it all. They let move back home each time rent free, sit on her bum whilst she moped about and drempt up her next mad scheme. This went on for 6 years until Mum finally sat down and gave her a good talking too!

I think your attitude is great and whilst children/ adults need guidance and advice, don't let them take you for granted in the way my sister did.

Chin up

:heartpuls CG :heartpuls

tesuhoha

Thank you for your kind comments. As always they make me look at things with a different perspective with every new post. I would like to apologise for my whinging. I know that there are lots of other people worse off than me. I suppose I feel a bit like I'm not getting anywhere sometimes and we lurch from crisis to crisis when we should be sitting back and relaxing a bit by now. BTW I fell asleep and slept all the way through the Last Picture Show. Missed it all. Lol, as they say.

lynzpower

Tes,

Hug to you this morning.

You are doing the right thing, and whats best for him.

Of course he will struggle with it as hes never known the value of money. i Personally, think that 30 a week is slightly low, butif that seems comfortable for you guys to enforce then it sounds good to me. MAke sure you are charging him from the minute he finishes school, not when he gets the job though, OK